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Stephanie
Hi, I'm Stephanie.

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Seth
I'm Seth, and this is the Forever Young show. The most powerful force in this world is a woman who knows who she is, why? She is here, and what she wants to accomplish.

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Stephanie
And that's where self-care comes in. As a woman, it is my opportunity and my responsibility to take care of me.

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Seth
Self-care for your mind.

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Stephanie
Self-care for your body.

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Seth
Self-care for your money.

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Stephanie
Our mission is to serve women as they fulfill their irreplaceable roles and families. Society. Business. The fabric of humanity.

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Seth
So let's get this show on the road.

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Stephanie
Mandolin Freeland is the founder and owner of Mandolin Academy's School of Esthetics.

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Seth
She is co-founder of her Dot community official girl game. Guess I'm not invited. Empowering women to thrive and love life.

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Stephanie
Mandolin married her high school sweetheart over 25 years ago and they have five perfectly imperfect children.

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Seth
Her passion is helping others to discover joy through a healthy mindset and taking chances.

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Stephanie
Her priorities are simple but powerful. God and family.

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Seth
I love this clip from her quote. Faith and hope propel me to face adversity with optimism and grace. Life is good. You got.

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Stephanie
That?

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Seth
Your feeling something right now? Mandolin. I could see it.

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Stephanie
I'm always feeling.

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Mandalyn
Good about it. That I am always feeling.

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Stephanie
Real good.

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Seth
Well, I think we want to start and talk about business, because on the show we talk about three primary things when it comes to women's self-care. And you bring a whole bunch of experience and story. Speaking of story, when it comes to finance and women in finance, women in business, you're an entrepreneur. You're. I was going to say a multi a multifaceted I get to know she's multi-headed.

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Seth
I'm like okay now she's a six headed dragon, but probably not the way you want to start it all. But talk to us about your your history in business. Let's go back to speaking about high school sweethearts. Let's go back to high school and just kind of give us, you oh, you you're unique. You got a unique business path that that I want to we really want to highlight on the show, because, well, because it's so stinking fun.

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Mandalyn
Oh. Thank you. Okay, I'll go back to high school, and if it's too much, just tell me to move on. But I've always been an entrepreneur. I knew that in high school, when I came home from school one day and my mom had a VHS cassette tape sitting next to the TV, and I said, what is this?

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Mandalyn
And she said, oh, a friend of mine gave it to me. Some like shopping networking thing that you can do and make money off of scanning your groceries. And I was like, oh, have you watched it? And she said, no, I haven't watched it. So I'm like, well, let's watch it. So I pop in the video and we watch it and I'm like, mom, this is seriously awesome.

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Mandalyn
And so it was really fun. We, we I told her to to take advantage of the offer and get signed up. And she got her scanner. And I just remember those days of her scanning every little barcode of groceries that she bought. And we had a big family, lots of groceries. So anyways, I got my mom started and I got started in, networking and just in business in general.

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Mandalyn
And then, my mom love ceramics, and she opened the ceramic shop in her home in Highland. And, I did a little boutique and had, like, different things to sell in there. And so that was a little small, you know, venture that we did together. And then, right after high school, I got my real estate license.

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Mandalyn
I was the youngest realtor in Utah at that time. And, that was fun. To be able to, to become a realtor, it was, I learned a lot of lessons at that point. I came from I grew up in Orlando, Florida, moved here in high school. My dad got a job transfer and moved us all here, so I didn't really know a lot of people.

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Mandalyn
I had to really put myself out there, and I would dare to say that naturally, I'm an introvert. My mom is like, so introverted. She's like a hermit. And so I feel like I probably could allow myself to go there. But in becoming a real estate agent and then deciding to open my own beauty school, I didn't realize that I was forcing myself to become an extrovert.

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Mandalyn
And so, I do love people. But I remember being scared to death to speak in front of a group and, and things like that, but, I worked for a title company and the two brothers that own the title company talk to me about becoming an escrow officer. And, I was already a realtor, and I thought, well, that could be a good thing for me.

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Mandalyn
But one of the brothers decided he wanted to open a, like a school for troubled teenagers. And so he invited me into the meetings that he had with some potential, funders so that I could take the minutes, like the meeting minutes. And it was so funny. I remember sitting in there and hearing all about his idea of opening a school and helping people, and it just hit me really strong.

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Mandalyn
I'm like, I need to open a school and I don't know where that came from. It was just the weirdest thought. But I knew I loved esthetics. I had dabbled in it in high school and knew that I liked Hispanics and at that time there weren't any esthetic schools in Utah. And so I just looked into it.

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Mandalyn
And here's the crazy thing. This is like, God knows what he's doing, right? Because Utah had just passed a law. When I called in to the Division of Licensing, they just passed a law to require licensing for Hispanics, and you had to go to school. Now. And so here I am like thinking, oh, it be cool to open a school.

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Mandalyn
And on top of that, my mom had taken the drug thin fin to lose weight. This was all in, 2001. And she ended up getting heart valve damage and was part of a lawsuit. They did, like, you know, group lawsuit.

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Seth
Class action lawsuit. Back in class action lawsuit.

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Mandalyn
Yeah. She didn't want to do it. She said, why would I do that? I it made me so happy and feel good about myself. But she actually was she had to go to a girls camp, and they required a physical. And they detected the, heart murmur there. And so, just crazy to think of all the stars that had to align.

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Mandalyn
But she ended up being part of that class like myself and got a chunk of money and all at the same time of me talking about this, I just said, you know what? I want to open the school. I don't want to drive by and see someone else do what I want to do. And, my mom told me she's like, half the lawsuits over.

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Mandalyn
I'm giving you a chunk of money. Your business. And I got my beauty school started. I'm $34,000.

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Stephanie
Wow.

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Mandalyn
And I remember my dad saying, you're crazy. Like, these other schools are like millionaires. They'll kill, you know, kill you, like, what are you doing with $34,000? And I was like, I don't care. I mean, I'm 22. I'm naive. I think, like, you own a business, you're rich, and 34,000 is a lot of money. Like, I'm going to do this, right?

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Mandalyn
So I tell everybody, looking back, there's no way in heck if I knew what I was doing, I would do it again. But I'm so grateful that I did it. And, you know, I started that. I got pregnant with my firstborn in the first year of business, and I remember living at that school day and night, living on Wheat Thins and water.

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Mandalyn
And, my husband was doing his construction business, and, Yeah, I mean, I just had no idea what I was doing. I didn't have any college background, no business background, but I knew I love skincare and I wanted to help women. I thought, this is a business that's flexible. I love it for me, and I want to help others be able to have a career that they can enjoy.

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Mandalyn
So that's where all came from. And I was all in from that point. And yeah, I mean, my, my kids know no different, right? They were all born under the, you know, the beauty school era. And so, I remember kind of feeling guilty, at times, like when my kids would be like, mom, you never come to school stuff, mom.

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Mandalyn
You don't you never make dinner, you know? And I feel so guilty and and now it's awesome because, you know, 24 years into this, my kids are older. My oldest is 22. I have five kids, 22 down to ten. And my older kids are proud of me. And they like you know, brag about me to their friends.

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Mandalyn
And now my teenage daughters are coming to my school. So I never dreamed of being this old and that happening that it's really fun to see it all play out.

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Stephanie
Oh that's amazing.

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Seth
I love it, I love it. So why? Why do you feel like you have been driven? It seems business wise. What is it in various businesses? Again from the video cassette that your mom had in, you know, in direct sales, so many women, so many women, so many hundreds of thousands of women around the world in direct selling, I'm sure hundreds of thousands of women in esthetics.

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Seth
Right. But what what do you think drove you to to to do one of these different things in this one little genre that many women, frankly, are afraid of? They're afraid of business. They're afraid of money.

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Stephanie
Well,

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Mandalyn
I think that God, when he made me left fear.

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Stephanie
Out of me like.

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Mandalyn
I just don't I don't.

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Stephanie
Have a lot.

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Mandalyn
I live by faith, and I'm like, everything will be okay. And that's why I take so much on. I don't I'm not a big stressor. Very few times do I feel anxiety and stress, and I feel like that's such a blessing for me, and allows me to do what I do. But, yeah, I mean, I think that it was just instilled in me, like, I'm going to help people.

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Mandalyn
And in order to help people, sometimes you have to take chances and risk. And at the end of the day, like God and my family are really, you know, those are the things that I have to have and to keep me going. And as long as I will still have those, like, I'm okay if I lose worldly possessions, you know, like that doesn't stand in my way.

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Mandalyn
And so, I mean, if you're going to be an entrepreneur, one, you have to take chances. Two, you have to be willing to lose things and make sacrifices. And three, you've got to be a you you have to have A.D.D.. And I remember I remember an employee telling me one time, she's like, man, your ad is through the roof.

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Mandalyn
And I was so offended. I'm like, what? I have never had anybody accuse me of having A.D.D. and I was like, that is crazy talk. And she's like, oh, no, like, you need to learn more about A.D.D.. Like, you're like Squirtle. And I just remember being so offended and shocked, and now I'm like, totally. And someone once told me she's like, well, that's entrepreneurs for you.

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Mandalyn
You wouldn't be able to do 50 things at once if you didn't have A.D.D.. So anyways, that was kind of a fun lesson.

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Seth
Now it's the ultimate compliment.

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Stephanie
Yeah. Right? Right.

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Mandalyn
Yep. I can do all the things at one.

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Stephanie
Oh my.

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Mandalyn
Goodness. But yeah, I mean, really, what drives me is truly helping others on every level. But I feel like especially women, is is what I'm drawn to. And I feel like God has blessed me with experiences for a reason to help other people. And so I want women to, to learn how to have skills that can help them, feel a little bit more independent.

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Mandalyn
I'm not like a women's rights person. Like all women, you have to be independent at all. But I'm like, hey, I want you to feel like you are a human and that you have options and you can be happy in life, right? And so I just feel like my job is to, like, have a toolbox with all the tools and be able to help people like, hey, here's some tools for you right now, you know, because that will change every year.

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Mandalyn
We need different tools, different things. And so just being able to help women in that way where they're not necessarily capable of, you know, doing that or learning that on their own. Hopefully that answered your question.

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Seth
No. It's fabulous. Fabulous.

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Stephanie
So what are some common financial challenges or obstacles that, you see women face and how can they address them?

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Stephanie

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Mandalyn
Yeah. So one of the big things is, and let me share this. So I, belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. And so for those of you who are familiar with that, I am a Relief Society president. And those of you who are not familiar with that, I am basically I have stewardship over all of the women in my congregation, which are in my neighborhood, and I am there to, support and help them physically and spiritually.

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Mandalyn
Okay. So, in that sense, having.

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Seth
A demanding job, it's it's a, as you say, a job you don't get paid for, but it's it's demanding.

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Stephanie
I was going to say also emotionally, that's a big one for women.

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Mandalyn
Yeah for sure. And it is a job. I mean, we as mothers and fathers, that's a job we don't get paid for. But, you know, it's it is a lot of work and I love it. I truly love it because I'm helping women. But at the same time, and here's I told you, I don't get stressed a lot.

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Mandalyn
People are like, oh my gosh, how do you do it all? And I hate to swear, but I'm like, I do it all half assed. How else do you do it all?

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Stephanie
Oh.

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Mandalyn
So but here's the thing. I just don't let things stress me out. Like, yes, I have all of these responsibilities on my plate today. But at the end of the day, what do I have to get done to be okay? And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with just doing what I have to do and being minimal and not a perfectionist.

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Mandalyn
And I know that can bug people, but for me, it's like, that's how I do it all, you know? So anyways, let me see. Let me try to remember what you asked me. What is your ask.

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Stephanie
Me what are some personal challenges?

00;15;04;08 - 00;15;27;26
Mandalyn
Financial. Okay. So I deal with right now I have a lot of younger girls at church that I there's like newer moms. They've been married a couple of years, and I see that, that a lot of them want what their parents have now. Right. They don't realize how much hard work and sacrifices and years of waiting, to get where we are.

00;15;27;28 - 00;15;43;10
Mandalyn
And at some point, I was frustrated, and I'm like, why are all these people creating these beasty children that feel entitled? And then I realized one day I'm doing it, too. We're all doing it because a lot of us growing up, we didn't have a lot of money. I grew up with a family that did not have a lot of money.

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Mandalyn
It was like rare to go out to eat. And but now, like most of us, especially in our area, are truly blessed, financially. And we can afford to go out to eat all the time, especially if Mom and dad are both busy. It just is easier. It's easiest. And so they're they're benefiting from all these things and living a life that we do not live.

00;16;05;15 - 00;16;22;20
Mandalyn
We our life is so foreign to them, right? I mean, I tell my kids, like back when I was growing up and they're like, oh yeah, and a dinosaur ages. And I'm like, okay, yeah, no, but but to them it's totally foreign and they have no idea what we're talking about. So when I say you're spoiled, they're like, what do you mean?

00;16;22;22 - 00;16;45;19
Mandalyn
Like, why am I spoiled? Because everybody goes out to eat all the time and, you know, doing these things. And so this is financially they. They just don't get it. They don't they don't get it. So you know, these this generation of like, you know, girls in their 20s, I feel like when and and men they're, they're seeing what we worked so hard for.

00;16;45;19 - 00;17;10;26
Mandalyn
But they're seeing that and wanting that right now. And they want to skip all of the hardship and the sacrifice and so, I think that what's happening is the the term keeping up with the Joneses is so huge, especially with social media and that comparison. And like you said, your friend thought you guys were perfect because we're seeing the perfect sides of everybody.

00;17;10;28 - 00;17;32;11
Mandalyn
And so I think it's the biggest financial problem is standing where spending because we feel like we have to we we are entitled to have the best things and we need to keep up with everybody. And so that puts everybody in this struggle. And you look at the housing market, these young couples, I don't know how they're buying $650,000 starter home.

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Mandalyn
It's like ridiculous. But it is what it is. And and they're making it work. But because of that, they're all strapped financially. A lot of them are hurting so bad. And I, I try every day I'm thinking of like, how can I help these kids, you know, realize like what they need to do and go on a budget.

00;17;53;26 - 00;18;21;03
Mandalyn
And the more time I spend with them, it's hard. It's hard. So, yeah, Stephanie, I, I love to be able to help them in ways of like, hey, why don't we get smarter and save money and be more frugal and be creative on how to stretch our budget more. But then also, of course, I'm a huge fan of like, why don't we make more money and then we can spend it and not feel bad about it?

00;18;21;03 - 00;18;39;20
Mandalyn
Like to me, yeah, I'd rather the challenge of make more money so I can spend what I want and be happy, you know? But if you can't do that, then you have a choice. You have a choice. Either make more money and have the lifestyle you want, or be frugal and don't spend and save and help your husband by not spending all the money he's making.

00;18;39;20 - 00;18;58;22
Mandalyn
You know while you're at home raising the kids. And be smart so you have a choice, you know? And I want to help girls no matter what they choose. I want to help them with tools and resources to make that happen. And so direct marketing has always been a part of my life since that high school moment, because I love it so much.

00;18;58;22 - 00;19;22;28
Mandalyn
Like, you know, you can be an entrepreneur without all this overhead. Like I'm crazy. I started the beauty school. I'll tell you, when I first opened that beauty school in 2002, we opened our doors and it cost me about, I was about 20, 25,000 a month in overhead to keep that business running. And now I've had that for almost 24 years.

00;19;22;28 - 00;19;48;16
Mandalyn
And now I, am spending 130,000 a month to keep my doors open. So I remember my dad asking about that last year and he about died. He's like, you do what? That's so much pressure. And I'm like, it is so much pressure. Good thing I'm not a big stressor. But, I mean, it's if you can own your own business and not have that overhead, amazing.

00;19;48;21 - 00;20;02;16
Mandalyn
So I tell everybody I will if I love a product and I love a company and trust it, you bet that I am going to promote it. And if I'm going to promote it, then why not make money off of that? And that's my retirement plan.

00;20;02;19 - 00;20;04;04
Stephanie
So,

00;20;04;06 - 00;20;14;27
Mandalyn
So I know you guys totally get that. But it's just a great way for these young girls to be able to own their own business with low cost and make money to help their family.

00;20;14;29 - 00;20;31;01
Seth
Or spoken to somebody who's writing out big checks every month. Take us to some dark days. Have it. Oh, I have there have been dark days in in your in your business in the financial world over. Like everything's.

00;20;31;01 - 00;20;35;05
Mandalyn
Been perfect. Perfect.

00;20;35;08 - 00;20;39;25
Seth
Believe it. Or the first time, the first year I was like, are you kidding me?

00;20;39;27 - 00;20;40;27
Stephanie
You're like, dang.

00;20;40;27 - 00;21;02;09
Mandalyn
There's there goes my story. No. Yeah. Some dark days for sure. Let me tell you, if you first of all just, you know, I never really panicked. I never really had my husband and I did. So we shared a checking account in high school. Which is crazy. Now that I have kids that age.

00;21;02;09 - 00;21;04;10
Stephanie
Like what? We. Yeah.

00;21;04;12 - 00;21;06;16
Seth
You shared a checking account?

00;21;06;18 - 00;21;26;27
Mandalyn
Yes, we. So our senior year, we we had, like, work release where we didn't have to we had enough credits that we could go to work and fulfill our elective credit. So we both worked a full time job our senior year. We knew we wanted to get married. And so we just put money away and had a checking account.

00;21;27;00 - 00;21;28;00
Stephanie
Wow.

00;21;28;02 - 00;21;31;00
Stephanie
I have never heard of that before.

00;21;31;02 - 00;21;31;21
Mandalyn
I know.

00;21;31;24 - 00;21;33;04
Stephanie
Crazy.

00;21;33;06 - 00;21;40;23
Seth
That's so cool. It really? So I heard about it before. It would have been a bad story, right? But that is awesome.

00;21;40;25 - 00;21;42;10
Stephanie
Discipline. Yeah.

00;21;42;12 - 00;22;04;10
Mandalyn
It's a fun, successful story. So when I got to school going that $34,000 that my mom gave me went really fast, really fast, I think my rent was 7000 a month. I had a couple of employees, it went faster than I thought it would, so I panicked. I'm like, what do I do? And I would wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.

00;22;04;16 - 00;22;26;11
Mandalyn
And that was a first for me. And I remember praying like I'm supposed to do. And the reason I'm still doing doing is because God tells me all the time that I am meant to be there, and I'm not ready to, to walk away. I've tried, I've tried to just, like, walk away, close it or sell it a few times.

00;22;26;11 - 00;22;44;12
Mandalyn
It looks like I was going to sell it. You never happened. And so I just left it in God's hands and said, fine, when it's time for me to walk away, you've got to tell me really that it's time to walk away. That I would have panicked. And I remember one night I woke up at two in the morning and prayed.

00;22;44;12 - 00;23;01;19
Mandalyn
I was crying now what to do? Because I had zero money in the bank. I had my rent to the next day, which was $7,000. And I'm like, how am I going to do this? And literally the next day, a mother and her dog will be walking in and she's a cash pay student and she's starting the next week.

00;23;01;19 - 00;23;23;20
Mandalyn
So she signed up, paid the cash that day, literally. Like, how miraculous is that? Right? 10,000 more tuition. So pay my rent. Another time, I had a panic attack. I was out of money. I'm like, I don't know how this is going to work. I don't know what I'm doing. I went and sat in my office, and I put my head down on my desk like this.

00;23;23;20 - 00;23;43;20
Mandalyn
And I looked down on my garbage can, and every time I got a credit card application, I would rip them up from my garbage can. And I'm looking at my garbage can going, right, I can get a credit card, I can get a few credit cards. So I applied for some credit cards, got $60,000 in credit and continue to run my business.

00;23;43;22 - 00;24;10;15
Mandalyn
The other things that have like happened have been really crazy. So I, I had a, I decided to open a hair program. And so I had my hair program, the cosmetology program, and the esthetics program, which is the skincare, and I had them running into different buildings within a shopping center. And, I had built up some debt.

00;24;10;15 - 00;24;20;10
Mandalyn
The school itself didn't have any debt except for I owed my landlord and I owed him quite a bit of money between build out and just went over the years, but.

00;24;20;10 - 00;24;21;29
Stephanie
I couldn't afford.

00;24;22;01 - 00;24;51;13
Mandalyn
And so and I had a great relationship. One thing that I've learned is talk to people, communicate, don't don't be afraid and like ignore phone calls because you don't have good answers. So I, I earned respect from people, by just telling them through and, where I would, I would talk to them all the time. Anytime we called or I would reach out to him to say, hey, I just can't afford rent this month.

00;24;51;13 - 00;25;06;21
Mandalyn
And he respected me and he worked with me and was patient and, got to a point where I was supposed to renew my lease, and, I owed a lot of money in terms of like, what do you what do you think? Do you think you should keep going or do you think you should close the hair school?

00;25;06;21 - 00;25;28;10
Mandalyn
And I said, well, I think I should keep going because I have 30 people relying on me. Like, it's not like a shop that I can just close and say, okay, we're going out of business, you know, this month and whatever. It's like I've got, you know, ten staff members and 30 students that are signed up to, you know, finish months away from now.

00;25;28;12 - 00;25;49;29
Mandalyn
And so I had met some ladies. I owned a hair school, and they were talking to me about partnering with me, and, while that didn't happen, they went to the landlord and offered, to take over the lease. And so my landlord called me. It was a Friday night. My husband and I play coed softball.

00;25;50;06 - 00;25;51;15
Mandalyn
I was waiting for my.

00;25;51;17 - 00;25;53;09
Stephanie
Mom to go play.

00;25;53;12 - 00;26;13;21
Mandalyn
And I get a call from my landlord and he says, hey, mandolin. I, I need you to do something. And I said, what? He said, I need you to vacate the hair school and I need you out within two weeks. And I'm shocked. My jaw drops, I'm quiet. I'm like, what? And he's like, yeah, I need you to do that.

00;26;13;23 - 00;26;36;04
Mandalyn
But if you do that, then I'm going to for getting all the debt that you have with me. And I was just like thinking, okay, that brought a little bit of peace to me. Like it was a lot of money. We're talking like $300,000. Not just a little bit of money. Like, that's a lot of money. So part of me is like, like, wait, how am I going to get everybody out in two weeks?

00;26;36;04 - 00;26;53;02
Mandalyn
I've got to help these students find a new school. I've got to help staff members find a new job. Like, I take all that upon myself. So this is going to be crazy. But at the same time, in the back of my head, I'm thinking, well, at least I won't have that debt. That's huge. So I hung up the phone.

00;26;53;02 - 00;27;10;26
Mandalyn
I was a wreck, I was bawling, I call my husband, I tell him what happens, and he says, well, Mandy, my husband, well, he calls me mandolin now. He called me Mandy back then. He said, well, Mandy, sounds like you just sold your hair school for $300,000. And I was like, oh my gosh, that's a great way to look at it.

00;27;11;02 - 00;27;33;04
Mandalyn
This is awesome. You know, and my skin school's my baby. That's where my passion is. I added him simply because everyone was asking for it. And so honestly, he's like, he my husband said, give it a month. You know, that month it's going to be hard. But after that it'll be so great. And so I just kept hanging on to that hope and having that faith that he's right.

00;27;33;12 - 00;27;50;05
Mandalyn
It will feel really great in a month. So I just kept looking forward to that month. And so that's how I roll. Like I get through every day by thinking, what is the next great thing that's going to happen? And then I hang on to that. And I love every second of thinking about it. And it could be so simple.

00;27;50;05 - 00;28;08;09
Mandalyn
It's like like tonight I'm going to watch my nephew play varsity basketball. We look forward to that on Friday nights. And for me, like I can get through any hard thing because Friday I'm going to watch my nephew play basketball and I'm going to be around my all my family. So that's like that to me. Right? So anyway, so I had I held on to that.

00;28;08;09 - 00;28;34;08
Mandalyn
I'm like, you're right. In a month it's going to feel so good. So anyways, that was a huge financial issue that could have went really bad. That went really good. I'll tell you, God bless me. Every single student I deliver the news to my students and my staff. I helped my staff find jobs. I helped every single student, all 30 students, find a new school within the two weeks and they didn't hate me.

00;28;34;08 - 00;28;53;08
Mandalyn
They asked me to go with them to tour the other schools and help them make a choice. And so it just everything fell into place. And now I'm so grateful that I don't have the burden because the hair school for a while was kind of like my black hole. And if I kept that going, it was going to eat up everything and even take over my esthetics school.

00;28;53;11 - 00;29;10;02
Mandalyn
So, that was one of those things where God said, hey, if you're not going to put an end to this, I'm going to. And, that was one of the scariest things in my life. You know, financially, it was it was really scary. But yeah, here I am. I got through it.

00;29;10;04 - 00;29;16;28
Seth
Well, and God's like, and I'm going to forgive the debt. Here's the here's I'm going to show you this. Sell this school.

00;29;17;00 - 00;29;17;06
Stephanie
For.

00;29;17;06 - 00;29;20;06
Mandalyn
Free on top right.

00;29;20;08 - 00;29;22;14
Stephanie
Wow. Yeah.

00;29;22;17 - 00;29;28;16
Stephanie
There's no other way but to see God's hand in that, you know. Yeah. Yes. Such a gift.

00;29;28;18 - 00;29;30;05
Stephanie
Absolutely.

00;29;30;08 - 00;29;39;27
Stephanie
I love that, you had such a great relationship that those students wanted you to go with them. They trusted you so much. That really speaks to me. Yeah, sir.

00;29;40;00 - 00;30;06;22
Mandalyn
Thank you. You know, I do the admissions for Mandolin Academy now, and I. And I absolutely love it. I mean, it's my baby. It's my passion. And I get to meet these students and tell them how I'm going to help them. And I'm, forever mentor for them, and, I it means a lot. You know, I talked to an older lady last night who wants to start in my night classes in March, and she was just like, I can't believe that I'm talking to you, you know, that owns it and founded it.

00;30;06;23 - 00;30;25;16
Mandalyn
And, I just love your passion and your care. And so, Yeah, that's what really sets me apart. And to be honest, I mean, that's that's another big lesson for me is like, I have to be involved, but not only do I have to be, I want to be. And because of both of those things, I'm constantly involved.

00;30;25;16 - 00;30;40;03
Mandalyn
And I can, you know, I feel like I can address issues before they become a really big problem. Because I'm, I'm, they're. And every day I just want to improve, you know, that 1%. You just want to improve 1% every day. That's what I focus on.

00;30;40;05 - 00;31;09;04
Seth
While we're on business. Before we get to the whole mindset thing, you talked about and I think so, so many women, particularly mothers who have children, are concerned about starting a business, are concerned about going and make money. You're shaking your head right now. It's a it's a huge thing because they feel like they're going to be sacrificing something kind of kids or, or something else.

00;31;09;07 - 00;31;18;27
Seth
And then you talked about navigating that can you explore that a little bit? Why do you think women are hung up on that. And what is your recommendation.

00;31;19;00 - 00;31;38;26
Mandalyn
Oh, sure. So every time I talk to a prospective student on the Mandolin Academy, I talk about a couple of things. I'm like, if you're a mom, you will have mom guilt. It's a real thing. Just plan on it and, you know, even I felt that and I shared with you guys, my kids would say, you don't ever go to the school stuff, you don't fix dinner.

00;31;38;26 - 00;32;01;11
Mandalyn
And I felt that guilt. But then I've lived through it for seeing the reward worth that I teach my kids that we care about. Other people were there to help other people, and that you can do hard work and there's rewards for that. And so I bring that up, and every single time these moms will look at me and say, thank you for addressing that, because I definitely have felt that weight.

00;32;01;13 - 00;32;04;17
Mandalyn
Right? So it's a real thing. Mom. Guilt is one.

00;32;04;17 - 00;32;05;02
Stephanie
Of the biggest.

00;32;05;04 - 00;32;25;00
Mandalyn
Things that like, for some reason, we think that as soon as we pop a baby out of our womb that we are like destined to do everything for them, our husbands, and nothing for ourselves. Because if we do that, we are going to feel so guilty. So I tell the girls like, yeah, you're doing this for you, but you are also doing this.

00;32;25;03 - 00;32;27;00
Stephanie
Yeah, I think that.

00;32;27;03 - 00;32;49;14
Mandalyn
We have to have businesses. Look, I'm helping myself. Absolutely. But I'm helping my family with the income. I'm helping these people, my customers, my clients. But I'm going to change their life, whatever the product is that I'm telling them. In my case at the school, it's an education that's going to be a whole new career path for them.

00;32;49;14 - 00;33;14;07
Mandalyn
That's flexible and being a mom. Or it could be the skincare products and services that we offer to our clients. They're or, you know, I've listened to oils for years, and I know without a doubt that there are people that should never live without essential oils. And so as long as I have faith and belief in what I'm doing and it's self, then I'm doing the world so much good.

00;33;14;07 - 00;33;26;28
Mandalyn
So I think it's looking on the flip side, what are the positives around? Not just the negative and understanding that, hey, our kids are going to, journey, you know, and the best we can do is be an example.

00;33;26;28 - 00;33;27;04
Stephanie
For.

00;33;27;04 - 00;33;35;06
Mandalyn
Them. You know, not only that, mom, we've got to be we've got to be emotionally whole. We've got to be happy to teach them how.

00;33;35;06 - 00;33;36;29
Stephanie
To do the.

00;33;37;01 - 00;33;55;02
Mandalyn
Moon cup first. And so whatever that looks like for you. But, you know, if we like to spend money on ourselves and one of the biggest things we can do is make money, you know, to support that. So I think it's kind of like looking at all the things and deciding like, okay, yeah, this makes sense. And the biggest thing is balance.

00;33;55;05 - 00;34;16;28
Mandalyn
I think balance is something that's not even real life. It balance will lift every single day. There has to be a new balance. Right? So but trying to have the best balance in your life at that time, in that day is is the goal for me. You know, what is today like and what is balance like for me, you know.

00;34;17;00 - 00;34;36;21
Stephanie
Yeah. Like you said it, it's a beautiful example for our children, in many aspects even, you know, pursuing your dreams, everything takes sacrifice. And so it's, for example, to show them this is what I want. And, so this is how you guys can support me, and we can sacrifice together to get this end goal.

00;34;36;24 - 00;34;37;04
Stephanie
Yeah.

00;34;37;04 - 00;34;44;25
Stephanie
And I think that helps children when they grow up to know that it's it's not just okay, it's more than okay to do that kind of thing.

00;34;44;27 - 00;35;05;15
Mandalyn
Yeah. And there's everybody is different and everybody needs something different. Some people will always need to work for someone else from 9 to 5 and make a paycheck, and that's great. I want my kids to think bigger than that so they're not living paycheck to paycheck. And so we are a huge fan of trades with my husband being a contractor, and I already see that in my kids.

00;35;05;15 - 00;35;22;08
Mandalyn
We kids are like, yeah, I'm going to own my own business. I'm going to become an obstetrician or a contractor or whatever. And, you know, I think that's great. In our home, that's like, we feel good that we're like creating that, you know, within our kids and that they don't feel limited, that they can do whatever they want to do.

00;35;22;14 - 00;35;40;27
Mandalyn
And so, a lot of times we influence. Right. So do you guys remember growing up? I mean, our parents, like, really highly influenced us. And maybe that's like, they don't agree with trades because you need to go to traditional college or they don't agree with like direct selling because that's a bunch of hocus pocus and get rich quick.

00;35;40;27 - 00;35;54;03
Mandalyn
And pyramid schemes, like so many things are into our head. So I think it's important that we open up the next generation's minds and say, like, look, make this whatever you want to make it right.

00;35;54;05 - 00;36;13;18
Stephanie
Yeah, there are many paths to get to where you want to be. So figuring out which one aligns with you know, who you are and your beliefs and how to get there, and a great path for you, definitely. When it comes to self-care for the minds, what is your biggest strength?

00;36;13;21 - 00;36;40;11
Mandalyn
Letting go, letting go? For instance, this Christmas. Christmas is my jam. I live for Christmas, and I took on way too much. I had a little see, I have a friend, an actress, and had a movie premiere, so I went by myself. I will say that trip was amazing. I just wish it wasn't in December. But I that kind of took up some time.

00;36;40;11 - 00;37;04;21
Mandalyn
I have my staff Christmas party. I had, the big one is I volunteer for the American Fork Police Department, and I put on their Christmas party, and it's a lot of work because I go around collecting donations from companies so that all 70 officers and employees have, like, a really nice gift to go home with. And so it's taken a lot of time away from my family and even just me enjoying the holiday.

00;37;04;23 - 00;37;27;16
Mandalyn
And so, I didn't decorate my home literally the like a couple weeks before Christmas, we got our tree up. I didn't put any lights on it. My kids decorated it on Christmas Eve because they were sick of, like, seeing a bald tree. I didn't get any of my decorations out. It was killing me. And finally, I just had to say, you know what?

00;37;27;18 - 00;37;47;23
Mandalyn
It's fine. Christmas is still coming. It's still going to be amazing. And I just have to let it go this year. And so I think that's my biggest strength is just being able to kind of let go, not hold on to negativity. I'm just kind of look and say, you know what? Tomorrow's a new day and I'll start fresh tomorrow.

00;37;47;23 - 00;37;50;12
Mandalyn
And if I want to do something better tomorrow, I'll do it.

00;37;50;14 - 00;37;59;01
Stephanie
So I love that perspective. And we can relate because, this year we actually didn't decorate our Christmas tree. And I think.

00;37;59;01 - 00;37;59;18
Mandalyn
Okay.

00;37;59;22 - 00;38;08;19
Stephanie
I think the most decorations we put out were a couple of pillows and maybe one wreath. Okay. That was that's it.

00;38;08;21 - 00;38;17;07
Seth
That that was it. That was it. We bought it. We bought our live tree, from locally here and, beautiful tree. In fact, it was.

00;38;17;09 - 00;38;19;04
Stephanie
It was my favorite that we've ever had.

00;38;19;05 - 00;38;42;25
Seth
Favorite ever that ever had. And then it sat out on set out on our back porch under the deck for a few days and, and then, you know, kind of the bottom crests over. Right. And so you're supposed to really fresh cut it again when you bring it inside the glass. And how we are in the midst of all kinds of business launching.

00;38;42;28 - 00;38;43;26
Stephanie
Well.

00;38;43;28 - 00;38;51;05
Stephanie
It was our ten year anniversary. That's true. We were and it was our daughter's birthday. Like December has a lot packed in it.

00;38;51;08 - 00;38;51;23
Stephanie
Yeah.

00;38;51;23 - 00;39;08;28
Seth
So we bring it in the warm house and then we if we don't, we don't cut again the trunk fresh again so that it can soak up all that water. And then we put it in the stand, put it up and forgot to water it. I like to say we.

00;39;08;28 - 00;39;11;05
Stephanie
I know I'm like, I'm.

00;39;11;08 - 00;39;34;04
Seth
So sorry I forgot to water it. I think for like two days it's sitting here, you know, and 74 degree house with no water. And then we finally started watering it. Literally. I think that tree was shedding lead shedding pine needles four days, four days into its existence, you know, and that was weeks before Christmas.

00;39;34;06 - 00;39;46;22
Stephanie
So now it's our first like, typically we get our Christmas tree a week or two before Christmas. And I was like, man, we got the most beautiful tree this year and we got an early and we can decorate it.

00;39;46;25 - 00;39;56;00
Seth
And then when we go to decorate it, it is so brittle that every, every place that you, it's just shedding. So we could not decorate it.

00;39;56;00 - 00;39;57;00
Stephanie
So we kind of you could.

00;39;57;00 - 00;39;58;01
Mandalyn
Not put lights on. It was.

00;39;58;01 - 00;40;00;19
Stephanie
Turned on. Fire. Exactly.

00;40;00;21 - 00;40;02;06
Seth
Light it up. Light it up.

00;40;02;12 - 00;40;05;03
Stephanie
Yeah, well, but here's the.

00;40;05;05 - 00;40;06;10
Mandalyn
The moral of the story.

00;40;06;10 - 00;40;07;15
Stephanie
Is.

00;40;07;17 - 00;40;15;28
Mandalyn
Back to your December. Let it go. Well, like, are you happy with the outcome or do you still regret it and you would have been created?

00;40;16;01 - 00;40;26;16
Stephanie
I, I grieve a little because I do like at least have the tree, you know, have something on the tree. So even talking about it, it's a little painful.

00;40;26;19 - 00;40;32;22
Mandalyn
That's funny. Well, now you know, your minimum threshold next year. You have to always have the tree.

00;40;32;28 - 00;40;48;00
Seth
I'm good with it. Not, you know, this year, this year, 2025, I can already envision, you know, we're we're get it. We're going to go we're going to go up to our tree right. Unless we just go on a whole month long cruise.

00;40;48;03 - 00;40;49;04
Mandalyn
Oh my God. There you go.

00;40;49;08 - 00;41;15;00
Stephanie
There you go. Well it was it last year or the year before where we didn't decorate and I was so mad that like, nothing was done. And I'm like, I want this to feel, you know, like Christmas, like a cozy Christmas. Got this beautiful home. And my mom always decorated our home growing up so beautifully. And anyway, so I stayed up till like 2 a.m. by myself decorating the whole house is.

00;41;15;02 - 00;41;15;27
Stephanie
And I was so.

00;41;15;27 - 00;41;17;13
Stephanie
Happy I loved it.

00;41;17;16 - 00;41;37;18
Stephanie
But this year I was like, I'm not doing it. It like anytime people ask me, I'm like, you on it actually was an amazing Christmas. It really was. It was very chill and relaxed because we had gotten the tree early and because we had done the gifts early. A lot of firsts for us that we've been working on.

00;41;37;20 - 00;41;42;22
Stephanie
And so overall, like it actually was a really beautiful Christmas.

00;41;42;25 - 00;42;04;09
Mandalyn
So awesome for me too. For me too. And I'm glad I took my trip. And I'm glad that I helped with the police because we decided this was our last year. And so I won't even get to do it again. And so it all just fell into place when I realized, like, it's okay, I there's I won't even remember that I didn't decorate this year in like a couple years, you know?

00;42;04;11 - 00;42;08;08
Seth
Yeah, but we will. And we have a record of it right here on the Forever Young show.

00;42;08;11 - 00;42;14;15
Stephanie
So we'll remember because it was the same year that we didn't even decorate the tree.

00;42;14;18 - 00;42;15;12
Stephanie
That's right.

00;42;15;14 - 00;42;26;07
Seth
It's going to be elf on the shelf. We're going to have this little mini, we're sentimental and Billy, a little TV with just this part of the episode. Oh my gosh, you know what? Hearts that you didn't decorate.

00;42;26;09 - 00;42;28;02
Mandalyn
I love it, I love it.

00;42;28;04 - 00;42;43;24
Seth
Please do so letting if letting it go. If it if let it go. Letting it now now I'm starting to sing Disney. If let it go is your strength. What's your weakness when it comes to like, mindset self-care?

00;42;43;26 - 00;43;07;15
Mandalyn
Letting it go. Have you ever heard, like, your biggest strength is you're also your biggest weakness? So it depends on whose perspective it is. Right? But I tell my employees all the time, one of my top five strengths is adaptability. And so truly, that is is my blessing is I can adapt easily. I don't hold on to things.

00;43;07;15 - 00;43;30;15
Mandalyn
I can kind of move wherever the wind is taking me and roll with the punches, which is great, but it's also super annoying for people that are close to me because like, they will be like, oh wait, now you want to shift you already said you were going to do this. Like now you're being annoying, you know? And so, plus, plus I can let things go that I decide don't matter to me.

00;43;30;15 - 00;43;55;00
Mandalyn
And maybe that matters more to someone else. So I think it can be a thorn just because, other people are affected sometimes by those decisions I make that just seem loosey goosey to me. And maybe they aren't to someone else. And so, I'm not a perfectionist that can that can impact my work. Right? Like I told you, you know, I'm half assed.

00;43;55;00 - 00;44;09;17
Mandalyn
So if you ask me to do something, you're going to get half ass work. So maybe you don't like that, then don't call me. And but I am deadline driven. Meaning that I will get it done on the very last day possible. And so I do get it done.

00;44;09;19 - 00;44;13;13
Stephanie
Physically.

00;44;13;16 - 00;44;24;17
Stephanie
So what strategies have you found effective for managing your stress? Because you said that like you're just not a stressful person and also practicing self-compassion.

00;44;24;19 - 00;44;44;18
Mandalyn
So I laugh at myself a lot. Like if I mess up, I've learned how to just laugh at myself and be okay with it and not beat myself up mentally, because that's what we tend to do. A lot of times it's like, oh my gosh, you're so stupid. Like, and we talk ourselves to to ourselves terribly and we tell ourselves lies all the time.

00;44;44;20 - 00;45;07;10
Mandalyn
And I've learned not to do that. I just kind of laugh it off and like, okay, like, oh, for sure, I could be a little bit better. And like I said, it's that 1%. Instead of feeling like I have to totally change and become a whole better person, like just got 1%. If I can make a 1% increase or improvement in my attitude or in what I'm eating or in anything I do, that's doable, right?

00;45;07;10 - 00;45;30;19
Mandalyn
So just kind of feeling like, you know, I can do that. Also, just like I do like to meditate, do I do it enough? No, but I do take my personal time. So whether that's like reading my scriptures, and, you know, saying my prayers and just finding a quiet moment, to be able to talk to God when I'm driving.

00;45;30;19 - 00;45;52;15
Mandalyn
I'm a terrible driver. And I talked about all the time. First I'm like, take the wheel. And second, I'm like, hey, let's talk about what's happening today and what I need you to help me with, you know, or what you want me to do. And so having that peace of mind, like, I honestly don't know how people do it without that relationship with God because, like, I feel like I can do anything with him.

00;45;52;18 - 00;46;14;13
Mandalyn
And so to me, that's a big deal to me. But outside of like, you know, talking about that part with God, like, it really is just kind of feeling like, you know what, I'm a normal person. Everything's going to be okay. I need time for me. I don't feel guilty about spending money on myself or taking time out for me.

00;46;14;15 - 00;46;30;06
Mandalyn
My husband, I would guess that he would say that my biggest flaw. Shopping. Like I spend too much money. I'll be honest with you guys. I don't think I spend that much money yet. Amazon comes to my house every day, but it's for little crap. And, it's not a lot of money. I tell them all the time it could be worse.

00;46;30;06 - 00;46;39;25
Mandalyn
And I will tell you this I found that I am not a shopper, I am a supporter. I am simply supporting other business owners.

00;46;39;27 - 00;46;40;27
Stephanie
Right.

00;46;41;00 - 00;46;53;09
Seth
This is going to be the most the most played 30s of the entire show. I'm a shopper. I'm a spender. I am a supporter. I'm just supporting them.

00;46;53;11 - 00;46;54;06
Stephanie
Yes.

00;46;54;08 - 00;47;15;08
Mandalyn
Yes, I want people to support me. That's not a bad thing. So yeah, I, I just I just feel like for me, I want to feel joy every day. And I've learned to let go. I've learned not to compare. I wish I could instill all of that in my kids. And I do believe that I will, over time, just by example.

00;47;15;08 - 00;47;28;21
Mandalyn
I can't tell them and force them you know what to do, but I hope that just my daily example will teach them. Mom was always happy. She didn't seem to compare herself, you know, or beat herself up because she made a mistake. You know.

00;47;28;29 - 00;47;37;00
Stephanie
One thing that I've learned, kind of along those lines, is because I, I'm actually a very stressed out person a lot of the time.

00;47;37;02 - 00;47;37;12
Stephanie
Okay.

00;47;37;12 - 00;47;38;19
Seth
I'm stressed out.

00;47;38;19 - 00;47;46;16
Stephanie
Yeah. Am I not? Oh.

00;47;46;19 - 00;47;55;06
Seth
I don't feel like you're typical mojo and, like, like like the the essence of Stephanie.

00;47;55;12 - 00;47;55;29
Stephanie

00;47;56;11 - 00;48;18;27
Seth
Like in your personality or values. I don't feel like that is is innately, like a stressed out kind of a personality. In fact, like when we when we met, when we, you know, when we were dating and stuff and recording, I didn't feel like you were a stressed out personality. You know, stress was in your life.

00;48;18;29 - 00;48;33;04
Seth
Today I would I would say that you stress. I see you stressing more on things, but I feel like you're a fish out of the water. And that's why you're that's why you're a terrible stressor is because you're a fish out of water. It's like, not innate to you.

00;48;33;06 - 00;48;34;08
Stephanie
Well.

00;48;34;11 - 00;48;51;28
Stephanie
I guess I'll have to rethink that. And I don't remember what I was talking about. Oh, that totally threw me off. I thought you were going to agree with me. Oh. Well, okay, so maybe maybe it's more that I can go quickly to stress.

00;48;52;00 - 00;48;52;12
Stephanie
In a.

00;48;52;12 - 00;48;53;10
Stephanie
Lot of situations.

00;48;53;13 - 00;48;54;08
Seth
Okay.

00;48;54;10 - 00;49;06;05
Stephanie
Maybe that's more of what I'm feeling and that, I'm frequently tense in my body, so maybe I don't necessarily show, but I feel that tension.

00;49;06;05 - 00;49;07;22
Seth
I'll try to pay more money.

00;49;07;24 - 00;49;28;15
Mandalyn
I'm glad you brought that up. That is, I get massages. I used to get them weekly, but then I decided to try to go on a budget. So I get them done monthly. And I tell my husband all the time that is my therapy. Do not take that away from me because I do. Even though I say I don't stress very much, my body would totally disagree.

00;49;28;18 - 00;49;41;22
Mandalyn
Yeah right. It takes the brunt of it. And so I am like from here to here, like very tense. And so massages are critical for me to be able to just let that go. You know.

00;49;41;25 - 00;49;42;06
Stephanie
Yeah.

00;49;42;11 - 00;49;45;14
Stephanie
Yeah that's that's a good point.

00;49;45;16 - 00;49;47;19
Mandalyn
You're welcome. No, no. She said.

00;49;47;21 - 00;49;48;27
Stephanie
She charges oh.

00;49;48;29 - 00;49;50;10
Seth
0000. You know what.

00;49;50;10 - 00;49;50;28
Stephanie
He.

00;49;51;01 - 00;49;55;01
Stephanie
Actually he's he's the one that's like 70. We need to get another massage.

00;49;55;03 - 00;49;56;09
Stephanie
Oh there you go.

00;49;56;12 - 00;50;04;10
Stephanie
I'm actually not the spender. Like if I'm like well fine, I'm just going to go spend money. And he's like, what are you going to do, spend $50 at Ross?

00;50;04;11 - 00;50;04;29
Seth
Like,

00;50;05;02 - 00;50;07;08
Stephanie
And I'm like, no, it's going to be a hundred this time.

00;50;07;15 - 00;50;10;23
Stephanie
Oh yeah, I love but we don't have.

00;50;10;24 - 00;50;15;08
Mandalyn
You and I, you and I can go to Ross and spend it. I love Ross.

00;50;15;08 - 00;50;16;22
Stephanie
Let's do it.

00;50;16;25 - 00;50;22;14
Seth
I'm just a supporter. I just support businesses.

00;50;22;17 - 00;50;23;12
Stephanie
Yeah. My wife.

00;50;23;12 - 00;50;40;23
Seth
You're. You're irrespective of the price. This. This happens all the time. Stephanie. You because to say how much was that? And mom will know exactly how much it was and she probably saved like 79% on a bad day on something. And they'll say to me, same thing. Hey, dad, how much did you spend on that? Said, I have no idea.

00;50;40;23 - 00;50;43;23
Seth
I wanted it, so I bought it.

00;50;43;26 - 00;50;50;19
Mandalyn
So I'm a blend of both of you. I don't ever look at price tags, but I go to Ross because I know I'm going to save money.

00;50;50;22 - 00;50;52;28
Stephanie
That is very true.

00;50;53;00 - 00;51;06;15
Seth
So where do you get. So do you have a specific massage, therapist that you go to or something? Because we, we actually have our massage therapist does house calls. And so in fact, she was just she was just here two days ago.

00;51;06;16 - 00;51;08;21
Stephanie
Yeah. Well, yeah.

00;51;08;21 - 00;51;16;15
Mandalyn
And it's. Well, that is very convenient. That would be very convenient. I don't want a massage in my house because I wouldn't be able to fully.

00;51;16;15 - 00;51;19;27
Stephanie
Relax in my house. Yes.

00;51;19;29 - 00;51;22;05
Mandalyn
It is. I need to go through my.

00;51;22;07 - 00;51;22;27
Stephanie
Yeah.

00;51;22;29 - 00;51;34;20
Mandalyn
I need to go somewhere and just feel like I'm totally getting away from everything. So, yeah, I go to Provo. I live in Saratoga, but I go to Provo. Diane is my masseuse, and she.

00;51;34;20 - 00;51;35;19
Stephanie
Is.

00;51;35;22 - 00;51;48;22
Mandalyn
Amazing. Like, she can touch my body and tell me everything that is going right and everything that is going wrong within the first couple minutes. So yeah, I've I've loved having her for the last few years.

00;51;48;24 - 00;51;51;26
Stephanie
So what type of massage do you get from her?

00;51;51;28 - 00;52;13;15
Mandalyn
So this is a cool thing. It's not necessarily like a type of massage. Like she just does my eye massage and she will just work the areas, but she, you know, senses are tense, so it's like, usually a medium pressure, just full body massage. But like, she'll ask, you know, what do you want me to give extra attention to?

00;52;13;21 - 00;52;36;06
Mandalyn
And usually it's like my head. Or maybe I say, you know what, I want my face massage more today or whatever, but literally she will she will just fine things and she will work them out for me. So I don't even other than like, hey, what what extra things do you want me to do? It's like I can just put her on autopilot and know that she's going to address anything that needs to be addressed.

00;52;36;08 - 00;52;40;26
Stephanie
Know. So I feel like that's ours or yeah, that's awesome.

00;52;40;28 - 00;52;42;10
Mandalyn
That's awesome.

00;52;42;12 - 00;52;48;18
Stephanie
Yeah. Does, is she does she work in the clinic? Like, does she do a couple massages or anything like that?

00;52;48;20 - 00;53;09;17
Mandalyn
So she has her own practice, in a clinic, but it's just her. And then she rents out rooms to, like, estheticians. And so she's the only massage therapist in there, so she doesn't do couples. So when my husband and I get couples massages, we go to some shady places.

00;53;09;20 - 00;53;09;29
Stephanie
My.

00;53;09;29 - 00;53;22;17
Mandalyn
Husband likes. He's frugal. He wants to save money. Every time I text these guys, we can get in instantly. But the stories I have to share are for a whole nother episode and they are fun.

00;53;22;20 - 00;53;24;28
Seth
It's a different part of town.

00;53;25;00 - 00;53;26;19
Mandalyn
It's a different part of town.

00;53;26;19 - 00;53;32;14
Stephanie
Oh, that sounds fun.

00;53;32;17 - 00;53;45;08
Stephanie
So I know that, you talk about how, comparison is the thief of joy and how not comparing ourselves or accomplishing ends or journeys to each other.

00;53;45;11 - 00;53;47;01
Stephanie
Yeah.

00;53;47;04 - 00;53;59;16
Mandalyn
Yeah, I, I did learn that early on. I mean, I will say this, not that. I mean, I'm human. If someone has something that I want, I want it and I'll probably get it. And you're.

00;53;59;18 - 00;54;03;03
Seth
You're you're supporting people. You are just all about supporting.

00;54;03;06 - 00;54;03;26
Stephanie
Yes.

00;54;03;26 - 00;54;26;19
Mandalyn
You're welcome people. Right. And I don't want them to feel alone and odd. So I'm going to get what you have so you can feel good about it. So I, I don't know, I just, I, I learned that early in life for some reason that it doesn't really matter if I can't have what you have, because some things are just given by God.

00;54;26;19 - 00;54;56;20
Mandalyn
We're just blessed with them, and they're not meant for me. And I don't want your problems right. Like, that's one thing. Like, even in relationships, like, ultimately I decided, okay, I have a choice with my husband as we're going through these growing pains of growing older together and becoming different people, I can choose to not be okay with that and feel like I can walk away from this and find someone better, but I'm going to find somebody with different problems because we all have problems.

00;54;56;22 - 00;55;19;27
Mandalyn
And like, I'd rather just stick with him who I know really well and learn how to work with our problems. Right. So it's the same with anything like I think one of the biggest reasons I'm okay not having what you have is because I totally understand that along with all the cool things you have and all the blessings and cool like beautiful things you have, you also have ugly things.

00;55;19;29 - 00;55;47;22
Mandalyn
And I don't necessarily want your ugly things. So I think that's what's helped me is like, I'm okay with my beautiful and my ugly. I'm okay with that because I can still change that anything, right? Even my looks these days, I can really change that if I want to. Like I have the control to change a lot of things in my life and even like, just positive energy, like I can change almost anything.

00;55;47;25 - 00;56;05;08
Mandalyn
I'm going to share this, and this might be a little too much for you, Seth, but I did not like my body. I was always happy with my body, always happy with my body. And after my third child, I went through a period where I was not happy with my body. I felt like I needed, like a,

00;56;05;11 - 00;56;27;15
Mandalyn
I just especially like my breast. I was like, I need a boob job. I am not happy with this. My husband was like, oh heck no, you are not doing that. Like, he was scared to death of that thought. And so you know what? I prayed every day, and I wrote things to myself every day that I would be happy with my body.

00;56;27;17 - 00;56;47;23
Mandalyn
And amazingly, like I remember not like a certain day, but I just remember over a period of time, like that thought just totally going away and me loving my body again. Like all of a sudden I was totally comfortable in my own skin and I was like, I'm happy with my body. I'm happy with my boobs. I do not need a boob job.

00;56;47;26 - 00;57;19;16
Mandalyn
And like, that's crazy because nothing changed. They didn't automatically lift or fill or anything like that. It was my mindset and God helped me with that, right? Like so to me, I can overcome anything because a lot of it is energy and mindset, right? So honestly, like that's that's huge for me. Like, I don't know, but yeah, I think the biggest thing with comparison is, we're only seeing the best of people most of the time, and we're not seeing they're ugly.

00;57;19;16 - 00;57;23;20
Mandalyn
And I don't want to know what their ugly is, and I don't want it for me.

00;57;23;22 - 00;57;34;18
Stephanie
So definitely can relate to a lot of that. If you know what, if God wanted me to have Perkier boobs, I guess that would have been part of the plan.

00;57;34;20 - 00;57;40;20
Mandalyn
I think with Stephanie, we would just get into trouble with.

00;57;40;23 - 00;57;58;15
Seth
Then you'd be reading the book last week on our app. One of our recent episodes, it was about actually toxic implant illness and. Yes, and yes, our dear friend Marcy Nevils, wrote, wrote a book on, toxic implant illness.

00;57;58;21 - 00;58;02;09
Stephanie
Her journey on. Yeah, how she got it hurt.

00;58;02;09 - 00;58;04;10
Seth
And she and ten other women.

00;58;04;12 - 00;58;06;04
Stephanie
Right? Yeah, yeah. Not just her journey.

00;58;06;05 - 00;58;07;20
Seth
In the book. So other.

00;58;07;20 - 00;58;07;29
Stephanie
Women.

00;58;08;00 - 00;58;09;03
Stephanie
Yeah. Yeah.

00;58;09;05 - 00;58;27;19
Mandalyn
You know, being at a beauty school, a lot of my students have done that. And, one student in particular that came several years ago went through that, and she had surgery after surgery and was a wreck. And I thought, oh, that was not worth it. So really, that was kind of in the back of my head as well at that time.

00;58;27;19 - 00;58;35;15
Mandalyn
Like there are risks, right. And and I told you, I'm not afraid to take risk. But you have to weigh that out, like, wait, I want to look better.

00;58;35;15 - 00;58;36;27
Stephanie
What looks better.

00;58;37;00 - 00;58;43;10
Mandalyn
Right. If this is something that could happen, what's going to look better? I think me right now is going to look better than that.

00;58;43;16 - 00;59;03;10
Stephanie
So definitely, during my experience, all of that wasn't really coming out yet. And so it definitely was validation later on of, yeah. Oh, I'm so glad I didn't have to go through that to understand, you know, how toxic it is. Yeah. So grateful.

00;59;03;10 - 00;59;09;17
Mandalyn
Well, good. I'm so, so glad for you that you were able to get through that and now have that validation.

00;59;09;17 - 00;59;10;14
Stephanie
Thank you.

00;59;10;16 - 00;59;24;14
Seth
Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. And like Madeline, do you like, I mean, I'm, I'm a I am a weathered man on this show. Like, we we're all up in it like I'm. Yeah. You're not going to.

00;59;24;17 - 00;59;25;26
Stephanie
Okay. Yeah. I'm not going to.

00;59;25;28 - 00;59;30;14
Stephanie
Really take that differently, honey. Oh, really? Gotta watch what you say.

00;59;30;17 - 00;59;33;03
Seth
You can take it the way they want. Like, let it go.

00;59;33;04 - 00;59;33;28
Stephanie
It's true.

00;59;33;28 - 00;59;36;16
Stephanie
Let it go.

00;59;36;18 - 00;59;39;06
Seth
I'm thinking, how did you take that?

00;59;39;08 - 00;59;43;17
Stephanie
We can talk about it later.

00;59;43;20 - 00;59;52;10
Seth
So let's talk about her community. We were. We were actually talking about that a little in the pre show. You and a friend.

00;59;52;12 - 00;59;53;23
Mandalyn
My sister.

00;59;53;25 - 01;00;02;22
Seth
Okay. That's. It's a good thing that you could just say she's my friend, and she's just my sister and a friend because, like, sometimes you train.

01;00;02;24 - 01;00;04;00
Stephanie
Sometimes they don't go together.

01;00;04;00 - 01;00;06;29
Seth
You're not my friend right now.

01;00;07;02 - 01;00;12;09
Mandalyn
This is true. It's like you always love, but sometimes you don't like, right?

01;00;12;11 - 01;00;14;29
Stephanie
Oh my goodness. I say that all the time.

01;00;15;02 - 01;00;15;27
Mandalyn
Well, good.

01;00;16;00 - 01;00;18;29
Stephanie
We're like,

01;00;19;01 - 01;00;24;09
Stephanie
I have a lot of Jesus in my heart. So I love people I love.

01;00;24;09 - 01;00;30;02
Seth
It means we are not on friendly terms. We're not doing the things including spouses.

01;00;30;07 - 01;00;32;21
Mandalyn
Right.

01;00;32;23 - 01;00;33;17
Seth
There.

01;00;33;19 - 01;00;38;12
Stephanie
Are some days. Oh, no, I'm just some people over time.

01;00;38;14 - 01;00;39;00
Stephanie
Okay?

01;00;39;02 - 01;00;40;23
Stephanie
Know we're.

01;00;40;25 - 01;00;44;03
Seth
It was hot the minute you walked in.

01;00;44;06 - 01;00;45;27
Mandalyn
Oh, nice. Come back.

01;00;45;27 - 01;00;50;04
Stephanie
Let's come back. Oh, yeah.

01;00;50;07 - 01;00;56;22
Stephanie
I mean, there are times that, like. I'm sure, I'm sure we've never really had this discussion. So here we.

01;00;56;22 - 01;00;59;03
Seth
Are. Let's do it. Let's uncover it.

01;00;59;05 - 01;00;59;22
Mandalyn
Let's do it.

01;01;00;02 - 01;01;07;14
Stephanie
It's not saying that you don't like me. It's just there's some things that I know you don't like that I do, and that's okay.

01;01;07;16 - 01;01;10;28
Stephanie
Oh my goodness. Okay.

01;01;11;01 - 01;01;11;27
Mandalyn
It is okay.

01;01;11;28 - 01;01;20;16
Stephanie
That's what I mean by yes. Sometimes our spouses fall in that category too, because we're okay.

01;01;20;18 - 01;01;23;14
Seth
It is okay. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it.

01;01;23;17 - 01;01;30;00
Mandalyn
And. Okay. So what is one thing that you don't like about Stephanie.

01;01;30;03 - 01;01;34;00
Stephanie
You're going in for? Oh.

01;01;34;02 - 01;01;37;27
Mandalyn
You got it. You have something.

01;01;37;29 - 01;01;41;01
Stephanie
Mr..

01;01;41;03 - 01;01;45;01
Seth
I'm. I'm thinking just. Honey, I'm working really hard to come up with something.

01;01;45;04 - 01;01;47;06
Mandalyn
Oh, wow. Stephanie.

01;01;47;09 - 01;01;51;10
Stephanie
And tell us what yours is.

01;01;51;13 - 01;01;57;02
Stephanie
How sometimes he comes off as obsessed with basketball.

01;01;57;04 - 01;02;02;22
Stephanie
Oh, okay. So fatal.

01;02;02;22 - 01;02;10;13
Stephanie
Flaw. I love to watch him play. He's really good at it. I just. Okay, once I'm like, okay, I'm over here.

01;02;10;16 - 01;02;15;18
Mandalyn
Hey, she's jealous of basketball coaches.

01;02;15;25 - 01;02;17;00
Stephanie
Front row.

01;02;17;02 - 01;02;19;23
Seth
Front row, courtside.

01;02;19;25 - 01;02;24;01
Stephanie
I'm loving it. No.

01;02;24;03 - 01;02;46;12
Seth
No, no, I will, I will answer. Sometimes I don't know what to do. I don't I don't know. They're going to say I don't like it. I don't like it the way I feel sometimes. I don't know what to do with your fire, because it gets me a little off kilter. And just playing, you know, and and sometimes mistake on my part.

01;02;46;18 - 01;02;49;18
Seth
I'm learning how to do this is I take it personal.

01;02;49;18 - 01;02;50;29
Stephanie
I'm like, yeah.

01;02;51;02 - 01;02;56;23
Seth
Why? Why you're hating on me. Right? When I realized that, oh, you know, I mean, that's just your personality.

01;02;56;27 - 01;02;58;15
Stephanie
Yeah, I, I have a lot of passion.

01;02;58;15 - 01;03;04;07
Seth
You, you you come off with a little Irish going to kick you in your ass, right?

01;03;04;07 - 01;03;07;23
Stephanie
I just you love it.

01;03;07;25 - 01;03;12;21
Seth
I don't know how to take that, but I love it. But I, you know, I just. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. So, so sometimes it really ticks.

01;03;12;21 - 01;03;15;14
Stephanie
Me off the same. Can't see I get it.

01;03;15;17 - 01;03;23;16
Mandalyn
This is the first step in therapy that happened.

01;03;23;19 - 01;03;30;27
Seth
Now we have a little good music. And thank you for joining us. Our therapy in session with Madeline Freeman.

01;03;31;00 - 01;03;31;04
Stephanie
Right.

01;03;31;08 - 01;03;38;29
Seth
Marriage therapist and expert guru. She's the author of three books on.

01;03;39;02 - 01;03;41;18
Stephanie
One day about your success.

01;03;41;20 - 01;03;43;18
Seth
And has helped thousands of countless people.

01;03;43;24 - 01;03;47;01
Stephanie
It should be stories about what you like.

01;03;47;04 - 01;03;49;28
Seth
Yes, yes, the story. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.

01;03;50;00 - 01;03;56;22
Stephanie
That's right. Oh, that coffee. Yeah. Oh.

01;03;56;24 - 01;04;23;04
Mandalyn
You know what? The high school sweetheart, a lot of them don't last. And it's because you you have to allow yourself to grow up, right? I mean, you're young in high school. You have no idea who you are. Yeah, you're doing. And so to me, I realized, like, whoa, we've got to let ourselves grow up. And sometimes that's allowing each other to turn into our parent, right?

01;04;23;04 - 01;04;37;22
Mandalyn
And it's like, oh, wait, what? I didn't marry that. I married a fun kid who was like, you know, like to be carefree and play. And now to see him transition and adult and become like his dad. It's like.

01;04;37;23 - 01;04;38;21
Stephanie
Oh.

01;04;38;24 - 01;04;48;15
Mandalyn
I gotta I gotta love it. I got to be okay with it. So I think that's something that's been really challenging. But I've loved learning.

01;04;48;17 - 01;04;53;08
Stephanie
I think it's important to, you know, be able to go with the flow.

01;04;53;08 - 01;04;55;16
Stephanie
And because you.

01;04;55;18 - 01;05;03;11
Stephanie
I feel like you want to always be evolving. Right. You and and so you're going to want grace as you're doing that. Yeah.

01;05;03;15 - 01;05;04;14
Stephanie
Yeah.

01;05;04;16 - 01;05;08;18
Stephanie
And they're going to need grace as they're doing that thing out to.

01;05;08;20 - 01;05;19;21
Seth
You may have a great point. Like high school sweetheart like you. You're I mean, I'm thinking about what I who I was in high school. Amazing. Don't don't get me wrong, like I was.

01;05;19;24 - 01;05;22;06
Stephanie
Yeah. I'm nothing.

01;05;22;09 - 01;05;26;09
Stephanie
I was thinking of your high school picture.

01;05;26;11 - 01;05;27;29
Mandalyn
You got to post that later.

01;05;28;01 - 01;05;30;28
Stephanie
I was thinking, oh, my goodness.

01;05;31;00 - 01;05;38;07
Seth
It might be in one of these shorts. Yeah. Like, what did Seth, what did Seth, Stephanie and mandolin look like in high school?

01;05;38;10 - 01;05;39;19
Stephanie
Oh.

01;05;39;21 - 01;05;40;26
Mandalyn
Okay. That'd be fun.

01;05;40;26 - 01;05;42;00
Stephanie
Yeah, yeah.

01;05;42;02 - 01;06;02;05
Seth
I seriously looked like I was 12 years old. My, my my high school, my my senior year. And I was a late bloomer. So I graduated as, like, five foot seven, you know, 100 and pounds or whatever. And, big personality in a kind of like a really, really small ball.

01;06;02;07 - 01;06;04;00
Stephanie
That's just like our daughter.

01;06;04;02 - 01;06;30;05
Seth
That is, she is big personality, but it's not like, so you go, I show up for senior pictures and at the photographers at the, at the photographer's studio and, and pull on cardigan, blue shirt and a bow tie. Right. Like real like like I'm like, I'm wearing a bow tie in honor of the members. Was it wasn't a clip on camera.

01;06;30;05 - 01;06;43;28
Seth
It was an entire. But, you get we get the high school yearbook. The only senior 12 year old. I'm the only.

01;06;44;01 - 01;06;44;18
Stephanie
People.

01;06;44;25 - 01;06;54;21
Seth
In the senior entire senior graduating class of 420 or whatever it is, who's also wearing a bow tie? There was not one other bow tie with a big cheesy.

01;06;54;28 - 01;06;58;20
Stephanie
Yeah, okay. Wow. Wow.

01;06;58;22 - 01;07;05;04
Mandalyn
So you look like the little nerd that's like, ninth grade graduating for like, three years. Like.

01;07;05;07 - 01;07;06;29
Stephanie
Yeah. Totally awesome.

01;07;07;01 - 01;07;32;11
Seth
Think about that. And how how you guys have weather 25 years. And it is so true that many don't make it because they're not willing to grow with each other. And like, yeah, I just I don't I don't have any concept of that mandola. Because, you know, as Stephanie and I being, being, you know, in a remarriage situation where we both have lives when we were.

01;07;32;11 - 01;07;33;10
Stephanie
Young.

01;07;33;13 - 01;07;54;16
Seth
I didn't when, in fact, I remember the first night that we met at the dance, you know, at the dance floor, on the dance floor. And I asked her out after that night. We had danced a bunch, you know, and and she said, sure. And I said, Stephanie, I'm 40 years old with no. 39 at the time.

01;07;54;24 - 01;08;16;25
Seth
I'm 39 years old with six kids. Right. Let me like this. Like there's a package here, folks actually put me or several packages that we're Amazon like for the whole truck, right. And, like we were coming at we were coming to a point where we met each other after we'd already developed a lot of that adulting. Right?

01;08;16;27 - 01;08;20;29
Seth
Yeah. So many experiences that we raised kids and, and whatnot.

01;08;20;29 - 01;08;22;00
Stephanie
So,

01;08;22;02 - 01;08;24;14
Seth
That's that's I just it's a beautiful tribute.

01;08;24;17 - 01;08;29;02
Mandalyn
But that brings the brings its own challenges too, right? I mean, that's.

01;08;29;02 - 01;08;30;01
Stephanie
The whole thing.

01;08;30;01 - 01;08;31;24
Mandalyn
Is like marriage hard.

01;08;32;01 - 01;08;34;20
Stephanie
No matter where you're coming.

01;08;34;22 - 01;08;38;11
Seth
Yeah, absolutely. So well, congratulations to you and Bill.

01;08;38;14 - 01;08;38;23
Stephanie
Yeah.

01;08;38;29 - 01;08;40;02
Mandalyn
Thank you.

01;08;40;04 - 01;08;55;09
Stephanie
I remember telling or talking to a friend, and I had opened up to her about something, and she was like, welcome, Stephanie. I would have never known that you guys have heard yet because your marriage looks so perfect.

01;08;55;11 - 01;09;00;09
Stephanie
And you consider. Yes, but we have heard.

01;09;00;11 - 01;09;04;09
Stephanie
And, not necessarily like, I mean, the blending of families.

01;09;04;14 - 01;09;10;04
Seth
Oh goodness gracious. And let's talk about Vitamix.

01;09;10;06 - 01;09;10;19
Stephanie
Yeah.

01;09;10;21 - 01;09;14;15
Seth
Still blending challenges and opportunities.

01;09;14;15 - 01;09;15;17
Stephanie
Yeah.

01;09;15;19 - 01;09;37;21
Stephanie
But know it was just really interesting to me. She was a really close friend too. And just how she had put her marriage up on a platform. And so we were perfect. So I'm like, oh girl, oh no, we are very much human and there are no perfect marriage is out there. You know, some some, might be a little smoother or healthier or different things like that.

01;09;37;21 - 01;09;41;07
Stephanie
But everybody, everybody has their challenges.

01;09;41;09 - 01;09;48;12
Seth
It's people. But the best marriages are made of people to people who are willing to work.

01;09;48;14 - 01;09;49;22
Mandalyn
That's right.

01;09;49;24 - 01;09;52;03
Stephanie
Work and forgive.

01;09;52;06 - 01;09;53;06
Mandalyn
I love it.

01;09;53;09 - 01;10;13;16
Seth
There are some things every woman that I, every woman that I know and that we work with, I want them, I want her, I want her, not them. I want her to hear what you've shared with us today. It has been tremendous. It's been inspiring. It's been spunky. It's been fun. It's been spiritual.

01;10;13;22 - 01;10;15;07
Mandalyn
Thanks so much for having me. Oh.

01;10;15;07 - 01;10;23;20
Stephanie
Thank you. It was such a pleasure to have you on here and to share your lights and your experience and everything. It was so good.

01;10;23;23 - 01;10;27;17
Seth
And cut. It's a wrap.

01;10;27;19 - 01;10;42;22
Stephanie
Thank you so much for being here today. And thank you for sharing this episode with that one friend who needs this conversation. Thank you for all the ratings, the reviews, the comments, and especially the support. We so appreciate you.

01;10;42;24 - 01;10;56;26
Seth
Now, if you want to take a peek behind the curtain and be the first to know about special previews, backstage updates here at the show, and especially some private collection content that doesn't come out in the regular show.

01;10;56;28 - 01;11;01;26
Stephanie
Be sure to join our VIP community at the Forever Young Show. Com.