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Stephanie
Hi, I'm Stephanie.

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Seth
I'm Seth, and this is the Forever Young show. The most powerful force in this world is a woman who knows who she is, why? She is here, and what she wants to accomplish.

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Stephanie
And that's where self-care comes in. As a woman, it is my opportunity and my responsibility to take care of me.

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Seth
Self-care for your mind.

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Stephanie
Self-care for your body.

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Seth
Self-care for your money.

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Stephanie
Our mission is to serve women as they fulfill their irreplaceable roles and families. Society. Business. The fabric of humanity.

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Seth
So let's get this show on the road.

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Stephanie
We have Roxann Granada here. She is a nervous system coach specializing in internal family systems, who help successful women who, despite thriving in many areas of their lives, still feel stuck, overwhelmed and alone even when surrounded by others.

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Seth
I know a lot of women in that situation. Yes. Her own journey of healing from betrayal trauma led her to a deeper understanding of how unresolved parts of ourselves can hold us back.

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Stephanie
Roxann is the author of Cutting Ties Healing Betrayal Trauma as the Spouse of an addict.

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Seth
She also hosts the Chus in podcast, which, by the way, is awesome. Streamed on on all platforms, I'm guessing. Roxann. Spotify. Apple. Everywhere. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. We're going to get into that because I had my own little revelations here. Listening listening to the podcast. Roxana is a trauma informed part of me. Roxana is trauma informed.

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Seth
Certified, has spent ten plus years healing, studying and staying current on the latest advancements in nervous system healing.

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Stephanie
Through her work, she empowers women to break free from internal struggles, heal their nervous systems, and create lasting transformation. She does this through one on one coaching and high level group programs. Roxann, we're so excited to have you here.

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Roxanne
Thank you. Stephanie, I'm so glad to be here with you.

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Stephanie
So, Roxann, what are you most passionate about right now and what are you doing about it?

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Roxanne
Wow. So for my work, most passionate just about the women that I get to meet and how each time we go into their, their system that they're in their parts work, the things that are going on with them each and every time we have a break through, each and every time they find a part of them and they leave the call feeling like there's hope, there's healing, they're going to be okay, and they have their next step for their direction.

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Seth
I love this.

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Stephanie
In fact, I am a client and I can testify that all of that is true. I absolutely love the work that she helps me do and, how I'm feeling now and how I'm growing and learning alongside her. And, it's a beautiful gift.

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Roxanne
I love working with you, Stephanie. And it's just like you are exactly the client that I guess modeled what I do because you are an a woman who wants to thrive, who wants to progress in life, who loves learning, who has so many things going for her. And you are just like everyone else. And sometimes women think that they are alone or they think that, no, I shouldn't be like this.

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Roxanne
But that's not true. We all are. And you are someone who takes the steps.

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Seth
Thank you. Amen. Amen. I actually I actually love it when when y'all do sessions. Because I do, I do. Because Stephanie and I have, I think most of the time we get to have a really great conversation afterwards, like, hey, met with Roxann today, you know, and here's what we talked about. And, and this self-discovery and and healing and recognition and and like, like, I don't I don't remember a time when we haven't had an amazing conversation or an amazing report after after you do parts work.

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Seth
Yeah. Like, it's it's like, it's like, it's it's work, but it's like you come off, you come out of it with this high, you know.

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Roxanne
This insight revelatory, right?

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Seth
I was going to say I had.

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Roxanne
A scary experience. Yeah. And then she gets to come talk to you, and that's so cool. And your guys's relationship, which is what a lot of my clients want, is to have a person they can talk to. So the fact that she can come and say, listen to what I heard, learned, found out about myself and you guys can talk about it is just the best that's going to give hope to other people just knowing that.

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Seth
So like on that, on that note, like, can you can you staff take us take us there and we're we're going to get in depth with Roxann here. But like this is really personal for you now. Right? You've done lots of different types of therapies. Yes. Right. And healing modalities. And I think, you know, even in the introduction and Roxane, I think this is unique.

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Seth
A lot of times we talk about therapy, or different modalities, but something that's come that jumped out to me is as we talk about therapy, we're also talking about nervous system healing. And I've never heard it put that way. I've never really seen the connection. And this may just be my own ignorance, I mean. Right. I feel like we're on Sesame Street.

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Seth
One of these things is not like the other, right? I am kind of the odd man out here, but, you know, a lot of times we'll talk about therapy, we'll talk about talk therapy, we'll talk about counseling, or we'll talk about, somatic healing and nervous system. And for me, this is kind of a little mini revelation.

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Seth
Wait a second. We're talking about parts work and some of this internal work and nervous nervous system healing because they're they're connected. I don't think I ever really thought about it that way. That way before. Yeah.

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Stephanie
Yeah. They're connected. I'm trying to think of, like, what your question is and how much I can share, because a lot of it really is super personal and deep. I find that a lot of, at least the things that we talk about is, typically from childhood and it's going back and, meeting yourself at that time and figuring out, I guess maybe, how something affected your nervous system and how you needed something.

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Stephanie
I don't know. Am I making.

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Seth
Sense? Yeah. Like. Like on a girlfriend. I am picking up what you're throwing down.

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Stephanie
Okay. So going back to to you as a child, whichever age that is, and meeting her there and being there for her in the way that she needed. So, you know, validating her, talking to her about maybe how it should have been different in a healthier way. And also something that we've done a lot of is showing that little girl where I'm at now.

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Stephanie
I think that the last couple sessions have been really powerful for me. You know, saying, yeah, you did go through these experiences and they were really traumatic. And also look at where we're at now because you went through that and you've done the steps to heal.

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Seth
You know.

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Stephanie
You do feel amazing and you are being successful in different areas, you know, motherhood or, marriage or, I don't know, business outside in the community and and things.

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Roxanne
That's amazing. If I'll add some things about that, because, Seth, you were talking about nervous system healing and how parts work, I'll just say how that kind of aligns together. And then Stephanie is sharing kind of her experience. So to kind of catch your listeners up on what are we even talking about? Right. Like this is like, I don't I don't know what they're saying.

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Roxanne
I mean, I like it and I want my inner child to heal, but I don't really understand how or why or what or even the process.

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Seth
So what in the world is part's work, right?

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Roxanne
Right. Yeah. What is this and why do I need to connect with my younger self and tell her who I am today? Like, that just seems very foreign to somebody who is like, I don't know what you're saying, right? So if you want, I can kind of. Yeah, just go into that a little bit for you guys if that would help.

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Seth
Well, I think that's super helpful because again, amongst the many modalities that people, have tried, right. Some successfully, like I think we can both say that, you know, talk therapies, you know, in different types of counseling. I don't think many people know about part's work. You and I, Steph, will often talk with women as we work with women, in, you know, in the business world and personal relationships.

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Seth
And I think you'll say parts work. And I don't know that very many people, a few know what you're talking about. Yeah.

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Stephanie
But yeah, very few. So yes, it would be super helpful to explain to our guests. What about us? Yeah.

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Roxanne
All I mean, all the therapy has a place, right? And when I was growing up, I had learned, what was modeled for me was that you don't go to counseling, that you don't seek therapy because it brings up stuff that isn't real, or it makes you hash out things that just need to stay down. Like, we don't need to talk about that, because then we'll remember.

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Roxanne
And then our marriages will end or things like that. Right? And so fear.

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Seth
Based.

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Roxanne
100% fear based because, I mean, if a marriage is close to end, it's going to end and we're going to either end in a healthy way or we're not. Right. So it's it's keeping it that doesn't help anybody. But, I was introduced to therapy from somebody who felt inspired to say, I think I'm supposed to tell you that I see a therapist.

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Roxanne
And I was like, that was my answer. And so I started and I was like 40. So that was like 12 years ago. And that was like the most amazing experience of my life to go into therapy. It was talk therapy and share and then be validated that what I was feeling was correct and that that would make sense.

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Roxanne
And what I was going through was not okay. Right. So there was a definite place for that. The issue or the thing that is, coming to light more now about just talk therapy is the whole concept of, talk therapy is a lot about changing your mindset, and that is a good thing. Changing your mindset is great, but we actually can't change the mindset if we are bypassing the emotions, if we're like, we're not going into emotions or why we feel that way, it's almost like white knuckling it.

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Roxanne
I am going to feel better today, and I'm not going to be sad today and I'm whatever. We're just like gripping it to death until we crash and burn. So that is the talk therapy world is kind of a top down approach. We start at the mind and then we work and then we heal the body. But, nervous system healing is opposite.

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Roxanne
It's a bottom up approach. So we actually go into the body, find what we're feeling, find the stress and the anxiety and the insecurities and the fears and all the doubts. Everything. The overwhelm, the stuff that every single one of us feel at different times. And we find out what why are we afraid? And usually it's something to do with I'm afraid of being alone.

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Roxanne
I'm afraid of how money is going to work. Like, what if I don't have the money I need? We're normally afraid of something. I mean, most of the time, a lot of the time. But that's where our parts live. Our parts are in those emotions, that were created a time when we were younger and we can go into that in a second, but that's just the base.

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Roxanne
So as far as why we go into the emotions, we find these parts that have these emotions, we heal them and then we can get the mind onboard to then start practicing the affirmations and the things that are going to help us. But it doesn't. It heals the emotions first.

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Seth
So in this case, would we? We say that those emotions, probably born from experiences, are kind of at the core. Yep.

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Roxanne
Something about it like when are you guys like if you're stressed about something, are you just stressed in your brain.

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Seth
Or.

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Roxanne
Are you is your heart racing? Do you feel panic? Do you feel anxiety? Do your shoulders get tight and you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? That makes sense.

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Seth
Yes.

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Stephanie
Usually it's my stomach. Like I will start bloating or things like that if I get really, really stressed.

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Roxanne
And Seth, what about you. Do you have you gotten to that point where you notice what like oh my gosh I'm stressed right now or is it just in your head still.

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Seth
No I think I think more so than I would probably admit. Like that I need help.

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Roxanne
Everybody does.

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Seth
Everybody know. Yeah. And I think it's something I've actually started to be more cognizant of in the last ten years, probably since I met this, this beautiful woman who, who has been who has been like a daily dose of therapy. Right? Yeah. For me, but but yeah, being aware of. Oh, you know what? I'm feeling really anxious right now.

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Seth
It's not just high level. You know what I'm thinking? It's it is deeper and emotional and. Oh, that's. I'm afraid about this because I've had this experience in my life, and I've. I've got this, like, underlying current of fear, you know, because. Well, I don't know, maybe. No, because of why, but. Oh, I've got this kind of dread that just kind of seems to stick around.

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Seth
And I don't know that I like it. Right?

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Roxanne
Right. It's uncomfortable. Right? It's not a comfortable feeling. And for a long time, kind of what you said, like you would think about it up in your head like, oh my gosh. And stress. And now you're making that connection that you actually feel something from that stress, not just you don't just know it in your head. You're feeling something.

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Roxanne
You're feeling it. You know, I don't know anything. So with parts, it's kind of like our parts are younger. This is where, through all the different ages that we are, we have these learning milestones. And so when we, let's just say when we're like an infant or toddler, that's when we're getting our nurturing. That's when we're knowing that we're safe.

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Roxanne
That's when certain things happen. So when we aren't, for example, and it doesn't even have to be anything big, it can be just that my mom let me cry all the time, or my mom put me in my room when I cried, and I was too. And I didn't know what to do with that. Okay, so it doesn't have to be like a big trauma.

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Roxanne
When things like that happen, a part of us is created to help us survive and cope. And so what happens is then we have a belief. So for example, when I was three, I think I was three, maybe a little bit less, I was stubborn, I was three, right. And my mom did put me in my room because I was, probably having a tantrum.

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Roxanne
She wrote it in my baby book. And this is why I know this, this part. But she she said, I put her in her room, and I told her that when she's happy, she can come out. So.

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Seth

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Roxanne
I'm three or so, right? 2 or 3. And I when I was working on that part, I could see myself in the room. Not the actual room, but I could just see this little person of me standing there looking around, going, I'm supposed to be happy. I can't go out until I'm happy, but I'm not happy, and I don't know how to do that.

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Roxanne
Nobody's teaching me how to do this. They just put me in here and said, be happy. So if I want to go back out with my parents where that feels safe, then I have to be happy. So with that, what I believed at that time was I cannot show my emotions. I cannot be sad, upset, whatever. I have to be happy if I want to be by my parents.

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Roxanne
So that was kind of the beginning of me not sharing, not sharing with them how I felt, not crying in front of them. Like literally feeling like I was alone to navigate this. So over the years we do that, somebody embarrasses us. We're drawing a picture and somebody laughs at us and we thought we were the best drawer, and now we are like embarrassed and we have this shame and we're like, I'm not the best drawer.

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Roxanne
I thought I was the best drawer. And now there's a part that's created again at that age. And she says, I will never let you feel like this again. So whereas you grow up, let's just say I want to do something performance something. At 22, she will pop up and be like, absolutely not. No way. My job is to keep you safe from being embarrassed.

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Roxanne
So that's the importance of doing our work, is that those younger versions of us, those parts that created some sort of believe, based on our experience, will continue to be triggered over and over and over till the day we die. If we don't go find them, sit with them, give them what they need, assure them so that they can be like okay, and then calm down so that they might be triggered over something, but not to the point where they take us like they take over.

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Roxanne
It paralyzes us. We, one of the statistics is that we make 95% of our decisions from our subconscious, and only 5% from our conscious. That means my seven year old self, who doesn't want to be embarrassed, is going to make my decisions for me at 52, if I do not help her.

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Seth
I've never had to put that way, but I've lived a lot of that about. Is this an oversimplification? Roxann, I feel like you just explained the entire movie Inside Out. For me.

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Roxanne
That's a that is it. Inside out, too is exactly what I do inside out, too. I mean, it's it's obviously the first one too, but the second one really brings it together. Did you guys see the second one?

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Seth
Oh yes okay anxiety I don't Oh right.

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Roxanne
Exactly that. And she starts driving. Do you remember at the end she's holding onto that handle and she's like right. She is not letting go. And all the other parts were like, what do we do? Right? That's exactly what happens. But when we heal those parts and sit with them, then we're all working together. It's not about healing them so they go away.

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Roxanne
They're a part of us. They've always been a part of us, and they actually don't hate us. It feels like it sometimes, but they actually love us and they're working overdrive, over time to, help us feel better. And that's what anxiety was doing in that movie, until she calmed down and she took her hands off that control bar, and then everybody could come around her and take her in and hug her, and everybody's there.

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Roxanne
Nervous system is now regulated.

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Seth
But we're a happy family instead of dysfunctional instead of dysfunctional parts, right? Yeah, I love that movie. I absolutely love both. One and two laughed our heads, laughed our heads off. Yes, it's so funny.

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Stephanie
And we're like, they need to make an adult one now.

00;19;33;21 - 00;20;11;26
Seth
Adult reset. Yeah, for sure. It's safe to say then that these and you helped. You know, I've been saying parts work for some time now, but you helped define for me that oh, these parts. Are parts of me that have been kind of brought into an influential place in my emotional control center because of situations. And, there's them there's the five year old self, you know, that had this experience.

00;20;11;26 - 00;20;25;04
Seth
And then there's the there's the I had this experience come back to me when I was in sixth grade. So I must be 12 in front of the entire, you know, and your sixth grader in elementary school, you're like, you're the big cat. You're big time.

00;20;25;05 - 00;20;27;03
Stephanie
Well, depends on who you are.

00;20;27;05 - 00;20;27;18
Seth
Okay.

00;20;27;21 - 00;20;32;06
Roxanne
Left was big time. So that's how you got me. Big time. Okay.

00;20;32;09 - 00;21;00;07
Seth
AU contraire. I want to hear your side of the story. I want to hear everybody's story. Let's share. No. No, you're supposed to be big time, all right? But at that point in my life, all these kids are starting to change. And I'm not starting a change. I was a super late bloomer, right? Like, we we could, we could for instead of instead of talking about six straight weeks, we could talk about 12th grade, because I was still probably in the same situation.

00;21;00;10 - 00;21;22;27
Seth
Right. You're supposed to be big. You know, big, big girl, big man on campus. But I remember sixth grade, you know, one of the shorter kids, definitely one of the shorter kids. And just always trying to keep up and and being in front of the entire the entire school for an assembly and with with with the band.

00;21;22;27 - 00;21;27;23
Seth
Because I played band and I played the coolest instrument in the band, which is, of course.

00;21;27;25 - 00;21;28;18
Stephanie
The saxophone.

00;21;28;18 - 00;21;57;22
Seth
The saxophone on like hello, like maybe drums, maybe drums is pretty cool too. But this axon phone was the coolest instrument. And I pushed my parents really to get the saxophone, and I had a solo in front of the entire student body. And I got up there and I practiced. I practiced, and I got up there and I just, like, I honked like, I tried to get this note out and honk and honk and honk.

00;21;57;22 - 00;22;22;22
Seth
And I just remember the incredible embarrassment, I actually got through it. I got to that next note and moved on. But as you were talking about parts, I had to say, you know, maybe that part of me, you know, totally embarrassed, in front of everybody on display and maybe didn't perform, you know, and didn't have anything to fall back on.

00;22;22;22 - 00;22;31;16
Seth
Like, I wasn't big, I wasn't tough, I wasn't strong, like, I, I felt totally vulnerable, you know? Yeah. So. Sure. Interesting.

00;22;31;18 - 00;22;48;01
Roxanne
Yeah. So those things like that, that come up like that, those are the things that are that stick with us when we've had these kind of moments that are kind of pivotal in our life, where all of a sudden your you can just recall it and maybe you even feel it. I don't know if you feel it at all like, oh my gosh, I remember that day.

00;22;48;01 - 00;22;56;08
Roxanne
That was so embarrassing. Does I don't know, does it affect you still today? Do you still feel a little embarrassed by that day or not really.

00;22;56;10 - 00;23;05;21
Seth
I think when I think about that, I can feel some of the emotions about. How embarrassing that was. Like I'm feeling it right now.

00;23;05;24 - 00;23;06;13
Roxanne
Yeah.

00;23;06;15 - 00;23;37;02
Seth
Yeah. And I've also had different experiences over the years that have been in different environments but similar outcomes. Ninth grade public speech class you know, not debate but just speech speech class total meltdown. As a ninth grader, right in front of the entire class wasn't the entire student body, but I was the youngest kid in class now and all the seniors there.

00;23;37;02 - 00;24;04;06
Seth
And I totally lost it in the speech. Like lost it. I had the I had to run out of the class in tears. Right. I can go to 21 years old, you know, single guy in front of an entire church full of strangers with the solo. So yeah, I know exactly what we're talking about right now. Yeah.

00;24;04;08 - 00;24;24;25
Roxanne
Yeah. Thank you for sharing all of that, because that will help people understand what we're talking about, because you're actually giving a real experience that you had and having that emotion and kind of showing that how how it started here in the fifth grade. And then it showed up again in ninth grade or ninth grade, and then again right when you were a young adult.

00;24;24;25 - 00;24;44;05
Roxanne
And that's that's just how it works. And so when we think about the youngest part of you, that experience, that where all of a sudden there's embarrassment, like, how am I honking on this? Like, this is supposed to be my thing. I'm supposed to shine at this. This is. And now I'm completely vulnerable and embarrassed. I'm exposed. Right?

00;24;44;05 - 00;25;05;17
Roxanne
It's stressful. And your body experience has all this emotion, and then it keeps showing up every time you're faced with something that makes you maybe feel more vulnerable like that. Or I could mess up. That part is going to show up and at least remind you whether it still takes over. Now, I don't know, I can you some people, they'll be like, I will never give.

00;25;05;20 - 00;25;33;25
Roxanne
Like say something in public again. I'll never be a public speaker based on something that happened to them when they were young. Some people can, but I don't know. Right. And so that's the importance though, is finding those things, those feelings in your body and, addressing them so that they don't have to pop up when you're wanting to do something, when you're wanting to perform or show off or do something cool, that voice is not going to tell you that we cannot do that.

00;25;34;00 - 00;25;35;29
Roxanne
You can't put me in that situation ever again.

00;25;36;05 - 00;26;09;02
Seth
Yeah. That's beautiful. Something you said that I absolutely loved. That was a really an for me. Said as you meet with women and you have these discussions and we explore these parts of us every single time, every single time you have this discussion and this exploration, you they get a win. Like we're talking about this 100% guarantee folks, right.

00;26;09;04 - 00;26;10;27
Seth
Yeah. That's powerful.

00;26;11;00 - 00;26;36;10
Roxanne
Our parts are amazing. When kind of like the idea to help people start understanding where their parts are coming from. So when they come to a session and we're working on them, they this is what I help them start realizing is that, all the voices in your head, like when, let's say you go on a car ride, you're driving and you're by yourself and you're thinking and you're trying to think how you're going to run your business or what I need to do in my family or my marriage or anything.

00;26;36;10 - 00;27;12;12
Roxanne
And we are talking with our self. We are actually talking to parts of us. Yeah. And so any time we have a thought or feeling like, oh yeah, no, I need to do this now or whatever, we, we start talking in parts. This is what I help people do. So like even with Stephanie, it's like, okay, I want you to say a part of me feels stressed about this, or a part of me feels fearful over this, or part of me is feeling overwhelmed so that you can start like in your mind, realizing it's not you talking to your current self now, trying to navigate stuff.

00;27;12;12 - 00;27;29;00
Roxanne
You're actually getting your advice from your parts. And when we realize that and after a session and you realize, oh my goodness, I was just talking to my two year old self when my clients today, we were talking to her two year old self. She's like, oh my gosh, I just realized she's two. I'm like, okay, so she's two.

00;27;29;08 - 00;27;57;19
Roxanne
So we need to go love her and bring her on our lap and tell her that she's going to be okay. Tell her that she's safe and then she is not going to pop up in the relationship that you're having right now in your 40s, right? It's like it's so powerful and so impactful. And so it's true. When I meet with these women and I'm not doing anything except guiding them to find their own parts, their own answers, I'm just ask them a question and they're asking themselves.

00;27;57;19 - 00;28;18;09
Roxanne
They're asking their body. They're asking the pain. Like, I'm stressed. It's in my stomach. Okay, so let's ask that pain in your stomach. How come it's there and the body will tell you, well, I'm stressed about this or I'm nervous about this or I'm fearful about this, and it tells you and then we work on it. So it is a win every single time.

00;28;18;11 - 00;28;37;07
Roxanne
And sometimes it's really sad and there's a lot of awareness. But when we find the part, even if it's a hard thing, there's still something about knowing. It's almost like truth, right? Reality kind of sets you free. That truth makes you feel better. It's like that. And then they just know where to go. They know what to do.

00;28;37;08 - 00;28;50;14
Roxanne
Okay, this is what I'm dealing with right now or this is that makes so much sense. And when we heal that little part, then they're more clear and they can go and like, take action from their conscious level self instead of that young version.

00;28;50;16 - 00;29;07;18
Stephanie
I love at the end of the sessions with you, I typically my, my little girl or my teenage girl is, you know, feels a lot lighter and happier and more joyful and typically is like skipping off or, you know, something to wear.

00;29;07;21 - 00;29;11;07
Seth
For you would probably be dancing off. Let's just be real.

00;29;11;09 - 00;29;20;25
Stephanie
Dancing us is a big one. But it's so cool to feel that you know and to know that little girl is happy now, and she's not as worried and she's feeling safe.

00;29;20;27 - 00;29;34;23
Roxanne
Yeah, that's what's cool about all of it, right? You don't have to carry it day in and day out and wonder why I still feel like that. Because we do tend to wake up with the anxieties or the stresses that are on our heart and mind, and we go to sleep with them, and then we wake up and sometimes it's just a lot.

00;29;34;28 - 00;29;50;03
Roxanne
So when we can start identifying who these parts are, kind of like in the movie, oh, I've got this part, this part, this part. Right. Everybody has a certain number. It doesn't matter if these are different, but when you start knowing you're like, oh, that part showing up today and it doesn't feel so huge. I feel so overwhelmed.

00;29;50;03 - 00;29;54;14
Roxanne
It's like, no, just there's a part of me that feels overwhelming. It feels pretty big right now.

00;29;54;16 - 00;30;13;24
Seth
Do you have women that find that as you work together, over time, they start recognizing on their own these parts and having these discussions kind of independent. Yeah.

00;30;13;27 - 00;30;33;24
Roxanne
That's the difference. I think we talk therapy. It's really continual and you can learn things obviously and grow. But I didn't really have my changes. My actual like life changes until I switched into going to a therapist that did more of the somatic type stuff with which I guess which is part's work falls into that category, because it has the changes in the body.

00;30;33;24 - 00;31;01;26
Roxanne
So yes, when I don't expect these people to work with me for their whole entire lives, I do want them to work on this for their whole entire lives because it's like anything, anything you nurture is going to stay healthy. It's going to stay like on the right trajectory. It's going to be like progressive. And our emotional wellness, should be just like our spiritual, physical, everything else.

00;31;02;02 - 00;31;16;22
Roxanne
And so it's a it's not like, oh my gosh, I have to be in therapy my whole life. No, but if you care about yourself and you want a relationship with yourself and you want to be healthy for yourself, then you will do this for your life. So I want to teach people how it takes a little while, right?

00;31;16;22 - 00;31;38;04
Roxanne
Like some things we can just do. Stephanie's probably to the point where she's like, I was sitting with my younger self, or I noticed this part come up and she can sit and tune into that part. Sometimes you just need help. Like, sometimes it's like I couldn't get myself to that deeper level, because it's, like, sometimes easier to help, someone else than it is yourself.

00;31;38;04 - 00;31;58;20
Roxanne
Sometimes because you can see it different, but when you're in it, it's a little harder. But absolutely, the whole point is to teach these people the tools, help them feel it, and to the point where they recognize any time it's happening. What's going on? Okay, I know I need to do my work. I need to go sit with myself and go see what is bothering me.

00;31;58;20 - 00;32;02;01
Roxanne
And absolutely, they can figure it out.

00;32;02;04 - 00;32;15;11
Stephanie
Speaking of, I've been like waiting for the perfect moment to talk about this, but I'm not going to go into detail. But, something that I have brought up several times in our sessions. I think I had a major breakthrough and I'm excited to meet with you again.

00;32;15;14 - 00;32;16;09
Seth
Oh, yay!

00;32;16;09 - 00;32;20;21
Roxanne
That's exciting, I love that. I love that so much. Yeah, you.

00;32;20;21 - 00;32;29;10
Seth
Say it now you're taking this whole 100% guarantee even further. Like you haven't even had the session and you're already having breakthroughs. This is good. This is good.

00;32;29;12 - 00;32;46;21
Roxanne
She's learned a lot. She's been really doing amazing. That's that's the cool part though. Like you said, it really is a win every single time. I love what I do so much and I love my clients so much. There isn't anybody that I do not love. It's so powerful to know that it's not me doing anything for them.

00;32;46;21 - 00;32;58;14
Roxanne
I'm just kind of the guiding person of it to help them. And it's just so great just to love all these parts. There's just this just a really good connection doing, doing what I do.

00;32;58;16 - 00;33;00;29
Seth
Beautiful for sure.

00;33;01;02 - 00;33;10;16
Stephanie
So, Roxann, what have been some of the most defining experiences in your life, and what experiences have defined your character or tested your capacity?

00;33;10;18 - 00;33;31;22
Roxanne
Well, a lot, right, because I'm this age now. Oh, man. Well, let me just this is this is kind of, a part of me and this part kind of like, I guess, is the beginning of how I kind of even got to where I am now. So let me start with that. I don't know that it's really answering your question, but I'm going to start with that.

00;33;31;24 - 00;33;53;01
Roxanne
And this is one I've talked about in my podcast before. But when I was five, I was on my way to kindergarten for the first day, and my mom was walking me across the crosswalk. We just lived right by the school, and at that time, I sucked my thumb and, my mom didn't want me to be sucking my thumb, but I did suck my thumb.

00;33;53;03 - 00;34;14;20
Roxanne
And as we're walking across the crosswalk, there was a little boy sitting against the school and he was sucking his thumb. And my mom said to me, do you see that little boy over there? You do not want to look like that little boy sucking your thumb. So in that moment, there's lots of things. Now, I know why my mom did that, and I'll.

00;34;14;20 - 00;34;35;09
Roxanne
I'll share that. She wasn't trying to be mean to me. She wasn't at all. But my little five year old self created a belief at that time. A belief that, oh, no, I was I became very hyper aware at that point that people might notice me or have a critical judgment with me. I didn't know that before.

00;34;35;09 - 00;34;53;29
Roxanne
You know, I was five. I was just skipping along. Right. I didn't even realize to be aware of other people and what they thought of me. And in that moment, a few things were created. One was that I am not okay the way I am, but this is not okay. And the other was that I need to be perfect.

00;34;54;01 - 00;35;17;02
Roxanne
And so that is what created this. I had a perfectionistic, belief for so long, like I would not put myself out there. I would show up as a young child just not authentic because of the fear of somebody thinking I was not enough or I was wrong or weird, and sucking my thumb was one of those things.

00;35;17;02 - 00;35;36;26
Roxanne
Now, now going back and doing my part to work on her, I was able to sit with her and see my mom's perspective, which was she knew how shy I was, and she knew I'd be embarrassed if somebody made fun of me. So she did it that way. She didn't know how to do it another way. And that was shaming, but not on purpose.

00;35;36;28 - 00;35;59;07
Roxanne
Anyway, so fast forward, right? And here I am, an adult. I get married and I get married to somebody who struggled with addiction. And I'm faced with this world of, I do not know how to navigate this. Like, what am I supposed to do? I was just had been married six months when all of it came out, and I did not expect any of that.

00;35;59;09 - 00;36;21;28
Roxanne
And so what happened was my belief was, okay, I can do that. All I need to do is I need to be cuter, smarter, sexier, nicer, greet them at the door, do all the things right so that he will think I'm great and he will choose me and not these other people. Well, obviously that is not how it works, right?

00;36;21;28 - 00;36;45;29
Roxanne
I can't make somebody do something. I don't have to be better than I already am. I'm already just fine the way I am. But that's what happened. So that was a very big deal. And I was only 22 at the time. So fast forward to now. Here we are doing what we do. It was so impactful when I was going through these things, I realized what it was.

00;36;45;29 - 00;37;07;00
Roxanne
Finally, it was like 17 years into marriage and I had a choice to make. I could either just pretend that this wasn't happening. I could just keep believing the lies, or I could start being like, no, this is not okay, and I'm going to do it different. I'm going to figure it out. And that's where I went to 12 step four Partners of Addicts.

00;37;07;00 - 00;37;24;22
Roxanne
That's where therapy started coming into play. That's where all of these things started showing up for me. And the difference was that I chose to take them. They would show they showed up years before that, but I was not at all ready for that. So it was like right on time. And the difference was that I took it.

00;37;24;25 - 00;37;51;17
Roxanne
And so because of that, I was able to learn and see and experience this and learn parts, work and learn breathwork and all these things that led me to where I am now, where I get to take something that literally, I thought I was going to die, I sold, I was going to die. I know Stephanie's read my book, but I thought I even told my husband at that time, I don't know if I'm going to wake up in the morning because I was so heartbroken.

00;37;51;17 - 00;38;12;00
Roxanne
I couldn't even believe it. But I did wake up and I was able to get through it. And now I get to help other people and it's not now. It started out helping people through betrayal trauma and infidelity, but it's turned into it doesn't matter what our parts are saying. Everybody has parts. It doesn't matter what you've been through.

00;38;12;03 - 00;38;22;26
Roxanne
It's all about healing the parts of us so that we can do what we need to do to thrive, to be live our passion and help other people.

00;38;22;28 - 00;38;35;17
Seth
I think every woman we know needs to book sessions with Roxann. Less is what I say it. And I'm going to be that first woman. Okay? I'm not the woman here, but I'm like, I want in on that. I want in on that.

00;38;35;17 - 00;38;44;14
Roxanne
I do work with men, I do, I just, I just promote to women. That's just my target, you know, audience who, who mostly follows me. But I do work with men.

00;38;44;14 - 00;38;47;26
Seth
So we get it. That's us too. Well, I mean, we we met.

00;38;47;29 - 00;39;04;17
Roxanne
My husband does it. My husband has been in therapy even before I met him. So I've been married now for five years. To this has been. And, he was doing therapy before I met him, like two years of it. And now he's. He's been doing it ever since we've been married. But he's started to work with his therapist.

00;39;04;20 - 00;39;10;28
Roxanne
It's been over a year now, and it's been amazing. He can't even believe it. It's just so awesome.

00;39;11;00 - 00;39;12;05
Stephanie
I'm excited.

00;39;12;07 - 00;39;13;18
Seth
We excited about.

00;39;13;20 - 00;39;19;01
Stephanie
Just to see the the healing and the breakthroughs that I know you're going to have.

00;39;19;03 - 00;39;47;00
Roxanne
It's empowering. My husband is like, oh, and Seth, if you want to talk to him about it, he is so open. He loves therapy so much and he loves part's work. It's it's just been everything to him. He's he's the best. So. But we all have problems, right? We all have heartache. We all have fear. We all have little children, little parts of us that hold us back from being everything we want to be or show up in a way we want to show up or just that's on our heart sometimes where we feel nervous or embarrass or less than.

00;39;47;00 - 00;40;02;19
Roxanne
Even though we're thriving. We all have it. Every single one. I work through my stuff all the time, I haven't. It's not like I've made it. I just now know my parts and I know when they're showing up. So then I can pause, take time, do the work I need to do just like I would spiritually, physically or anything else.

00;40;02;21 - 00;40;05;22
Roxanne
And then I'm back on my way, figuring out my stuff.

00;40;05;24 - 00;40;10;01
Seth
Yeah, you've got this smirk on your face right now.

00;40;10;03 - 00;40;14;21
Roxanne
I think she's happy that you like it. Like you're like, okay, this is cool. This is an awesome.

00;40;14;26 - 00;40;34;28
Stephanie
That's exactly what it is. I'm like, oh, this. You know, we talked about how this meeting was going to be so amazing and for guests and all kinds of stuff, and I think that it's actually going to be so good for you and for our marriage and for our family and, and just killing our family. There's so much on this.

00;40;34;28 - 00;40;35;29
Stephanie
I'm excited.

00;40;36;01 - 00;40;36;12
Seth
Yeah.

00;40;36;16 - 00;40;59;21
Roxanne
There. It really is cool. When a family heals together, it usually starts with one person doing something that like, shows the family system. There could be a different way or a new way. Maybe we've done it one way and we've tried, but now we're on to the next. And that, ability to like, stay in that humble place of like, oh my gosh, maybe my stuff is affecting people.

00;40;59;21 - 00;41;12;06
Roxanne
I'll tell you that. All of our stuff affects every single person that we come in contact with. So the healthier we are, the easier or the more. I don't know, our relationships will just be better.

00;41;12;13 - 00;41;24;17
Seth
So let me just let's just ask this question is the whole reason, well, obvious? Not the whole reason. But did you have like this motive? And that's why you like, like I, I know you don't work that way, babe. I know you don't read that.

00;41;24;20 - 00;41;44;12
Stephanie
Honestly, I didn't even think about how it could affect you, because I've just thought about how much that's helped me and all the different women that I've talked to. And I've talked to them about how I've been doing parts work and inner child work. So it didn't even dawn on me. But it is something which is actually not typical of me.

00;41;44;14 - 00;41;49;16
Stephanie
Like usually I'm like, oh yeah, Seth, you should check this out. But this time I didn't, you know, I've just.

00;41;49;19 - 00;41;49;27
Seth
I've.

00;41;49;28 - 00;41;55;14
Stephanie
Been doing it for myself and just sharing it with him. And so no, it was gotten scarred.

00;41;55;16 - 00;42;14;02
Roxanne
And it's kind of like, you know, we share things with each other and people because it's made an impact on us. And so we share. But the other person hearing it will only hear it like deeply when they're ready. So it's like my husband's been married to me all these years, and I'm doing this work. And we talk about and he's like, oh, that's so cool.

00;42;14;02 - 00;42;37;03
Roxanne
I'm like, listen to what just happened. And I'll tell him some. He doesn't know my clients are who they are. But some of the stories he might know, like just as far as breakthroughs, but he didn't want to necessarily do that. He was going to therapy and he was doing his thing. And then all of a sudden it was like he he himself came to a realization like, I'm still stuck on this one thing that I've been like talking to my therapist about now for like three years.

00;42;37;06 - 00;42;38;17
Seth
I'm like, you know.

00;42;38;17 - 00;42;39;04
Roxanne
Interesting.

00;42;39;11 - 00;42;40;03
Seth
I wonder.

00;42;40;06 - 00;42;43;27
Roxanne
I wonder what we can do about this, right? I wonder what I wonder, am I wonder.

00;42;43;29 - 00;42;44;04
Seth
If.

00;42;44;04 - 00;43;05;25
Roxanne
We could do something different, right. Anyway. But and he's like, I think maybe parts work might help me. And I'm like, I think it might. Maybe we should try anyway, right? But we're all like that. That's not just him, that's everybody. We have to come to that place of going. I think it's the right time for me because even in my situation, I can ask myself, I can say why they stay so long, right?

00;43;05;25 - 00;43;24;05
Roxanne
I was married for 21 years. I really want to work. Those parts of me wanted it to work so bad they were willing to almost die. Right. And so I it's not like I should have left sooner. I should have figured this out. I figured it out right on time, right when it was the next step. For me.

00;43;24;05 - 00;43;26;08
Roxanne
Everything is one step at a time.

00;43;26;10 - 00;43;27;06
Seth
Yeah.

00;43;27;08 - 00;43;33;24
Roxanne
You know, whatever you end up doing, set it really is just things hit us differently when. When we are ready.

00;43;33;24 - 00;43;38;25
Seth
I guess when the student is ready, the teacher appears. That's kind of how it works.

00;43;38;27 - 00;43;56;00
Roxanne
Things fall in line like that. They show up in front of us like the girl. Like the woman telling me, I think I'm supposed to tell you I have a therapist, right? That's happened to me all through the years going through this process. I think I'm supposed to tell you this or something will come into my view. I'm like, oh, okay, that was for me for sure.

00;43;56;02 - 00;44;17;24
Seth
Well, I think one of the beautiful things that we're, that I'm experiencing in this conversation is something you just said, like, how did I stay so long in a, in a toxic relationship? By the way, check out the latest episode to talk about, of, of the twos in podcast, because we're talking about toxic relationships and abusive relationships.

00;44;17;24 - 00;44;37;09
Seth
Right? I listen to that. Is beautiful, by the way. I had so many ahas and insights, I was like, wow. And then I came and talked to Stephanie about it. And now here we are. And this idea that maybe wants to surface for me is, why didn't I do this sooner? Like, what's wrong with me? Wait a second.

00;44;37;12 - 00;44;58;14
Seth
I'm coming to this at the perfect time. Like, like, how is it that that after nearly 16 years of marriage, I didn't realize that maybe there was toxicity there? Like I should have known better. Wait a second. Like, no, no, that's part of the journey. Like like there there is no reason to take shame along for the ride.

00;44;58;15 - 00;45;17;02
Seth
I may take it out of the backpack. Take it out of there. Take it out of the the handbag. You know, whether you're carrying a canvas bag or Louis Louis Vuitton or a grocery sack, right? Like you're where you are. And and that's okay. And that's beautiful. That's a beautiful thing.

00;45;17;04 - 00;45;35;08
Roxanne
So everything has to like what you've learned before this. What we've all learned before leads us to then being ready and open to the next thing. If somebody would have talked to me about parts work years ago, I'm like, wait a minute, what are you talking about? I have parts in my head. I have parts that like, no, like I'm not schizophrenic.

00;45;35;08 - 00;45;55;13
Roxanne
I am not like, this is where I think you are over the top. Almost like my language wedding. I don't think I could have understood it to where I would have thought it was for me. So everything is it really is right on time. It like, look at a baby right there laying on the ground, and then all of a sudden they're sitting and then they're crawling and then they're walking.

00;45;55;20 - 00;46;15;29
Roxanne
Right. We learned to tie our to the we learned to ride a bike like everything has to. One thing has to come before the next. And it's the same with any sort of healing modality, too. It's like there might be something new after this. I hope so, I love the changes, right? I started with talk therapy and I did in the and then now I did IFS, which is parts work and now I do it for a living.

00;46;16;01 - 00;46;20;28
Roxanne
So I'm always hopeful new things will come. And that's progression in life.

00;46;21;00 - 00;46;22;10
Seth
So yeah.

00;46;22;12 - 00;46;22;23
Roxanne
Great.

00;46;22;29 - 00;46;32;00
Seth
What about the remorse that you feel when you realize this and you're like, oh my goodness, I've just messed up my kids.

00;46;32;03 - 00;46;54;04
Roxanne
Yeah, right. I was listening to something the other day and she was talking about how she, she was like 30, I think, and she was talking about how she just started therapy and somebody was asking her, well, why, you know, what was going on with you that you to start therapy. And she said, this is going to sound crazy, but my mom actually did everything right.

00;46;54;06 - 00;47;12;04
Roxanne
She was literally the best mom in the entire world. She she couldn't have been any better. I love her so much. Like, she and I are, like, just the closest, like, the best model parent. I want to be just like her and all my parts are activated. Like I'm never going to be able to measure up. I'm never going to be as good as her.

00;47;12;04 - 00;47;33;07
Roxanne
I'm failing. So we all have parts, no matter what, and we are. It's not about whether we mess up our kids or not. It's more about the minute we change something, everything. It's just like there's a ripple effect. It doesn't matter how old, right? It's like my kids were teenagers when I started into all of this. And so there's been a lot of repair.

00;47;33;11 - 00;47;52;25
Roxanne
Hey, I didn't talk about I didn't do that right back then. Right. It's it's like, even if I am the actual perfect mom there ever was, my children are still going to have their experiences and their parts. They're still going to have friends at school that bully them. They're still going to be told that they're the worst, ugliest, whatever.

00;47;53;02 - 00;48;13;17
Roxanne
It's going to happen. So it doesn't matter. But what does matter is when we change something ourselves, we show them that first change is a good thing. We don't have to be prideful and be like, I'm never changing, right? We see that a lot. Like I'm not changing or she change and I'm like, well, I hope so because I don't want to be my 20 year old self for my whole life.

00;48;13;19 - 00;48;35;18
Roxanne
Right. So, it's not. Yes. There is. There's a little remorse, a little guilt sometimes when we know we did it wrong. But as we keep working on our parts, we have more of an easier time being humble about that to where we don't have so much, shame. Or like I am literally the worst. Like, I can't believe I did that.

00;48;35;18 - 00;48;56;04
Roxanne
And instead it's like I'm literally the worst. Okay, there's a part of me that literally feels the worst. Okay, now what am I going to do with that? Well, I'm going to go and address this with my child. Hey, I did not handle that right. I did not handle that right when you were four or I did not handle that right when you're 25, like it doesn't matter when and just that accountability.

00;48;56;06 - 00;49;15;15
Roxanne
It makes all the difference. It heals them in ways that we I mean, think about it. If our parents were to say, hey, you know what? I'm really sorry about my example. I'm really sorry that I didn't see you. I didn't help you, that you were on your own. If my parents would say something like that, that would be just awesome.

00;49;15;15 - 00;49;34;05
Roxanne
I mean, it would be like. It would be. So healing would change everything. So we will damage our children. We will do it wrong. And all we're supposed to do is recognize our parts, navigate them, heal them so that our children can see what that looks like. The more healing we do, the more they want to do it.

00;49;34;05 - 00;49;51;04
Roxanne
My son, who is, 22, he just started therapy. He's doing parts work, so it's like he didn't even think he needed it before. But he's like, you know, I'm not doing that great right now. I feel a little like, I don't know his success. He wants to be successful and he's feeling this weird stuff, like, what if I'm not right?

00;49;51;09 - 00;50;01;09
Roxanne
Little things. But he's taking action now early. He doesn't have to be 40 like me before he starts because I've shown him it's okay and there's no shame in it. And it's like just awesome.

00;50;01;12 - 00;50;02;15
Seth
That's awesome.

00;50;02;17 - 00;50;25;04
Stephanie
I've always loved therapy. I started, in my first marriage when I was, I think 19 or 20, 20 or so. Gray is when I started and I love talk therapy. And I had somebody I can't remember the discussion exactly, but she was just like, you're just talk therapy is not for everybody. Not everybody needs to do it.

00;50;25;07 - 00;50;49;18
Stephanie
And I'm like, well, actually, like if you look at talk therapy for what it really is, you know, it doesn't mean that you're saying I'm crazy or, you know, like, I have all these issues to me. I, I've always looked at it as somebody who has more experience or more knowledge, and they're there to support me and help share that with me so that I can improve.

00;50;49;20 - 00;51;12;04
Stephanie
That's all it is. And when I say that to some people, they're like, oh, I never thought of it that way. I'm like, well, you know, we go to friends kind of for the same thing, but they don't always have the experience or the knowledge that can help us. And that can be what, you know, a therapist or a life coach or, you know, all these different modalities of healing.

00;51;12;10 - 00;51;13;27
Stephanie
That's that's all it is.

00;51;14;00 - 00;51;40;00
Roxanne
It really is. It's it's going to somebody that like for a voice of reason to like, share and then hear a non like family and friends are so awesome, but their parts come into play also when we're talking to them. And so if you want to say something that's going on in your life, then all of a sudden your sisters or your parents or your neighbor, I mean, doesn't matter who all of a sudden their stuff is coming up.

00;51;40;05 - 00;51;58;24
Roxanne
Their parts are like, she should not know, you shouldn't do it this way. And, you know, I mean, people were so they were like, you can never leave your husband, you're going to ruin your kids. And then other people are like, how are you staying so long? Like, I mean, their their parts are showing up, right? The people that told me I should stay are people who have stayed in unhealthy relationships.

00;51;59;01 - 00;52;09;18
Roxanne
So if I leave, what does that do to their part? Their part is now going. She was strong enough to leave and I wasn't, and now I'm the worst, right? Remember all of our all connected.

00;52;09;20 - 00;52;17;12
Seth
We're all selected. Yeah. You move and you move one little string and it affects somebody else's little string.

00;52;17;14 - 00;52;40;03
Roxanne
Right? Exactly. And that's the importance if if everybody was acknowledging or aware of why they are feeling or saying what they're saying, right, then they if like they are aware of those parts, then it would just make such a difference because people would be like, oh wait, I'm saying that to you because I'm ashamed that I didn't leave, or I'm saying that to you because I wish I could do that.

00;52;40;03 - 00;52;45;00
Roxanne
And, you know, yeah, you should leave because I wish I could. It doesn't matter. But yeah, for sure.

00;52;45;00 - 00;52;59;06
Stephanie
And when you recognize, you know, this whole process, you can look at other people's behavior and realize that's not me, you know, that's them. And their part's coming up. You know, when they treat you a certain way or act a certain way.

00;52;59;08 - 00;53;00;12
Seth
Yeah. For sure.

00;53;00;18 - 00;53;24;00
Roxanne
So parents, family members, friends, just always remember to, don't take it to too serious. Like, hear it, listen, because that's how relationships are. But just remember that ultimately, like you said, it's it's you, right? Not don't put them on a pedestal that they for sure. No, it's better to have someone that's neutral helping you through those things.

00;53;24;02 - 00;53;25;28
Stephanie
Yes, definitely.

00;53;26;01 - 00;53;28;20
Seth
Love it. Absolutely love it.

00;53;28;22 - 00;53;36;12
Stephanie
So how do societal expectations and stereotypes affect women's mindsets, and what can be done to break free from them?

00;53;36;14 - 00;53;42;07
Roxanne
Yeah, I mean that's that that's a big one, right? And just yes, with all the recent things. Right too.

00;53;42;07 - 00;53;49;19
Seth
So let's talk about recent things. Let's get it. Let's, let's really light it up. I've been yeah I.

00;53;49;19 - 00;54;17;06
Roxanne
Don't know about talking about the reason things but but I will talk about society and societal norms and what's expected. You know, women for so long have been expected to stay quiet or to, to be the have the man be kind of the upper hand or make the final decisions. But women, women are incredible at not only nurturing, but our brains work so different.

00;54;17;06 - 00;54;36;21
Roxanne
And we we like to see things, at least for myself. And what I know about others is that we don't just see the one thing, oh, we have this one task. Oh, we're going to go on a trip, grab my one suitcase. No. We've got people and animals and cleaning up and navigating so many things. So we look at the world that way.

00;54;36;27 - 00;55;00;11
Roxanne
So we're we have our ability to see multiple things at once and how, okay, if I do this, then this will happen, then this, then this, then that. So we have this, this great view, almost like we can zoom out and see it as a whole, fairly easily the way our brain works. And so it's, it's too bad that that's kind of a societal norms is that women are not as capable.

00;55;00;13 - 00;55;22;25
Roxanne
But that's changing because we, we can't take it anymore because we have so much to get. And what's so cool about watching our young people, like my young adult and and those around them, people say stuff like, oh, you know, they're they're just all terrible and they're making terrible choices. And they and their marriage is so easily I'm like, it's not because they're not trying and they don't want to.

00;55;22;25 - 00;55;46;20
Roxanne
It's because they have boundaries. It's because they're like, we will not be doing it that way. We are not going to sit there and be in a relationship for 40 years. That's destructive because we have things to do and we have passions on purpose, and we want to change the world. Right. And so as far as like, I mean, I don't know what to tell you as far as what's harm the harmed women, I mean, everything, but they're waking.

00;55;46;24 - 00;55;49;14
Roxanne
Women are waking up and so are men. Honestly.

00;55;49;16 - 00;55;50;07
Seth

00;55;50;09 - 00;56;09;25
Roxanne
You know, set you or my husband there are men out there that are pro women. They're not against women, and they don't think that they're just for one purpose and one purpose only. They see the high value and the the more that continues to change, the more men have a voice that speak out and say, hold on. No, that's not okay.

00;56;09;25 - 00;56;26;25
Roxanne
And the more women just start healing the parts of them that are keeping them quiet. More women. Men do too. But a lot of women have a part that holds their voice back, will talk, and it's like they have a part right here on their throat that squeezing it when we go to talk about it. And I'm like, well, what?

00;56;26;25 - 00;56;53;10
Roxanne
What is happening? It's like that part is telling me that if I say something, I'm going to be in trouble, or if I say something, they're going to mock me or whatever. And so that is generational. It's been passed down. And we now with with nervous system healing and everything that's just on the rise with changing this, the mental wellness of people, the throat is, is getting healed honestly in whatever modality to do that.

00;56;53;12 - 00;57;01;29
Roxanne
And parts work is one of them. But that that changes everything. I don't know if that answered your question, but, you know, it's still worked out.

00;57;02;01 - 00;57;24;25
Stephanie
It was a great answer. And, healing the throat, I guess, if you will, is part of the breakthrough that I've had. Just having issues. You know, I've talked to you many times about commenting, even just in smaller groups, like if I'm one on one, I can have discussions and do great, but if it's a bigger group, it's like I'm feeling every even talking about it right now.

00;57;24;25 - 00;57;38;17
Stephanie
My hands are starting to sweat, like every sensation in my body starts going off and telling me, you can't say anything, you know? And then telling me, oh, it doesn't pertain or you know, it's anyways all these other things.

00;57;38;17 - 00;57;55;00
Roxanne
So yeah. And you're not the only one who has that. So and men do too. That was one that was on my husband's throat from before is his past. So he had it as well. So it's not just women but a lot of women have it. Okay. So it's in it is because if I say this, what is someone going to think of me, right?

00;57;55;00 - 00;58;12;23
Roxanne
I'm going to be embarrassed or they're going to be like, well, that wasn't relevant, right? And we want when we heal those, we can start feeling so relaxed like it's almost like if you imagined yourself just clenching everything up and you're like clenching, clenching, clenching your shoulders and your your hands and then and then you just. Okay, release it.

00;58;12;23 - 00;58;35;03
Roxanne
Right. You un grip your hands and you're like, just, you relax and you breathe. That relief is what it feels like when we start healing those parts of us that are keeping us so keyed up of doing it. The right way and trying to make sure we don't do it the wrong way. Like there's we are hyper vigilant in so many areas out of those types of fears.

00;58;35;05 - 00;58;55;27
Stephanie
Okay. And coming to the realization, like, I mean, it's only been a few days since I've made this realization and I'm just thinking, okay, so how does that pertain that person? And, and how I have felt? How does that pertain to me in when I'm in big groups? And then the biggest thing that I've told myself so far as well, that person's not there.

00;58;55;27 - 00;59;02;17
Stephanie
So it's okay. Like, you know, and even if they were there, it's still okay. Like anyways.

00;59;02;17 - 00;59;04;17
Seth
Yeah, that's what I've done so far.

00;59;04;19 - 00;59;34;04
Roxanne
But to add on to that, without getting personal, I'll talk in general of the throat. And I anybody who works on the throat is that it helps you be able to say the true things that you need to say. So whether it is to the actual person who's caused you harm, or a boundary that needs to be set with a spouse, children, family members, whoever it gives, you permission, you feel the permission and almost the empowerment to finally get to say what you need to say.

00;59;34;06 - 00;59;53;15
Roxanne
And it releases you of the fear of what if I do say it? What's going to happen? How will they respond? You almost you almost can you almost get to say it? And then however they respond, you're able to let them hold that themselves. You don't need to carry that where before every worry and fear is, if I say this, then they're going to do this and then they're going to be sad.

00;59;53;15 - 01;00;07;26
Roxanne
It's like we're not responsible if they're sad. And that's what you learn when you can release the fear around it, or when you figure out how old they are. Right. And then we know, like, wait, no, they're this they get to hold on to that whatever this causes for them.

01;00;07;29 - 01;00;19;21
Stephanie
So, Roxanna, have you ever had an experience that brought you to your knees and, you know, the thought crossed your mind. I can't do this.

01;00;19;23 - 01;00;21;05
Seth
Several times.

01;00;21;07 - 01;00;51;23
Roxanne
Several times. I'll tell you the big one, which is you held up my book and that's the first chapter of that book, because that was really a pivotal moment for me. My book is called Cutting Ties and it's called that for a reason. So when I was, when everything had come out, this would have been, 2014, everything had come out two years before that in my previous marriage, of the depth of what everything was.

01;00;51;23 - 01;01;12;27
Roxanne
And, in this sex addiction that my current, my husband at that time had and, he had gone to rehab, I had picked him up and, and the only reason I decided to give him any more time was because the therapist said, if you really want to change, he actually can, and he will never do that stuff again because addiction is one of those things.

01;01;12;27 - 01;01;18;05
Roxanne
It's not actually, it's not that the person is a terrible person, but the acts they they're doing.

01;01;18;09 - 01;01;18;21
Seth
Are.

01;01;18;27 - 01;01;36;11
Roxanne
And we can't have that. And so I couldn't stay if he was going to do that. But I really wanted to my, those parts of me that were like, I need it to be him. I need him to be with me forever. We're still at play. So I had told them, picked him up from rehab, that I would give him a year to, choose recovery.

01;01;36;11 - 01;01;57;05
Roxanne
And if he chose, then that would be great. And he didn't. I ended up divorced, but after I picked him up from rehab, there was some things he learned in the therapy sessions after the fact that we learned together that he was supposed to do so. If I was stressed or had a trigger or a trauma response, and I was nervous, he was supposed to act a certain way.

01;01;57;07 - 01;02;12;03
Roxanne
So one day I came to him and I was like, I'm just not doing well. I am panicking, I'm having this trigger trauma response, and I just need you to tell me something honest. And it didn't have to be about addiction, just anything. I didn't care. I'm like, I don't care what it is, just tell me something honest.

01;02;12;03 - 01;02;26;12
Roxanne
And he's like, no, I'm not. I'm like, oh, so it's like it panicked me more. And I was like, no, you don't understand. I'm literally spiraling. I need you to tell me something on just tell me. He's like, no, I'm not going to tell you something honest. And I, I screamed and I'm like, you tell the truth right now.

01;02;26;12 - 01;02;45;00
Roxanne
You tell me something right now. And he's like, I will never tell you the truth. I will never. Okay, can you feel some of that? It was like I was like, I, you know, your partner as opposed to when you are not doing well, be your regulator. Right. Like, oh, okay. My spouse is not okay. I think I need to do something right.

01;02;45;00 - 01;02;49;11
Roxanne
I need to listen. Anyway, he was not in that place at that moment. And so.

01;02;49;14 - 01;02;50;02
Seth
He.

01;02;50;02 - 01;03;13;09
Roxanne
He says that and I leave that area where he was at and I'm like, I go in my closet and I'm like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Like, I cannot do this. I'm yelling up to God. Like, I cannot do this. This is this is crazy. And I looked over and all of his neckties were lined up in a row over the bar, and they were all color coordinated, and they were even across.

01;03;13;09 - 01;03;34;26
Roxanne
And they I looked at them. I'm like, this is not true. Meaning my life is not perfect. It was like they were perfect. And I was like, this is a lie. My life is a lie. And I knew what I wanted to do and I wanted to cut them. So I grabbed my little scissors out of my bathroom and they were just the little two inch blades, you know, just the little ones for your bathroom or whatever.

01;03;34;26 - 01;03;54;21
Roxanne
And I grabbed them and I went in there, and I just started cutting and cutting and cutting and cutting and I didn't stop until I was all the way through the ties, like I just went across the whole row. But I dropped to the ground and I was yelling up to God like, I am so broken. Do you not see how broken I am?

01;03;54;21 - 01;04;04;16
Roxanne
How can you be asking me to do something like this? I literally felt insane, like I just needed to be done. Like I couldn't do this.

01;04;04;18 - 01;04;05;22
Seth
It was too.

01;04;05;24 - 01;04;27;20
Roxanne
Much. So I grabbed a bag. I left my house, I pulled over, I parked somewhere, and I opened up Facebook and I saw some quote. I can't remember it now. I think I have it in the book, but something about, I mean, I don't even know. But in my mind right now, it's something like, you know, are you going to let somebody choices dictate who you are or something like that?

01;04;27;22 - 01;04;58;09
Roxanne
And I just I just like kind of relaxed and I text him and I said, you may or may not need all new ties. And, he responded back with the I saw, I know, I'm sorry. It was totally my fault. So he he had come down from his stuff and, it was that was fine. It turned out fine, but I that was on the Saturday I cut those ties, and on Monday I was on the treadmill and I was like, okay, God, how how did I get to this place.

01;04;58;11 - 01;04;59;05
Seth
Where.

01;04;59;12 - 01;05;22;10
Roxanne
I was not acting the way I would normally act? And I was doing that based on what somebody else was doing. Like, I don't want to do that. I don't like that. I want to be able to be in control myself regardless of how crazy someone or something is. And as I'm on that, the treadmill, having this conversation I just heard in my head, what did I hear in my head?

01;05;22;12 - 01;05;40;03
Roxanne
I heard in my head that the this the story just started rolling through my mind and I'm like, am I writing a book? And he's like, yeah, you're going to write a book, and it's called Cutting Ties. You need to help women. You need help people to know that they're not alone, that they're not crazy, and that there's hope and healing ahead.

01;05;40;05 - 01;06;04;11
Roxanne
So if you look on that cover set that you've got or if anybody looks it up, it's called cutting ties. The front cover are those are the actual ties of the cover. And what's so cool about those is that not one of them was cut all the way through. There was just a notch. And this was not even like I went literally just cut, cut, cut, cut had no idea.

01;06;04;13 - 01;06;26;13
Roxanne
But isn't that just like, so true with the way we feel sometimes? Like we feel broken or torn, but we're not. We're not completely, like, unable to heal. Like it's not like it's all the way off. Right? We're we're going to make it. And I just thought it was very interesting that that would happen. And that there they are there on the cover of my book.

01;06;26;16 - 01;06;29;07
Roxanne
And it's super great.

01;06;29;09 - 01;06;33;24
Stephanie
I've always wondered if that was the actual one or if you had to stage it. Yeah.

01;06;33;27 - 01;06;36;16
Seth
Now I was wondering the same thing in my mind.

01;06;36;19 - 01;06;56;27
Roxanne
Those are the ties. I even was like when I had the picture taken of them, I was like, we have to find a closet that's brown that looks like this, that has shoes over here, like it just for whatever reason. When I saw the cover in my mind that day on the treadmill, it looked like what I saw in the so that it was really this is what I saw and I just needed to know.

01;06;56;27 - 01;06;59;16
Roxanne
I mean, I don't know, I just needed to portray that, I guess.

01;06;59;18 - 01;07;13;15
Stephanie
Yeah, my, my daughter or our daughter saw this book and she's like, mom, what is that book? I'm like, it's about cutting ties. She's like, oh, like how the ties are. I'm like, yeah, but it goes into more. We'll talk about it later. She's the level.

01;07;13;17 - 01;07;15;00
Seth
Oh yeah, of course.

01;07;15;02 - 01;07;16;14
Roxanne
Yeah, it's.

01;07;16;15 - 01;07;17;23
Stephanie
But I thought it was great.

01;07;17;25 - 01;07;25;07
Seth
I'm just I'm just going to make sure that there are absolutely no scissors in our bathroom. Haha. Haha.

01;07;25;09 - 01;07;31;12
Roxanne
She's learned enough. She's already been doing parts work. I hadn't started into that quite yet.

01;07;31;14 - 01;07;32;13
Seth
It's true.

01;07;32;16 - 01;07;33;17
Stephanie
I don't think I could.

01;07;33;19 - 01;07;43;11
Seth
Could do that. No, I'll focus on I'm not. I'm not being the guy that needs that needs that sort of intervention in my life.

01;07;43;13 - 01;07;47;11
Stephanie
Oh, I mean, you've already talked about doing parts work, so that'll help.

01;07;47;13 - 01;08;15;08
Seth
Yeah. You know, I, I really think that it's time for me to make that next step. You know, we, you know, you and I have done I mean, really from the time that we got married or soon thereafter, you know, we did some marriage counseling, which was awesome. You know, we try to navigate getting married after, you know, life after after after divorce and remarriage.

01;08;15;08 - 01;08;15;17
Seth
Right.

01;08;15;17 - 01;08;19;02
Stephanie
And well, and blending families.

01;08;19;07 - 01;08;22;00
Seth
Right. You

01;08;22;02 - 01;08;25;11
Stephanie
And all the parts that everybody brings.

01;08;25;14 - 01;08;50;05
Seth
But. Yeah. And I've got I feel like I've made so many strides, but I honestly feel like it's time for me to make some more discoveries to to to grow in a way that I haven't yet. And so here I am, and here is the teacher. Right? Like like parts work is here, you know, so I love it.

01;08;50;10 - 01;09;22;27
Roxanne
And I love the openness and the vulnerability to even say that. And it's kind of like sometimes we think it's scary to do the next thing or why do I even have to do the next thing? Like, I've already done this, like, why do I have to do this? But honestly, it's about leveling up. It's kind of like when we are one place too long, we kind of get stagnant or bored sometimes, or we lose our we just kind of lose that, ability or even the awareness to do more or better.

01;09;22;29 - 01;09;39;16
Roxanne
And so when we feel like what you're talking about, Seth, it really is like, ooh, this just makes me so excited for you. Because leveling up to the next level brings you to the next level. Like, think about it. Like, if you like, when you learn to drive, that is change your world. You can go anywhere you want, right?

01;09;39;16 - 01;09;59;15
Roxanne
So if someone was to tell you, well, you don't you. Now that you learn that now, just now, you don't get to anymore ever again, you would feel stuck. Right? And so it's like anything, every time we learn something, we're like, I wouldn't want to unlearn that. Even all the stuff I went through, even me cutting ties, it's like I would not change any of it because I wouldn't know what I know.

01;09;59;15 - 01;10;16;02
Roxanne
And I cannot give up what I know. And I know that there's still more that I don't know. And I'm excited at some point, whenever that shows up to be like, I get to learn something more and I want to level up to the next level, I just it's empowering to do that. So it's cool hearing you say that I'm excited.

01;10;16;10 - 01;10;48;10
Seth
And at the same time, and at the same time, I've had this feeling as we've been talking today. Wow, that sounds really vulnerable. Wow. I and I'm very open. I mean, I'm, I'm I'm a reasonably vulnerable person. I think, I can be transparent with people, but I think today our conversation for me has brought up these ideas that, wow, how do I feel about being willing to be very transparent?

01;10;48;13 - 01;11;27;02
Seth
The word that comes to me honestly is, is to be exposed. Yeah. Right. I'm like, oh, that's an interesting part of me. Well. I'm living with this. I'm living with this on a daily basis. And while it's, I'm awesome and I'm grateful for where I am and what I've learned, do I want to continue to live with any limitations that might be imposed because Mr. Expose Asia is at the control center, right.

01;11;27;04 - 01;11;38;04
Seth
Yeah. No I don't so yeah, I, even talking right now, my heart is just like, boo boo boo boo. I like, I can I can feel it there. Yeah. So.

01;11;38;06 - 01;11;58;03
Roxanne
You know, that is vulnerable. And it is there is a feeling of being exposed and the fact that your body feels it and that you can even feel your heart racing any time that happens and we feel all of that, it's our indicator that a part is trying to talk to us. And just just so, you know, our parts show up because they want to be heard.

01;11;58;06 - 01;12;18;16
Roxanne
And so even though that part is nervous about being exposed, it's still showing up. So it's almost like it's tired. They get exhausted trying to keep us from being exposed. And so then they start doing it's kind of like a three year old that is just on your leg, like, you know, mom, mom, dad, dad. And they don't stop until you're like, what?

01;12;18;16 - 01;12;40;11
Roxanne
What? What do you need right now? Our parts do the same. When they're ready, they make themselves known. And so you can have some sort of assurance in that, even though being exposed feels very scary, and especially for that part, that part is also saying I'm scared, but I'll. I'm still here. I mean, I'm making your heart race, so I still want help.

01;12;40;14 - 01;12;42;22
Roxanne
They're just a little bit nervous.

01;12;42;25 - 01;12;58;14
Stephanie
And that's what happens every single time I have a thought that I need to share and I don't. That is, my heart races like crazy. Yeah. Like crazy. So I'm excited to, Yeah. To heal that.

01;12;58;14 - 01;13;26;01
Seth
We're. Well, you I will say like it must be. Now is the time, you know, I mean, we've been publishing this, this show. We've been. I'll say that now, your voice. Right. We have we have combined our voices to a beautiful duet, and with, with lots of little soliloquies, you know, and and solos, in the last several years, but just kind of living in crescendo.

01;13;26;03 - 01;13;57;07
Seth
And I just have to tell you this, Roxana, because. Because this is awesome. Stephanie. Share this. This with me the other day, like yesterday or like today, talking about having a voice. Okay. So we had blood done a couple of months ago, and just because, hey, we're, well, I'm 50 and Steph's in her 40s, right? And, just one of those things to manage our health and and understand what's going on inside physically.

01;13;57;09 - 01;14;22;02
Seth
And I don't know, that was six months ago. And we met, a gentleman at the hospital who took our blood and had a great conversation with him and talk to you about the podcast, actually. And, you know, our podcast is for women and men, but, you know, and we we publish this, we target we we are putting our mindset to deliver a message for women.

01;14;22;05 - 01;14;42;18
Seth
And, he's like, well, I love podcasts. So he, he ends up getting on our VIP list, right. And, apparently he's been listening. So we hadn't seen him in six months. And Steph went in Instagram yesterday and he was there. And do you want tell the story or you want me to finish or okay, you're doing great.

01;14;42;21 - 01;15;12;11
Seth
So he was there not just directly helping Stephanie but in the same in the same lab. And another woman was was doing Stephanie's bloodwork and he said something like to the other, to the other, phlebotomist. He said, well, you know who you're working with, right? And she's like, no, she's like, you're working with one of the with one of the preeminent podcasters in the world.

01;15;12;11 - 01;15;13;04
Seth
What did he say?

01;15;13;11 - 01;15;14;19
Stephanie
I don't remember.

01;15;14;21 - 01;15;15;18
Seth
You like, I.

01;15;15;18 - 01;15;16;06
Roxanne
Love that.

01;15;16;08 - 01;15;27;27
Seth
You're you're working with one of the biggest, most successful podcasters. And I was like, really? Oh, yeah. She produces a podcast, a show. It's really good.

01;15;27;29 - 01;15;29;15
Roxanne
Well, I love that. That's so.

01;15;29;15 - 01;15;43;25
Stephanie
Great. Left. He was like, you got to talk to her about it. You got to get information. And I was like, oh, okay. Like I was so surprised by it, I love it. Do you remember me? Oh, he's like, I draw your blood. I'm like, yes, I remember you.

01;15;43;27 - 01;15;44;17
Seth
Yeah.

01;15;44;19 - 01;15;51;26
Roxanne
You're like, I. You been here last time? Yeah. That's so awesome I love that. What cool validation of the work that you're doing, you know.

01;15;51;29 - 01;16;17;20
Stephanie
Right. It really was it was, it was actually pretty big for me. I wasn't expecting it. And I was very surprised at, you know, even the words that he used and that he's like, yeah, I've listened to several, you know, I'm like, oh, okay. So it's not just for women. Now I have to say that, you know, whenever I tell people about podcasts with we do it for women, but there are some men that that listen to and they, you know, of course, from.

01;16;17;22 - 01;16;46;05
Seth
Like on smart men who know men, you know. Yeah. It's interesting and I know this is like a really personal aside, but it just had this thought staff that I mean, you're doing an amazing work here on the show. Like we're reaching women all around the world. We're traveling around producing this show. And your voice. Is very apparent and clear at the same time.

01;16;46;07 - 01;17;09;26
Seth
You're driving people. You're inviting people to the show because everywhere we go, you have conversations with people and you're always very confident and direct and saying, oh, do you listen to podcasts? We have a show, right? And you'll come home. She'll come home and say, oh, is it the dentist office? And here are three women who want to listen to the show.

01;17;09;26 - 01;17;45;19
Seth
And I gave them the show, right. And they're all excited. They're all excited. It's not like you're out pushing something on somebody. So I don't know. And again, this is just real super like personal experience of our own. But interestingly enough, that show that little string in our life is affecting somebody else's string. And, one of the things I love about this show, honestly, because I'm on the producing side with you, is just watching your voice, like, be propagated and shared, like, I think you're amazing.

01;17;45;19 - 01;17;58;17
Seth
I want everybody else to know you're amazing. And apparently he does because you know who you're sitting with, right? Like, this is one of the most amazing, prolific podcasters. Anyway, I thought it was a cute little aside.

01;17;58;17 - 01;18;16;23
Roxanne
It is and and relevant to what we're talking about, about the voice and just even that gain that confidence, right? Like when you start something new you've never done before, it is very scary. The first time I heard that inspiration that says you're starting a podcast, it's called Shoes In. I'm like, I've never even I never even listen to podcast.

01;18;16;23 - 01;18;31;11
Roxanne
When are you talking about like, what is happening? You know, and this is 2020. And I'm like, I don't listen to them. And it's like, well, I mean learn, I guess. Anyway, it was scary and I cried a whole bunch and I would try to do it, and then I would flop on the bed and cry again and then get up and do it again.

01;18;31;11 - 01;18;51;19
Roxanne
Right. And it it really is about gaining this strength in our voice and the confidence to back it up that, yeah, you do have something to say. And Stephanie, you do you do have people to help. You do have a voice that needs to be heard, and you're doing it and you're gaining the confidence every single time for sure.

01;18;51;21 - 01;18;53;18
Roxanne
Like anybody else. Yeah. It's awesome.

01;18;53;19 - 01;19;12;03
Stephanie
Thank you so much for your validation. It means a lot to me. I do, I feel I mean, I was even sharing with, friends the other day, just that, you know, like we were talking about when your heart is racing and you're like, oh, I'm not good enough, or what do I have to offer? Or, you know, all these things.

01;19;12;06 - 01;19;22;28
Stephanie
And, I'm like, yeah, that's what I experienced. You know, when, when Seth came to me and said, hey, we need to do a podcast. I feel like God's talking to me. And he's saying, we need to do a podcast. And I'm like, wait.

01;19;23;00 - 01;19;24;03
Seth
Me?

01;19;24;05 - 01;19;47;04
Stephanie
Like, I don't know about that, you know? Yeah. And I joke about it all the time, you know? God, God knew he needed to work through stuff to get me to do this. And that's why it's for women. But it's a man and a woman doing it. But I'm just talking to her about how, you know, if if you're afraid of it and your heart's racing, that's when you know you need to do it.

01;19;47;07 - 01;20;05;04
Stephanie
And just just do it. Just dive in, you know? And that's where the growth comes. And I feel like that's where the growth has come for me. And this is and helping, you know, my voice be heard and feeling like I have I mean, I've always felt like I had a lot to give, but I didn't know how to give it.

01;20;05;06 - 01;20;24;25
Stephanie
And I knew that this was, a way to do it. That would be really, really scary for me. And I didn't know if I could do it, to be honest. But I had my husband's support and confidence in me. And the more I do it, the more comfortable I get with it. And I feel like it gives me a voice here and in other places too.

01;20;24;28 - 01;20;45;04
Roxanne
Yeah, I know, I remember when I met you in 2020 and, even then when I first met you, you told me then that you knew you had things to do, that you were supposed to be helping other people or changing the world in some way. I don't remember your words exactly, but that's the I remember I remember standing in that kitchen.

01;20;45;04 - 01;20;51;14
Roxanne
I remember talking to you about that. And I was like, yeah, you totally are. You are going to definitely be doing something like this.

01;20;51;16 - 01;20;52;23
Seth
Thank you.

01;20;52;26 - 01;20;54;29
Stephanie
I forgot about that.

01;20;55;01 - 01;21;03;05
Seth
What a this is a message to all of the women who are listening to the show today. Go start your podcast. Whatever it is for.

01;21;03;08 - 01;21;09;05
Stephanie
Your podcast, your book or whatever is making your heart race right. Lean and do.

01;21;09;05 - 01;21;14;25
Roxanne
The parts work around the heart racing and you will be able to get there sooner.

01;21;14;28 - 01;21;17;09
Seth
Very true. Thank you.

01;21;17;11 - 01;21;18;03
Stephanie
Thank you so much.

01;21;18;06 - 01;21;20;25
Roxanne
You're welcome. I'm glad that I was on with you guys.

01;21;20;27 - 01;21;26;23
Stephanie
Yeah, it's been wonderful. And I'm. I'm excited to see what you know. All of our future is holds.

01;21;26;25 - 01;21;28;05
Seth
Yeah. For sure.

01;21;28;08 - 01;21;33;00
Stephanie
I don't know if you guys noticed, but it actually made me tear up two different times just thinking.

01;21;33;02 - 01;21;35;03
Seth
You know, just.

01;21;35;05 - 01;21;59;03
Stephanie
How how I don't I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just all these beautiful feelings of, you know, the gift that it's been for me and how it's helped me heal and to learn and grow and help others. You know, it's just been so much, it's such a beautiful, beautiful thing. And so just thinking about, you know, how it can bless our lives, both of our lives and our marriage and and then our family and everything.

01;21;59;03 - 01;22;03;02
Stephanie
It just made me very emotional and such a, appreciative.

01;22;03;02 - 01;22;05;13
Seth
Way. So I love.

01;22;05;13 - 01;22;33;15
Roxanne
That. And in our meeting, Stephanie, like you think about back to 2020 and then, Seth, when you were talking about interesting the timing and how this particular day was the day we could record right. It all, like I had to meet you first back then. Right. And we've had to have these years of contact here and there, and then the movie had to come out for you to watch it, Seth, so that you even had the idea of these different parts as an emotion to then even be able to connect to what I'm saying.

01;22;33;16 - 01;22;47;02
Roxanne
It's like all of the timing matters, and that's why we we can't say I should have sooner or whatever. It's not. It's just not how it works. It all just comes together when it needs to come together.

01;22;47;04 - 01;22;55;07
Stephanie
I can't remember the the quote, but something about, you know, God is never late. He's always on time and is.

01;22;55;13 - 01;22;56;13
Roxanne
Always right on time.

01;22;56;16 - 01;23;16;26
Stephanie
Just trusting that, you know, not. I've learned that, you know, trying to force things, you know, like we're with Africa, you know, the nonprofit organization and drilling wells. They're in an orphanage. And they keep trying to push and make sure that we go. And it just hasn't panned out. And I finally have to just so it doesn't stress me out, number one.

01;23;16;28 - 01;23;41;12
Stephanie
And number two, just trusting that when we're supposed to go, when it's going to be good for our family and good for those over there, but it's going to happen because the writing is always perfect. And if it's meant to be it, it not to say that it won't be hard or will be effortless, but I've noticed that when I need to push and push and push and push and push, you know that it's just probably not the right time.

01;23;41;15 - 01;24;06;23
Seth
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, Roxane, you work with with women in one on one coaching, right. And they can they can find you, you know, at your, at your site, which will have in all the details of the show. But I did have a question actually midstream and I forgot to ask this. What you also work. You work with women in high level group situations.

01;24;06;23 - 01;24;10;24
Seth
What what does that look like? Yeah.

01;24;10;26 - 01;24;38;16
Roxanne
That is for somebody who wants to kind of go all in, like maybe, maybe it's personal, maybe it's career. It is, more time, more money. It is a really deep dive. Like, I'm going to come away from this big program with these life changing skills that I can use for the rest of my life. So some people just want to tip, like dip their toe into the water.

01;24;38;16 - 01;24;54;26
Roxanne
Some people just, financially even can, can just do this amount and that's all that they want to commit to right now. So that's the things that they do and that feels good to them. Some people want to work with me all the time. Some people want to work with me every few weeks or once a month. Everybody's at a different place on what they want.

01;24;54;29 - 01;25;09;23
Roxanne
And so the high level is people who are career focused. They want to live their dreams and their passion and their parts are in the way, kind of like high, thriving people who like that, that high function, if that makes sense.

01;25;09;25 - 01;25;10;26
Seth
Yeah.

01;25;10;29 - 01;25;31;15
Roxanne
Like that and obviously anybody's welcome. But that's, that's generally who it's geared towards. People who want to do that regardless of the cost. Kind of like even if they if they can't afford it, they figure it out. I mean, that's been my experience in my life. Programs will come and I'm like, I do not have $15,000, but I feel called to it.

01;25;31;15 - 01;25;48;27
Roxanne
And so I'm like, well, I'm going to have to figure it out then because I feel like I'm supposed to. And so the ones that I've done, like I figured it out and it's pretty crazy because it doesn't seem doable, but anything is doable if our heart wants it and if we really feel drawn to it. So that's that's kind of what that is.

01;25;49;00 - 01;26;10;14
Seth
There's something to the mindset of, I'm going to make this investment because I know or I believe I know where it's going to take me, which is so powerful, right? And so growth oriented and creative oriented, as opposed to a what is this going to cost me kind of mentality. Right.

01;26;10;16 - 01;26;33;06
Roxanne
So that's a part though. We all have money wounds, we all have parts that that are geared towards the financial part. So even healing that part helps us to be able to take those, those risks, even career wise or in investing in ourselves, to even be able to do that for sure. But the investment, obviously, when we invest in ourself, we actually get more out of it than when we get something for free.

01;26;33;09 - 01;26;45;08
Roxanne
So it's it's an important thing to not, you know, give too much for free because we could all day long, but it just doesn't absorb the same unless somebody is invested.

01;26;45;10 - 01;26;46;04
Seth
Absolutely.

01;26;46;05 - 01;27;00;23
Stephanie
Well, and it's an exchange. I was just talking to that same friend the other day. It's an exchange of value, you know, whether it's monetary or, anything, even a conversation, it can be an exchange of value. Yeah.

01;27;00;25 - 01;27;28;13
Seth
For sure. Well, I have this vision in my mind. This vision in my mind. For, women. It's a women's conference. A women's conference all about self-care and empowerment. We've been talking about it. Thousand women in the room. Also, the rock singer. As we do some parts. Where could could we could, like, could we do some good work in a large group setting?

01;27;28;15 - 01;27;29;21
Seth
Rocks can.

01;27;29;23 - 01;27;50;10
Roxanne
Yeah we can. I've done it. I've done it before. I haven't done parts work in front of. I have spoken in front of 10,000 people before. So I know how to speak in groups. But I have done parts work with bigger groups. A thousand never done that. But that doesn't mean it can't happen because it's the same concept of taking a part that we just guide them with the set.

01;27;50;12 - 01;28;01;17
Roxanne
Like, I don't know if I explain it, I don't think. But you're guiding the person to find what they need to find. So it doesn't matter what I say, they're going to find what they need to find.

01;28;01;20 - 01;28;02;15
Seth

01;28;02;18 - 01;28;29;07
Roxanne
Yeah. So for sure, for sure. And even more than that, teaching them the skills of what to do. Like when you were talking about your heart racing because you were talking about your exposed person, teaching them the tools of what to do in the moment when they don't know what to do. Different, different, ways of putting those in containers to, like, get the stress out of their body and over somewhere else so they can look at it, different things like that.

01;28;29;07 - 01;28;31;11
Roxanne
There's lots of tools to do in a group setting.

01;28;31;14 - 01;28;32;03
Seth

01;28;32;05 - 01;28;33;12
Roxanne
And yeah, for sure, I love it.

01;28;33;12 - 01;28;45;08
Stephanie
I haven't really talked anything about breathwork, but Roxann is incredible at breathwork. Yeah, I've had sessions with her at summer retreats and they're powerful.

01;28;45;11 - 01;28;46;18
Seth
So yeah.

01;28;46;20 - 01;28;57;05
Roxanne
And that can be done in groups to a thousand. Might be a lot, unless they can all lay down somewhere. But we can. Do we can do meditations in that way to have everybody sitting in their seat too.

01;28;57;08 - 01;29;02;23
Seth
Awesome. Roxann, thank you so much. I'm so appreciative. Yeah. Yeah it's been.

01;29;02;23 - 01;29;09;12
Roxanne
Beautiful. Thanks guys. Thanks for having me. It was really fun to be here. And we talked about some some really deep important things.

01;29;09;17 - 01;29;12;08
Seth
Thank you. Your your beautiful soul Roxann.

01;29;12;08 - 01;29;13;21
Roxanne
And thank you.

01;29;13;23 - 01;29;21;20
Seth
To excited to get to know you. I know that Steph's known you for years and thinks the world of you, but this is true. I'm glad that I was finally admitted to the club.

01;29;21;22 - 01;29;27;00
Roxanne
Yeah, yeah, well, it was nice meeting you, Seth, and thanks for having me on you guys.

01;29;27;02 - 01;29;30;28
Seth
And cut. It's a wrap.

01;29;31;00 - 01;29;46;02
Stephanie
Thank you so much for being here today. And thank you for sharing this episode with that one friend who needs this conversation. Thank you for all the ratings, the reviews, the comments, and especially the support. We so appreciate you.

01;29;46;04 - 01;30;00;05
Seth
Now, if you want to take a peek behind the curtain and be the first to know about special previews or backstage updates here at the show, and especially some private collection content that doesn't come out in the regular show.

01;30;00;08 - 01;30;05;04
Stephanie
Be sure to join our VIP community at the Forever Young Shokan.