Ep.25 – Sex is the Thing That Hurt Me the Most: Breaking Cycles of Sexual – Interview with Ashlynn

Podcast Date:

2024-08-21
Interview With:
Ashlynn Allen

Ashlynn Allen runs multiple businesses while momming 2 teen girls & dating after divorce. She co-hosted the top 10 podcast, The Betrayed, The Addicted & The Expert & now shares on her own podcast, This Is Ashlynn.

She coaches women online to thrive no matter their circumstances. She also hosts retreats internationally & locally in Utah.

She shares her real world example of what’s possible after trauma & how to live boldly with compassion & forgiveness all while being boundaried & free from the past. She is an advocate for women who want to live a life full of adventure & freedom.

Join her on her podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this...

Follow her on social media at https://www.instagram.com/mamabear.fitness/

Mentor with her at https://www.thisisashlynn.com/

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The Show Video & Transcript

00;00;05;10 - 00;00;06;23
Stephanie
Hi, I'm Stephanie.

00;00;06;26 - 00;00;17;16
Seth
I'm Seth, and this is the Forever Young show. The most powerful force in this world is a woman who knows who she is, why? She is here, and what she wants to accomplish.

00;00;17;16 - 00;00;24;04
Stephanie
And that's where self-care comes in. As a woman, it is my opportunity and my responsibility to take care of me.

00;00;24;10 - 00;00;25;28
Seth
Self-care for your mind.

00;00;26;05 - 00;00;27;15
Stephanie
Self-care for your body.

00;00;27;22 - 00;00;29;02
Seth
Self-care for your money.

00;00;29;08 - 00;00;37;19
Stephanie
Our mission is to serve women as they fulfill their irreplaceable roles and families. Society. Business. The fabric of humanity.

00;00;37;21 - 00;00;41;09
Seth
So let's get this show on the road.

00;00;41;11 - 00;00;44;11
Stephanie
I just want to say, do you know what a chicken list is?

00;00;44;14 - 00;00;45;07
Ashlynn
No.

00;00;45;09 - 00;00;49;09
Stephanie
So, like, somebody that you're like, oh, should I reach out to them or not? I don't know.

00;00;49;11 - 00;00;49;19
Seth
Like a.

00;00;49;20 - 00;00;50;10
Ashlynn
Scandalous.

00;00;50;10 - 00;00;51;02
Stephanie
Chicken abada.

00;00;51;03 - 00;00;52;20
Ashlynn
Okay. Yeah, I have a list.

00;00;52;20 - 00;00;56;18
Stephanie
You're totally on my list. So I'm, like, patting my back that.

00;00;56;18 - 00;00;57;19
Ashlynn
A good.

00;00;57;19 - 00;01;01;22
Stephanie
Dog did it. And I'm even more grateful that you said yes.

00;01;01;25 - 00;01;09;26
Ashlynn
I. You know what? I like doing this and see I get to meet new people. Yeah. So, so close. I'm not scary either.

00;01;09;29 - 00;01;15;26
Stephanie
It's true. You're not. You're not scary. It's just, you know, my trauma and insecurities that I'm working through, that's all.

00;01;15;27 - 00;01;16;13
Ashlynn
Aren't we all?

00;01;16;17 - 00;01;21;24
Seth
And working through them very well. By the way, I was saying, like, as your number one, we.

00;01;21;24 - 00;01;24;03
Ashlynn
All need the supportive partner.

00;01;24;05 - 00;01;26;12
Stephanie
It's true. That's true.

00;01;26;15 - 00;01;31;08
Ashlynn
I mean, we don't need it, but it's so great.

00;01;31;10 - 00;01;35;19
Ashlynn
Yeah. Some people are single by choice. Come on, we have to.

00;01;35;21 - 00;01;53;03
Seth
Yeah, I was I was just going to say, you know, not not to banter about, you know, to get, so honed in on word semantics, not to be, you know, it's not just semantics, but you're right. Like something I learned through going through divorce. Definitely have both been through divorce. We didn't divorce each other.

00;01;53;06 - 00;01;53;14
Ashlynn
Okay.

00;01;53;15 - 00;02;18;20
Seth
But, you know, we found each other, after after a previous life. One thing that I did find was. Oh, yeah, just like you said. Like, I don't want to say I don't need anybody because we all, we all are interdependent. But at the same time, it's practically impossible to have a healthy relationship. If with somebody else. If you're not healthy yourself.

00;02;18;23 - 00;02;31;28
Seth
Right. So like what you're saying, you know, you don't need somebody. But at the same time, what I, what I found out is, yeah, I didn't need anybody. Dang. I'm good. Dang. I'm good. You know, I, you know.

00;02;32;00 - 00;02;38;11
Ashlynn
And then you meet Stephanie in the mirror, work starts and you realize you need her.

00;02;38;13 - 00;02;44;23
Seth
It is in order to go to a level that I couldn't by myself.

00;02;44;29 - 00;03;17;14
Ashlynn
Absolutely. Yes. Yeah. So how do we find that for people who don't get divorced? Because I've seen very few couples navigate that where they shift and it works and it's beautiful. And I want it for everyone without having to go through the divorce of, like, I, I can do this and figure out myself and wow, what a beautiful thing it is to mirror to my partner and find this healing that, like you said, like I thought I had self-love.

00;03;17;14 - 00;03;31;08
Ashlynn
And then all of a sudden I had so many parts of myself I was not loving and it showed up because of my partnership. Yeah. Like all the work I had done before didn't even touch it. Crazy. Yeah it.

00;03;31;11 - 00;03;52;29
Seth
Was. That brings up a question like like I've actually thought about this and nobody's ever brought it up. Thank you Ashlyn. like I've thought about this having gone through divorce and, you know, feeling like your knees. Your. You're my feeling like I was decapitated. No, not my head, but but that my legs.

00;03;53;01 - 00;03;54;16
Ashlynn
Yeah. Yeah, literally.

00;03;54;17 - 00;03;57;21
Seth
Listen, if you were there, it was.

00;03;57;24 - 00;04;10;24
Ashlynn
Yeah. So I just think to my friend yesterday, like, I still can't believe you were with me through that, like, oh, my God, it was. I was so much during that. We're never too much. But I think I was during that time.

00;04;10;27 - 00;04;38;02
Seth
Well, the thing about, you know, feeling like I was chopped off, you know, below the knees, right? Speaking metaphorically. Obviously. and and really was forced is not the word but forced through situation. Right. Because so many, so many people, so many of us are forced to do something. We're put in the situation, but then we never change, right?

00;04;38;05 - 00;05;03;18
Seth
the situation requires something of us, and so. Wow. Wow. Seth. Seth. Molder. Right? Like. Like I realized, you know, that. Wow. God wasn't wanting me to be in this little tiny box, but, there wasn't a box, right? So step out and be you. And when I was me, I'm going to tell you, Ashlyn, like I said, like, dang, man, I'm, I'm I'm loving being me.

00;05;03;18 - 00;05;03;28
Seth
This is.

00;05;03;28 - 00;05;06;17
Ashlynn
So where have you been all this time? Right.

00;05;06;19 - 00;05;30;27
Seth
Tell me about it. Tell me about it. Just a shadow, just parts and glimpses and, And it shifted in change, right? Like I was me and I wasn't me. But I thought about that, like what is required? Like, if I had married young, you know, or I. You initially got married at 19, right? Oh, 18, I was 18.

00;05;30;27 - 00;05;33;00
Seth
You were 82 weeks before your 92.

00;05;33;00 - 00;05;34;01
Ashlynn
Weeks before 23.

00;05;34;02 - 00;05;34;16
Seth
90.

00;05;34;23 - 00;05;37;04
Stephanie
When people ask, I usually say to young.

00;05;37;06 - 00;05;38;06
Ashlynn
Yeah, you need to know.

00;05;38;06 - 00;05;38;28
Stephanie
It was too young.

00;05;39;04 - 00;06;10;18
Seth
So, you know, I was I was 22 when I got married the first time. And I just think I look at the marriage and the relationship that we have now because of what we've gone through. Together with someone else and together really bad with somebody else. And then together with me. Like me, with me. Right. That first night I told I can't remember like when we, we're first dating I said just, you know, just I'm going to lay it on you, Steph.

00;06;10;18 - 00;06;35;13
Seth
I'm triple her. I'm triple her. It's me, plus me, plus me. Which, of course, that's not even a thing, but I just thought I'd let her know. Be. I warn you that. That you know I'm beyond bipolar, right? There's an extra me anyway. What? How would we do it? Like, how do you do it? Because I've never been there, and it never worked out for me, right?

00;06;35;13 - 00;07;03;19
Seth
We never were. We weren't able to. We weren't able to get over that hump. And of course, divorce isn't the answer for everybody, right? Like that's not. Oh, well, let me tell you, folks, if you want to fight you because we look at re marriages and guess what. Like there most most are no better off. Yeah. I should say that we have so many of the same problems coming that we drag into it, that we drag through it, and then then and then we drag out of it.

00;07;03;22 - 00;07;05;11
Seth
So you posed.

00;07;05;11 - 00;07;30;20
Ashlynn
A real drag out of it? Oh, yeah. So what I'm saying I do. Yeah, we're tracking it along and meeting new partners and and it's no wonder, you know, there's some people who are not afraid to remarry and some people who are. I'm one of them who is afraid. And so we are currently taking really small baby steps month by month to prepare ourselves for something we're both afraid of.

00;07;30;22 - 00;07;44;02
Stephanie
Yeah. I think even even when Seth and I were dating, we took turns. I felt like maybe it wasn't necessarily at the same time. Very often. But we took turns where one of us would kind of back up a little bit, mostly.

00;07;44;06 - 00;07;54;11
Seth
Well, I was gonna say I was like, wait, did you take one of those turns? I feel I would feel a lot better if I knew that you took one of those turns, because it seemed like it was just me. Like, here we go. Here I am.

00;07;54;11 - 00;07;56;13
Ashlynn
Like, hey.

00;07;56;16 - 00;08;02;25
Seth
Hey, babe. I just need a weekend by Mars. I need a week like I need, I need space.

00;08;03;02 - 00;08;24;23
Ashlynn
So after I think for both it, it's all right. But for for both of us. He's never been married and I have been married 21 years and divorced. It's still. It's fear of losing ourselves again, like I. He lost himself in past relationships and now he's found this new version and he's like, I don't want to let this go.

00;08;24;26 - 00;08;35;08
Ashlynn
And yet we're both going. We live like we're married. What are we doing? It's not like, I'm really not going to be that much different, but, it's the words, I guess.

00;08;35;10 - 00;08;49;10
Seth
I think just coming into my own after those experiences, you know, at 30, you know, finding myself, you know, divorced at 37 with six kids.

00;08;49;12 - 00;08;50;24
Ashlynn

00;08;50;26 - 00;09;12;23
Seth
You know, 37, 38 and relearning. Not really. You know, relearning who I was. Yeah. In some ways discovering who I was in others and absolutely just cementing who I knew I was and loved. You know like it was kind of like there's the polar part.

00;09;13;00 - 00;09;13;17
Ashlynn
The three there.

00;09;13;18 - 00;09;34;15
Seth
There were the three, the three headed dragon. But I today, you know, I don't have that worry, number one, because I know you're super healthy, but also like, girl, if you if you weren't healthy or if you didn't accept that I'm not backing down this time.

00;09;34;17 - 00;09;35;23
Stephanie
Maybe that's true.

00;09;35;23 - 00;09;36;18
Ashlynn
Yeah. We have a voice.

00;09;36;18 - 00;10;05;24
Seth
I'm not. I have a voice I am not betraying. Yeah, me. You know, moving forward, I can still be. I'll be compassionate. I'll be understanding. I'll, you know, we'll. I'll have proper boundaries. I'll respect your boundaries. But at the same time, like, me and my identity are not, are not going on the altar this time. They're not going to be.

00;10;05;26 - 00;10;13;26
Seth
They're not in, in, you know, they're not going to be going through the guillotine. We're back to decapitation.

00;10;13;28 - 00;10;42;26
Ashlynn
Can I just ask the question? Because I feel like I didn't even know I was missing parts of myself. I didn't know I had lost myself. I didn't know that I was self betraying, that I wasn't using my voice. I was just trying to be a good partner and save a marriage in many ways. And we made so much healing together for seven years, and we found a lot of happiness in the rebuild.

00;10;42;26 - 00;11;12;15
Ashlynn
And it's this and where people are, like you said, you were happy before and now you say you're happy now. Like it doesn't make sense. So I'm question to you is I did have happy moments in the end. And now I found a new kind of relationship and I am happier. Yeah, it doesn't mean I wasn't here. There is still the good and the bad, just like there's good and bad over here in the new one.

00;11;12;15 - 00;11;27;19
Ashlynn
Yeah, yeah. But it's a different level that I ever was at before. And I'm not saying I could never have reached the level I'm at.

00;11;27;21 - 00;11;29;26
Ashlynn
But here I am.

00;11;29;29 - 00;11;32;02
Seth
So I always used to say, where are.

00;11;32;02 - 00;11;32;25
Ashlynn
You at.

00;11;32;28 - 00;11;56;10
Seth
Ashland. I used to always say, well, before I knew what I was coming into, like before I went into the storm, I was the happiest guy in the world because I choose to be like, that's the part cemented like, that's a that's the just the always awesome part about me is that, listen, I'm adaptable and I'm going to make it work.

00;11;56;10 - 00;12;05;11
Seth
And, you know, my faith and my, my identity and my my perspective. Like, I'm just a doggone optimist. Right?

00;12;05;11 - 00;12;09;11
Ashlynn
So good, so jealous.

00;12;09;13 - 00;12;35;08
Seth
Now, having said that, you know, so I was happy and I found happiness where I could. It's like. It's like when you're. When you're hiking in the mountains and there's this, there's this rock with this little crevice, and there's a beautiful little flower growing out of it. it's like of all the places. But this is where you were dropped, and this is where you're blossoming, and, you know, so we could postulate.

00;12;35;08 - 00;12;57;29
Seth
Well, what if that flower or somebody somewhere else and it was the seed was dropped. So then we would have that iteration, but it's dropped right there. And those things are beyond, you know, you know, maybe us, you know, in large part the big machine, you know, the big wheels turning. So that was me. I was that flower.

00;12;57;29 - 00;13;02;03
Seth
And so I found joy where I was.

00;13;02;06 - 00;13;23;26
Seth
But what I didn't realize was I was also giving up so much of myself in order to make a relation, you know, in order to seek to, to, to compensate, to be accepted, not to be.

00;13;23;29 - 00;13;44;08
Seth
Railed on right there there were lots of motivations. I'm a I'm a I'm terrible. I'm not a terrible pleaser. I am a pleaser. Like, I like I have that part of me too. Right? So in order to please, in order to get, you know, acceptance. Right. So. So it was that balance. Yeah. Was I happy? Yeah, absolutely.

00;13;44;08 - 00;14;09;01
Seth
Because I choose to be happy. Right? Are you kidding? I chose this person. I chose these kids. Right? Life's beautiful. And I'm going to focus where I can. And much, much of that started to erode away because of the relationship. Right? So much so honestly that like, I didn't in order to keep peace. And this is where I started to lose happiness.

00;14;09;04 - 00;14;37;22
Seth
Now it was like my space just got smaller and smaller and smaller, and pretty soon I wasn't in a garden. I was in that little crack and I'm okay. I'm going to be that flower. That's me, you know? like, couldn't wear the I mean, didn't wear the clothes that I typically would wear. didn't do the activities, didn't didn't play basketball, didn't exercise, didn't fish, didn't didn't try new things that I had wanted to all the time.

00;14;37;24 - 00;15;02;14
Seth
This is this is where it really is tragic. Didn't create the memories and I was I'm I was a be at home dad. So I had dang good memories with all my kids, but stopped singing with my kids because that wasn't accepted. Right. stop singing by myself. Frankly. Stop smiling like like that was. That was on the chopping block.

00;15;02;16 - 00;15;27;09
Seth
Like you got to stop smiling. Stop talking with emotion and passion and the breath of life. Right. And so again, I'm. I'm just in this crack and I'm going to bloom and do what I can, even though this something seems off. Right? But maybe it's me. Maybe I'm a narcissist.

00;15;27;11 - 00;15;28;05
Ashlynn
Maybe you.

00;15;28;07 - 00;15;29;20
Seth
Maybe I'm a narcissist because that's.

00;15;29;20 - 00;15;31;02
Ashlynn
What I'm going to do. More.

00;15;31;05 - 00;15;32;02
Seth
Exactly.

00;15;32;04 - 00;15;33;03
Ashlynn
Myself. More.

00;15;33;04 - 00;15;55;25
Seth
Yeah. So there was a point where a spiritual advisor said, Sath, you need to be like, you need to be you unapologetic and, you know, basically not his approval. But like, dude, you're awesome, right? You didn't tell me that. But that was that was the idea. And it was like a light bulb went on. Am I in my head?

00;15;55;25 - 00;16;22;03
Seth
I'm like, yeah. And it sucks that I'm probably going to lose this person, right? Or this love that we've had with this relationship. You know, this relationship we've had. And I still hadn't accepted that yet. The letting go part. But what I did accept was it is not okay for me to be me. It is divinely appointed. This is the way for me to be me.

00;16;22;03 - 00;16;42;25
Seth
And that's why I say, you know, I say like, I couldn't give that up. Like I, I just, I have so much fun being me, right that I wouldn't give that up again. Like it is not going to happen. And just to your point, Ashlynn. Oh my goodness, I'm not in that crack anymore. 10 million acres of bloom.

00;16;42;26 - 00;17;02;28
Seth
King Indian paintbrush, daisies, whatever you want. Right? Gerber? You know, anyway, and I have a there's a new level of happiness. Yeah, that I never had had been able to experience because I hadn't fully developed.

00;17;03;01 - 00;17;35;00
Ashlynn
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm hearing that, which was beautiful, by the way. It makes me think of something I read recently and that this is what spoke to me. I'm currently like in a list of priorities self and then my partner and then our relationship. And in my marriage previous it was reversed. it was relationship. My partner and self.

00;17;35;03 - 00;17;43;09
Ashlynn
Yeah. Right. That's where I'm like, I think you could figure this out if you were married, you just needed maybe swap where your priorities are.

00;17;43;16 - 00;17;46;23
Stephanie
Well, and also takes your partner that once the same.

00;17;46;23 - 00;17;48;29
Seth
Thing depends on the partner for sure.

00;17;49;01 - 00;17;54;28
Ashlynn
But the partner's always in the middle, like they're always important. But yeah.

00;17;54;28 - 00;18;07;27
Stephanie
Oh yeah. But I mean, if you think about it, if you're in a relationship that's unhealthy and they're not willing to step back and take a look at themselves and change, then no matter what, which version of yourself like, it's just not going to work.

00;18;07;29 - 00;18;09;27
Ashlynn
Yeah. So,

00;18;10;00 - 00;18;42;24
Seth
Even if you're with a great partner, and this is one of the things that married couples, regardless of their past, like this is what we have to learn. It's kind of like you're talking about kind of like like the divine triangle. You're talking about divine priorities, right? that even if you're with a healthy person, if you both don't have the tools now, then it can be difficult or, you know, if one of you, you know, doesn't want, like, you both, you both got to want to you got to want to and be willing.

00;18;42;29 - 00;19;13;13
Seth
I've always said this since my divorce, you know, and that's been 13 years, right? I said that what I learned about love and marriage and relationship is love. And this is kind of like your priority list, because, like, how important is love in a relationship? It's pretty doggone important. But what I, what I, what I learned through my experience is love is not is not the crowning, or foundational.

00;19;13;20 - 00;19;47;23
Seth
Love isn't the most important thing in a relationship for me. What I learned is it was choice. Because once somebody chose and chose to be there and chose to give themselves and chose to to to play in the relationship, right, to invest in it, then you had the opportunity to up on top of that to build. But if you didn't make that choice or if you didn't feel like you're making that choice, with, with, you know, no strings attached, if you will, you know, with your agency then any love that you tried to build on, it was on a faulty foundation.

00;19;47;23 - 00;19;48;16
Seth
Anyway.

00;19;48;19 - 00;20;00;12
Stephanie
So one thing that I didn't bring up, because I knew that I wanted to ask you this question, is, what are you most passionate about right now and what are you doing about it?

00;20;00;15 - 00;20;32;22
Ashlynn
I'm passionate about that. It's a. It's a mixed answer. Okay. I am passionate about this online program that I'm creating. It's called The Rise Within, gathering. And it's basically taking my in-person retreats that are 1% of my community can go to and saying, hey, I want it to be more accessible to anyone, wherever they live, whatever their circumstances are.

00;20;32;24 - 00;20;52;16
Ashlynn
And they get ten weeks live content with me where I break down, all the parts of the retreat, plus more. Some some fun stuff. So that's what I'm most passionate about. That's what I'm working on. And what am I doing about it? I'm avoiding it.

00;20;52;18 - 00;21;25;05
Ashlynn
So, I'm super excited, but I have to like. Yeah, it also scares me because I want people to have this so much. And I actually gave up all my retreats this year because it just felt like it just didn't feel right to only give to 1% of the people who want it. And so this program is opening up something that I haven't done before, virtually is saying I can work with you no matter if your story is not mine.

00;21;25;08 - 00;21;46;26
Ashlynn
And currently I only run small, intimate groups for women after they've been betrayed or women after divorce. And I have all these other people in the community saying, well, we want to learn those things too, but we don't have your story. So this is what I'm feeling passionate around. It just feel I want. I'm an inclusive person. I want everyone to be included.

00;21;46;29 - 00;21;51;27
Ashlynn
So it feels good and it scares me at the same time. So I'm avoiding it a little bit.

00;21;52;00 - 00;22;15;13
Stephanie
Well, that's a good goal if it scares you, right? Yeah. That means it's big enough. Yes. I love that you're developing something that, goes beyond the 1% or whomever, can relate to your story because I have been on a handful of retreats and typically, like, there's a mold, and if you don't fit in that mold, then it's like, oh, I can't go and, or it's not for me, right?

00;22;15;16 - 00;22;22;24
Stephanie
I'm not going to lose my time and my money into it. So I love that. It's a broader thing that so many women yeah, I learned from.

00;22;22;26 - 00;22;48;10
Ashlynn
My my first retreat was very focused on betrayal, and I loved it. I loved the women, and I never did it again because I just felt like if we were going to a retreat, to be empowered and to let go and to grow, we weren't going and saying, here's this hard thing, this is who I am. I wanted women to come and just say, here I am.

00;22;48;13 - 00;22;53;19
Ashlynn
And so that felt very different. So kind of the same thing with the online.

00;22;53;25 - 00;22;55;04
Stephanie
Well, I'm excited to.

00;22;55;04 - 00;22;59;11
Ashlynn
See me do. August 15th.

00;22;59;14 - 00;23;02;02
Seth
Oh is that, is that oh we're two weeks out next week.

00;23;02;03 - 00;23;07;04
Ashlynn
Yes I know, that's why I'm avoiding come off.

00;23;07;06 - 00;23;27;00
Seth
So I think I think you made some posts in July or something that Steph was telling me about that July. I mean there's a day for everything. I'm pretty soon we're going to have ours that are dedicated. This is the our fourth. Right. but that apparently July was the Sexual intimacy month, like national or international, I don't know.

00;23;27;00 - 00;23;27;29
Seth
Is that is that what it was?

00;23;27;29 - 00;23;32;15
Stephanie
I thought that's what you had said in your stories. But then I realized, oh, wait, that's September.

00;23;32;17 - 00;23;43;20
Ashlynn
Oh, well, I don't even. I just say it's called sex tember. It's I don't know when the National Month of Sex is. I should look that up. Well, I was like, wait or intimacy?

00;23;43;23 - 00;23;49;20
Seth
My, my response was, why would you limit yourself to a month like hello?

00;23;49;21 - 00;24;10;22
Ashlynn
Like then you will enjoy Stephanie, make sure you're sharing all of sex tember posts and things because it is a really fun. It started out very, rigid where it was actually just part of my healing to use my voice and talk about something that was very taboo for me growing up and even as an adult, I have family.

00;24;10;22 - 00;24;15;24
Ashlynn
It makes incredibly uncomfortable that I choose to do this, but,

00;24;15;26 - 00;24;18;20
Seth
That makes that makes dinners more interesting.

00;24;18;22 - 00;24;44;09
Ashlynn
But this is one of the deepest parts of my healing, because sex is the thing that hurt me the most. I was betrayed, and I had a partner who had, compulsive porn use with secretive. And so it was just this thing that hurt me for so long that reclaiming it has been very powerful. And I want that for all.

00;24;44;11 - 00;24;51;14
Ashlynn
So I share and, where was I going with that?

00;24;51;17 - 00;24;54;21
Stephanie
I how how you dedicate September to talk. Oh.

00;24;54;23 - 00;25;26;14
Ashlynn
So yes. So it started rigid and we we as in me said you take every day of the month and you have sex. It's a sex feast. And I had done a sex fest in my former marriage to dismantle old beliefs, dismantle trauma, and, and find things that I could start working through so that I could come back and have a healthier take on my own sexuality and a partnered sexuality.

00;25;26;16 - 00;25;47;02
Ashlynn
So a sex feast sounded like a lot. It is a lot for a lot of people. but over the years I've changed it because everyone's in a different place and I have a different crowd now where some people are single by choice. I have, just we're in all different stages. I'm just going to say that and ages.

00;25;47;04 - 00;26;14;05
Ashlynn
So, now it's just do something that brings you closer to your own sexuality, whether it's just being curious one day or it's reading a book through the month, listening to a podcast, having sex, trying something new in sex, it's whatever you want it to be. But it's it's a reclamation and it's produced many babies over the years.

00;26;14;08 - 00;26;21;07
Seth
Well, I can't write. I can't imagine I'm just I'm just saying, you know, one plus one. I know where this is going.

00;26;21;09 - 00;26;29;02
Ashlynn
I know I've had many people say they got pregnant during sex. Tim. Oh that's awesome. You're welcome.

00;26;29;05 - 00;26;32;16
Seth
I mean, there's a whole lot of June babies.

00;26;32;18 - 00;26;51;17
Ashlynn
you know what? And I have a lot of crowd who they don't like sex, temper. It's very triggering and hard for them. And I understand that. And some, sometimes they just push pause and then come back when September is over. And, the coolest thing is I have, one of my group leaders who's been through betrayal and done a lot of her own healing.

00;26;51;17 - 00;27;14;02
Ashlynn
She said, I used to hate sex timber. I hated when you talked about it because I wanted it so bad, and I was hurting too much to even dive into that healing. It was like, I'm just still working on the betrayal stuff. Why on earth am I going to jump into something not scary? Yeah. And a year later she said, oh my gosh, I'm I'm participating in sex timber.

00;27;14;02 - 00;27;31;11
Ashlynn
This is the best. It's so fun. And so sometimes our progress may take the year to figure out that you're okay with it. But it's really a beautiful process, especially when it's these women who've been hurt in some traumatic way by something that they are now reclaiming.

00;27;31;13 - 00;27;41;14
Stephanie
I've never thought about it that way, going through my own traumas and betrayals, you know, throughout my life. I can totally see how that would be healing to reclaim that.

00;27;41;16 - 00;27;45;20
Ashlynn
Yeah, I should probably talk about it more, Yeah, it's it.

00;27;45;20 - 00;27;46;28
Stephanie
Totally makes sense for me.

00;27;47;05 - 00;28;09;08
Seth
Not to reclaim something as intimate and personal. It's very personal, right? What? You're what you're willing to share of yourself in an intimate relationship sexually, not to reclaim that something that important, I think is is is tragic.

00;28;09;11 - 00;28;43;03
Ashlynn
You know, that's how I feel. And that's why I push it sometimes, with more of my intimate groups, I push them like today on one of my group calls, just hearing these women talk about now having sexual experiences where they're crying and it's not crying because it's a scary and hard thing anymore. They're crying because it's beautiful and they realize they were never broken and it was never their fault.

00;28;43;05 - 00;29;23;06
Ashlynn
And they deserve all the pleasure and duality. As usual, they're grieving that version of themself who didn't know that and who didn't believe it, and who accepted really unsafe or not connected sex for sometimes decades. So it's a beautiful thing for me to witness these women who are pushing themselves to do a much deeper work then, you know, it took me probably five years into my own healing after betrayal, before I jumped into that, because I it was just too scary.

00;29;23;08 - 00;29;55;05
Seth
So for everybody who's listening, like you, you have your own time. yeah. Time timing. You have your own journey. and, you know, if it's if it's time, then great. Take that step. Let's move toward that. But let's. But and if it's not, that's okay. You deserve that. You deserve to be able to reclaim that, that power over such, physical, emotional, spiritual power in your life.

00;29;55;09 - 00;30;14;08
Ashlynn
Right. Well, in one thing I wish I would have heard is because the most important thing is you want to be with a safe partner. I would never push anyone who's who's not in that space. But what I wish I would have known is that even if he's not safe, she's not safe. They are not safe. I can be safe.

00;30;14;08 - 00;30;40;17
Ashlynn
And myself and I can still start to unpack and unravel all of that and start to heal for me. on my own. And that is how I started when it when it finally clicked that I wasn't doing it for a partner, that I actually just had to do it for myself. That no matter the outcome, I could find my own spiritual place in sexuality.

00;30;40;20 - 00;30;42;02
Ashlynn
Everything changed for me.

00;30;42;05 - 00;31;12;00
Stephanie
I think that's when when I started to realize that my first marriage might not make it. When I realized that I had lost myself and that I was doing everything for him. And then when I did pull away and start working on myself and finding myself again and loving who I was, that he didn't like that and he wasn't changing, and that he was starting to show that he didn't like me because of that.

00;31;12;02 - 00;31;17;09
Ashlynn
Wrath, which tells us so many stories that get trapped in our heads that we have to work through.

00;31;17;16 - 00;31;45;09
Stephanie
Yes, thankfully, you know, I feel like part of my story that's really powerful is the day that I knew that I was going to get divorced. I'm the one that, got filed for divorce. I knew that I had done everything that I possibly could and then some. Yeah, and I was that same. And I could walk away, and I knew that everything was going to be okay in the end.

00;31;45;12 - 00;31;54;27
Stephanie
Now it was hell going through it all. but there was also some peace just knowing that there was absolutely nothing else I could have done to save this marriage.

00;31;55;04 - 00;32;33;26
Ashlynn
Yes, I couldn't agree more. And. I think there is peace in that. Like, I've already done really hard things in order to put effort for myself and for this partnership, and I'm going to use the same tools that got me through that to get into the next, chapter. And it it was so messy. I, I recently had a good conversation with, some married gals who said, sometimes it looks like you glamorize divorce because it looks so fun, looks so great.

00;32;33;26 - 00;33;13;22
Ashlynn
I look so much happier. And so it was a really good thing to hear because I said, how do I honor both? I've been both. I, I found happiness and repair in a marriage, and I found happiness outside of it and repair in myself. So it's really tricky for me to honor both sides. because people have a hard time from what they are saying, seeing that it was hard for me because I didn't show the nights where I was sitting alone and crying and so scared out of my mind how I was going to do this.

00;33;13;25 - 00;33;43;01
Ashlynn
Right before our our interview just now, I had to film myself doing something scary because I needed a body double. Because I've been avoiding it for two months. I had to pay my taxes and see it brings up emotion. I've been doing it for years on my own and there's still fear for me. Just as a divorced entrepreneur that I like the abundance, it still can get scary for me.

00;33;43;03 - 00;34;01;07
Ashlynn
And so I've set up the camera as like a body double, like, I can do this, I'm to get I got it done in two minutes instead of two months. And it felt amazing. By the end, I was like, oh yeah, I forgot one. I have money in the bank too. I have like a business. I'm so capable and I've been doing it for years.

00;34;01;09 - 00;34;10;21
Ashlynn
The things I was most afraid of after divorce were things I was already doing. I was already doing, it was just different.

00;34;10;23 - 00;34;14;19
Seth
Well, what does that list look like?

00;34;14;22 - 00;34;45;16
Ashlynn
I'm running a business on my own. I had partners, and I pay people now, but I was doing a lot of it over functioning. Not healthy, but I was doing it on my own. And as when I finally got to a place, I think the same year I was divorced, probably like 12, 11 to 12 months in, I went to my therapist and I said, I'm so afraid of running this business and making big decisions.

00;34;45;19 - 00;35;07;29
Ashlynn
In a business, when I have two kids, I'm supporting 100% like, this is terrifying. It's different when I don't have another income, or it's different when I don't have another partner to say, is this a good idea? I don't know, it feels right in my gut. And he said, you've already been doing it for the last year. Like, did you forget that you've already made big decisions?

00;35;08;02 - 00;35;31;29
Ashlynn
Oh my gosh. And I started to realize that all these things that I was afraid of, afraid of going out with, no one going out by myself. I'd done that for years, but now, because I was divorced, it just felt bigger and scarier because I wasn't going home to anyone, but I was already doing it. so just there's some to weird examples.

00;35;32;02 - 00;35;49;07
Seth
No, I think I think it's super relevant. I think it's super relevant. People, we we worry about things that are in the future that really, you know, 98% of them will never come to pass anyway. And, you know, maybe the other 2%, you're already doing it.

00;35;49;10 - 00;35;50;14
Ashlynn
Yes. Right.

00;35;50;16 - 00;36;16;09
Seth
Or doing something similar. Like. Like what? You maybe you're not doing that, but what are you doing that is similar in showing similar initiative and, similar success, similar skill set. Right. It well, it's like, who was it? Was it Tiffany I want to say it was Tiffany. we interviewed Tiffany Larsen is the CEO of days for girls.

00;36;16;12 - 00;36;44;14
Seth
awesome organization. but, you know, I think she was talking about how women, women particularly, for example, say, moms who had a first career, which was raising kids when they were young. Right? And now that they're moving into kids are in school or whatever, you know, maybe they're empty nesters or whatever or they're divorced, whatever. so many women worry about how am I going to make ends meet?

00;36;44;17 - 00;37;12;19
Seth
Understandably, it's it's a reality that they need to provide but they worry about it and like wait listen, do you know how many skill transferable skills moms have into the practical business world. And I want you to say moms. I will say women, right? I won't define them simply as moms. Like, are you kidding me? They have all of these skills that are directly transferable to the professional world.

00;37;12;27 - 00;37;30;28
Seth
And frankly, right. Watch out guys. Like they're really equipped to do these things. Ek off the charts, right? So that just makes me think that that that there's so many women who are really they really are equipped because they have the experience.

00;37;31;01 - 00;38;01;25
Ashlynn
I think they need reframing, of realizing their skills, because that is probably the the most fear that I hear from women who are trying to decide if they are going to stay or go is I don't I've never worked, I don't have any skills. And so yeah, it's going to take work and there are resources to help us in so many ways it might require some humble ego dropping.

00;38;01;28 - 00;38;14;03
Ashlynn
but yeah I've absolutely been resourceful during some of the hardest times of my life. And I've asked for help. Uncomfortable.

00;38;14;06 - 00;38;34;05
Stephanie
so going back to, your conversation with your friends, saying that you make divorce look fun and easy, it's so funny that you bring that up because I've. I've actually been thinking about that the last like 24 hours about, you know, one of the reasons why I, I love watching your stories and your posts and everything because they're so fun.

00;38;34;08 - 00;38;39;05
Ashlynn
I don't, it's true, but, you know, and,

00;38;39;07 - 00;38;45;01
Stephanie
Like, I was thinking about it in a way of, wow, she's really healing and finding herself.

00;38;45;03 - 00;38;45;23
Ashlynn
Yeah.

00;38;45;25 - 00;39;08;22
Stephanie
And I guess I could really relate to that. partly because I went through it myself, but partly because I actually feel like, I didn't go out on the limb as much as I probably could have to heal. And so I look at your healing and your experience, differently than my experience. I was 24 when I got divorced, with two kids.

00;39;08;24 - 00;39;25;06
Stephanie
But, Yeah. Yeah. So to me, it actually is it's a positive thing when you look at you well-rounded Lee, because you do see all the great things that you have to offer women or people in general because of the healing that you have done.

00;39;25;08 - 00;39;45;17
Ashlynn
Well. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I, I don't know how do you quantify how you get somewhere without all the yuck. Yeah. All the hard, yucky moments are those who made us, you know, that's what made us into these incredible humans that we are.

00;39;45;20 - 00;39;59;15
Stephanie
Absolutely. I wouldn't take away my experience because of that, you know, was it hard if I could choose a different way, maybe I would, but yeah, in the end, I love who I am. And so I'm going to love the journey that I've also been on.

00;39;59;18 - 00;40;05;04
Seth
If you were to take away those experiences, you would not be who you are today. No, you would have.

00;40;05;05 - 00;40;06;12
Ashlynn
Not be talking to you.

00;40;06;15 - 00;40;14;03
Seth
You know you and you wouldn't be able just like to cut it, just like slice it right now, like, like like on the screen when I was only half, you know, half.

00;40;14;03 - 00;40;16;12
Ashlynn
On and off. Exactly.

00;40;16;12 - 00;40;42;04
Seth
It would be so enmeshed in who you are that it would be very painful to try to separate, you know, that. Yeah. Because sometimes I think, oh, man, this is going to get this is going to get into your personal story right now in your relationship, because we were going to talk about that. But sometimes I think and I just wish that me and what would have been like, it's like, you know, like like I'm a country singer, okay?

00;40;42;05 - 00;41;04;18
Seth
I listen to country music and I listen to, you know, Thomas Rat thinking about, you know, how they knew, you know, he was new. He's going to marry her since third grade or whatever. And and I'm like, what would have been like if if Steph and I would have been the same age, which we're not, right. Like, like I was, I was I was nine years old when.

00;41;04;20 - 00;41;05;06
Stephanie
When I was.

00;41;05;06 - 00;41;07;23
Seth
Born. When she was born. Right. You know, or I.

00;41;07;29 - 00;41;09;26
Ashlynn
Was 13 when my guy was born.

00;41;10;04 - 00;41;17;15
Seth
There you go. There you go. I mean, it makes a difference. Like I was 20 when she was 12. Yeah. Yeah. No.

00;41;17;15 - 00;41;21;26
Ashlynn
Well, back then, don't talk about under 21. It just sounds so weird.

00;41;21;29 - 00;41;22;28
Stephanie
Right?

00;41;23;00 - 00;41;26;09
Ashlynn
Right. Or under 30? Like pretend. Yeah.

00;41;26;11 - 00;41;41;05
Seth
30 and Utah. Yeah, but but you have you you had this, this funny reel up, on your Instagram account where it was like, had we known each other back then and it was like you at your picture of you at 13 and him in your in utero, right?

00;41;41;07 - 00;41;44;28
Ashlynn
Yes. That dang video went viral.

00;41;45;00 - 00;41;47;03
Stephanie
for good reason. It's awesome.

00;41;47;06 - 00;42;11;22
Ashlynn
I think it spoke to a lot of people for sure that we're not alone in, the age difference. But, you know, after a certain age, it just doesn't. I mean, it can. We're not as if it was 20, you know, multiple generations different. Maybe. But for us, there aren't a lot of, pushback around the age.

00;42;11;25 - 00;42;14;05
Ashlynn
It doesn't come up some.

00;42;14;07 - 00;42;20;28
Stephanie
That's how I feel for us, too, for the most part. I mean, every once in a while, I'll joke with Seth and be like, your age is showing that.

00;42;21;00 - 00;42;26;20
Ashlynn
I do hear that when I have to get out my glasses to read.

00;42;26;22 - 00;42;40;17
Seth
It's usually when I'm just saying something very wise, which is pretty much most of the time. I mean, they're saying something incredibly intuitive and profound or I'm just joking around.

00;42;40;17 - 00;42;46;06
Stephanie
So he's trying to joke and maybe somebody doesn't get it wrong. Crowd.

00;42;46;08 - 00;42;47;18
Ashlynn
Yeah.

00;42;47;20 - 00;42;49;28
Seth
We got to try that real. We got to try that real. We do.

00;42;49;29 - 00;42;52;29
Ashlynn
Do it. I love it.

00;42;53;01 - 00;43;02;17
Stephanie
So I know that you're into reading. if you could recommend one book to women in general.

00;43;02;19 - 00;43;04;19
Ashlynn
Just one.

00;43;04;21 - 00;43;07;13
Stephanie
Okay. Maybe three. Your top three.

00;43;07;16 - 00;43;36;08
Ashlynn
Okay. Because I actually was thinking this morning. So I'm currently listening to the way of Integrity. let me look I wish I had read the book Good Inside by Doctor Becky Kennedy before I write as I became a mom. Oh, it's a beautiful book. She is such a great follow on Instagram and a great read where she talks about how to be a better parent.

00;43;36;08 - 00;44;00;03
Ashlynn
We need to be a better self and to understand our self and the parts of us that get triggered by our kids and all sorts of things. So I love that book. So if you're a parent, Becky Kennedy could inside. yes. I'm going to say Brené Brown. I don't even know which one I would say.

00;44;00;06 - 00;44;02;01
Seth
Just the name Brené Brown.

00;44;02;01 - 00;44;37;28
Ashlynn
Right? Yeah. Like even if you just bought her coffee book, it's so beautiful. And you, it's not a book to read. It's just emotions and topics that she talks about. If you don't have it, you should get it. It's so beautiful. but all of Brené Brown's work is where I started in, the unraveling of Ashlyn because she studied, she studies both male and female and everyone now, but she only studied women in the beginning with shame and just how it was affecting the way that we saw ourselves in the way that we were showing up in the world.

00;44;37;28 - 00;45;02;20
Ashlynn
And so I took a 12 week course, Brené Brown shame resilience course. And my therapist said, I really think you should take this course. I said, no, I don't have any shame. I'm successful. I was like, top of it was when I was a hustling entrepreneur. So I was top of my game. I was doing great, but my self-image and partnership was horrible, by the way.

00;45;02;22 - 00;45;28;24
Ashlynn
so I took the course because she said I had to and it was eye opening how much shame was driving my life. And so now, I mean, I'm I don't hustle. That's the problem. When I went from hustling to, like, I got to do some work, because I was all of my successes were all. And successes and choices were driven by shame.

00;45;28;26 - 00;45;42;24
Ashlynn
I didn't I didn't want people to think I was this or that, and I cared way too much about what people thought. So if you care about what other people think, start reading Brené Brown. Anything, any of it.

00;45;42;26 - 00;45;50;26
Stephanie
which one do you think? Because I am getting a lot better in that area, but I still struggle with it.

00;45;50;28 - 00;46;13;22
Ashlynn
I started with I thought it was just me, but it isn't okay. And it really, I just felt a lot of validation because I really did think it was just me who was beating myself up. And I actually got a shame partner. And I would just text her or call her with the, the dual agreement that we weren't going to judge or give advice.

00;46;13;22 - 00;46;41;19
Ashlynn
We were just there to listen. And it just speaking your shame in the moment just brings it down. So it's way more, it you just have a better ability to process it and move through it. So, that one was a great one for me for that. And which one? I'm going to say, come as you are, come as you are, but with the workbook.

00;46;41;21 - 00;47;11;11
Ashlynn
Okay. Because the book alone is fabulous for both men and women, and them all include everyone, but it just is so much of the understanding your body and their body and why we are the way we are, and debunking some myths and helping us understand desire all these things. But the workbook is like going to therapy because you go through which this is going to scare you and you would probably do it, but you should, editors.

00;47;11;14 - 00;47;14;14
Seth
Edit this out so people actually don't hit pause on the.

00;47;14;20 - 00;47;49;18
Ashlynn
That's a I just know it's it starts with sexual trauma and our, our history of whether we think we have sexual trauma or not, like not having sexual trauma. You still have beliefs around sex. Like sex comes easy to me. Sex is it. You know, there's still so much for us to undo. And so just me going through that and then really figuring out what I wanted and does and desired and needed for my own healthy sexuality really shifted things for me.

00;47;49;18 - 00;47;53;17
Ashlynn
So I love and recommend that book to everyone male, female, all of us.

00;47;53;19 - 00;47;58;00
Stephanie
I have heard that recommendation a few times, so I think it's the same.

00;47;58;03 - 00;48;03;22
Ashlynn
For sex tember with the work at the workbook that yes.

00;48;03;24 - 00;48;05;24
Stephanie
You're going to write it down for me.

00;48;05;27 - 00;48;12;21
Ashlynn
Is audible, and then you can both listen to it and you can talk about it. It's I think it makes for fun date conversation.

00;48;12;23 - 00;48;15;15
Stephanie
That's great. What was that.

00;48;15;15 - 00;48;17;24
Ashlynn
Look?

00;48;17;26 - 00;48;28;14
Seth
I was just going to make a, a witty comment, but I was ready to make a witty comment. And then I went there and there was no wit there. Something. Oh, just.

00;48;28;16 - 00;48;31;23
Ashlynn
Just a comment.

00;48;31;25 - 00;48;44;11
Seth
Two recommendations for women in order to, start that process to heal, from sexual betrayal.

00;48;44;14 - 00;48;47;11
Ashlynn
To say that, again, two recommendations.

00;48;47;17 - 00;49;19;08
Seth
What we've been talking about, about like, you were talking about sexual trauma, we're talking about, and I believe so many women, I don't even know the percentage. I think it would. I think it would be. It would be way high. how many women, you know, bare sexual trauma are dragging, dragging, dragging around the baggage from sexual trauma.

00;49;19;10 - 00;49;50;02
Ashlynn
I think the first step is honestly just acknowledging that you might have something that is blocking your pleasure. And that can be scary and hard because it can mean, I don't want to go to therapy. That sounds scary. Like, I don't want to dig stuff up. I hear that a lot. And for me, I think acknowledging that you have the pain, the next step for me was going and doing reprocessing therapy.

00;49;50;02 - 00;50;27;13
Ashlynn
So I, I did eMDR. You can also do A.R.T.. it's a beautiful, beautiful modality where you can be safe in your own body and reprocess really traumatic events and so, I started my therapist said, name three sexual related events from your childhood, your young adulthood, and then as a married person. And so I wrote down all three and she said, what is the one that's affecting you most today?

00;50;27;16 - 00;51;08;28
Ashlynn
And I started with my young adulthood, and that was the first ever eMDR session I did. And it's the first session I realized I was raped. I did not know that, because of my programing and being told certain things, I just thought I was being a good girl and doing what I was supposed to do. So, it allowed me to re process and really take some of that power back and to use my voice and to make it so that I don't have a physical reaction anymore when I think about that event or that person.

00;51;09;00 - 00;51;38;13
Ashlynn
And I can also enjoy things that were done during that time that they were serious blocks in my relationship, in my marriage, for probably, I would say 15 years, I missed out on 15 years of pleasure because of my pain. And so I know I'm not alone in that. I'm far from alone in that. a lot of us just think, well, I just I don't like it.

00;51;38;15 - 00;52;05;20
Ashlynn
I don't want to do that. And you don't have to, but if there's blocks there, there are so many resources for us to heal. So acknowledge and seek reprocessing, trauma therapy. and the best thing are accelerated resolution therapy. It's not available everywhere, but it is so much. It's like talk therapy on steroids, basically. But you're I don't have to talk if I don't want to.

00;52;05;20 - 00;52;48;29
Ashlynn
I don't have to say it out loud. These hard things that I am reprocessing in my brain, and I just have someone there in a safe space who is guiding me through a visualization where I can make it and make it a safe space for me because it's not in my brain. So it's a really beautiful thing. And that is where I started, and it only catapulted me to come as you are, all these other things and I've done online sexual courses for, Christian, those who are raised Christian and trying to just understand what a healthy sexuality looks like outside of what we think it is.

00;52;49;02 - 00;53;01;03
Ashlynn
Yeah. So it's for religious people. I did it while I'm religious and I've done it outside of religion. It's beautiful for both if you're for men and women, truthfully. So.

00;53;01;05 - 00;53;14;27
Stephanie
Oh that's great. That's powerful. Do you, do you recommend a certain modality of processing for people who don't remember, like their childhood or a certain part of their life?

00;53;15;00 - 00;53;33;23
Ashlynn
Yeah. So that's a great thing. Thing with art and eMDR, you don't have to you don't. It's not meant for you to go dig things up. I think we get mixed up in thinking, if I go to therapy, things are going to get so horrible and right. Yeah, they're probably going to get worse before they get better, but it's not going to be these scary big things.

00;53;33;23 - 00;53;55;15
Ashlynn
Your brain won't take you there if it's too scary. And so sometimes I'll go in and say, I know I have a block here where I am. I've built this wall. I can feel it, and I'm ready to let it down. And I don't know what caused it. and I actually don't care. And all I do is I float.

00;53;55;17 - 00;54;14;06
Ashlynn
He it's a meditation that he would put me through, and I was floating and I sometimes found something small, sometimes not. And other times I found nothing. And it was just like, okay, well, let's just work on the block. We don't know what it is, but we can still work with it. And that was my experience.

00;54;14;08 - 00;54;17;06
Stephanie
Have you ever done, like, parts work?

00;54;17;11 - 00;54;36;09
Ashlynn
Yeah, that's I started doing parts work way too late as usual. in December of 2023. Okay. Yeah. My therapist is amazing. I everyone my daughter started doing it two years ago, so I don't know why I didn't.

00;54;36;11 - 00;54;42;14
Stephanie
I've recently started doing parts work and I've loved, loved how it's helped me.

00;54;42;16 - 00;54;44;10
Ashlynn
Yeah. It's a new kind of love, right?

00;54;44;10 - 00;54;52;08
Stephanie
It is. It is, and it's amazing. It's so incredible to me how things are connected in ways that you don't think that they are.

00;54;52;10 - 00;54;52;25
Ashlynn
Totally.

00;54;52;25 - 00;55;23;20
Stephanie
And to get to the root of it and be able to validate that part of you that needs the love and validation and safety, and then to, you know, afterwards, I typically I'm like floating on air, just like I don't know if it's that burden that's released or, you know, from the process or, or what, but I mean, sometimes I am like the last time I did it, I was very tired for like a day or two, but, yeah, yeah, it's that's one great modality that I found.

00;55;23;23 - 00;55;35;27
Ashlynn
Yes. And if you don't have someone to do parts with, no, Bad Parts is a great book. what did I did I recommend a different book?

00;55;36;00 - 00;55;37;23
Stephanie
I don't think you recommended that one.

00;55;38;00 - 00;55;56;19
Ashlynn
Okay. No bad parts. Is is parts work? And they lead you through several meditations to do on your home, on your own at home. So if you don't, I have a friend who she only read the book because she couldn't afford to go to therapy. And she's great at visual visualization and meditation, so it worked for her.

00;55;56;22 - 00;55;59;03
Stephanie
Oh, that's that's awesome.

00;55;59;05 - 00;56;06;00
Ashlynn
If you read the audible, I think if you read the book, you'd be hard to lead yourself in a meditation. But that's true.

00;56;06;02 - 00;56;07;10
Stephanie
Very true.

00;56;07;12 - 00;56;47;06
Seth
I have a question. what do you, in looking at the the the many women that you, have and are serving and helping when it comes to sexuality? Blocks. Is there is there a is there a common block that that you find is blocking that, that many women are, are caring or are susceptible to like, like let's call it a false, a false narrative or a false belief when it comes to sex.

00;56;47;09 - 00;56;48;19
Seth
Right.

00;56;48;22 - 00;57;17;08
Ashlynn
I don't know if I know the majority, but I hear a lot of, it's so sad, but also really common. So I want you to hear this and not be like, oh, that's sad, but a lot of women don't get to climax or orgasm during sexual pleasure and believe that their partners, their partner's pleasure comes before theirs.

00;57;17;11 - 00;57;47;27
Ashlynn
and it's not so equal. Or, how I look at it now is more this deep love and almost worship for the other person of just like I adore you, whereas it can feel the almost the opposite in feeling used. it's not an adoration, it's feeling used. So I think that is what I hear the most commonly.

00;57;47;27 - 00;58;08;04
Ashlynn
And so it's really exciting. A lot of, over 40 women have reached out and said, I had my first orgasm in 20 plus years, and it's heartbreaking and exciting at the same time, because there is still a reclamation to be found in that. There's grief that needs to happen. And excitement.

00;58;08;07 - 00;58;10;07
Stephanie
Yes, absolutely.

00;58;10;10 - 00;58;17;26
Ashlynn
So my recommendation everyone just slow down. Slow down and you are worthy of pleasure. So true.

00;58;17;29 - 00;58;25;20
Seth
I don't think it really is. Everyone. It's guys you need to slow down. You know, it's like, let's be real. Like, it's just.

00;58;25;27 - 00;58;26;15
Ashlynn
Like.

00;58;26;17 - 00;58;28;14
Stephanie
It's true.

00;58;28;16 - 00;58;29;23
Ashlynn

00;58;29;26 - 00;59;13;02
Seth
I just feel like. Like we've we've touched on it. We've talked about it today, but they're just so much to learn. I feel about us. You know about me, right? I will never forget. I will never forget being in my late 30s and, and be going through some serious marital problems. Right prior to my divorce. And my neighbor, who was in his 70s at the time, I think, said, said, let's go to lunch and pulled me aside.

00;59;13;04 - 00;59;40;03
Seth
We went to a local restaurant here, and then he just proceeded to lay like the birds and bees on me. But, but but But I'm not. I'm not the general version. I'm, I'm talking about very applicable. Like I'm a grown man and I'm sitting here with my neighbor, like, literally my next door neighbor, you know, and he's like, Seth, let me tell you what to do.

00;59;40;05 - 00;59;40;18
Seth
Right.

00;59;40;18 - 00;59;44;03
Ashlynn
Well, what I was like, that's awesome.

00;59;44;06 - 00;59;57;10
Seth
This the crazy thing about like that is the most in-depth conversation I had had, probably with anyone in the world.

00;59;57;12 - 00;59;58;21
Ashlynn
Yeah, I believe it.

00;59;58;21 - 01;00;01;00
Seth
Including my partner.

01;00;01;03 - 01;00;03;20
Ashlynn
Absolutely. It's there's this funny.

01;00;03;23 - 01;00;04;17
Seth
let me just.

01;00;04;19 - 01;00;05;06
Ashlynn
At that.

01;00;05;07 - 01;00;07;15
Seth
Time just. Yeah.

01;00;07;17 - 01;00;08;19
Ashlynn
Because now I'm different now.

01;00;08;21 - 01;00;13;05
Seth
Incredible woman. And we could talk about we could talk about sex.

01;00;13;07 - 01;00;19;16
Ashlynn
They say it's easier for us to get naked and have sex. Then talk about it.

01;00;19;19 - 01;00;20;14
Stephanie
Yes.

01;00;20;16 - 01;00;47;24
Ashlynn
Isn't that wild? It's so vulnerable to be naked. It's vulnerable to have sex. And yet it's more vulnerable to talk about it. There's a lot of misunderstandings that can happen, a lot of triggers, a lot of blame and shame and also fear. There's just there's a lot that can happen. And so really learning how to like you guys have navigate those conversations is important.

01;00;47;25 - 01;00;49;19
Ashlynn
We talked about that during sex temper.

01;00;49;21 - 01;00;55;19
Seth
And I'm just going to say and we don't have to wait till September. You know like we can do this now folks like this.

01;00;55;19 - 01;00;56;20
Ashlynn
Should start now a year.

01;00;56;20 - 01;00;59;28
Seth
Round thing. I'm just saying a year round thing.

01;01;00;03 - 01;01;10;28
Ashlynn
Oh, man, my account would change entirely. It's so much work. Just. Anyway. So, I'm gearing up for it.

01;01;11;01 - 01;01;19;29
Stephanie
I will say that, you know, it is a lot easier to talk about, you know, intimacy with your partner when you feel safe.

01;01;20;01 - 01;01;30;27
Ashlynn
Oh, absolutely. Like I'm not going to be judged. I'm not going to be taken advantage of. I'm going to be heard. Yeah. And vice versa. Yeah.

01;01;30;27 - 01;01;34;27
Stephanie
Yes. Which makes it so much better.

01;01;34;29 - 01;01;36;14
Ashlynn
so conversation that.

01;01;36;17 - 01;01;41;27
Stephanie
Well, the conversation times action.

01;01;41;29 - 01;01;44;12
Ashlynn
Yes.

01;01;44;14 - 01;02;21;00
Seth
It's interesting how you talk about how vulnerable people feel talking about sex. It's it's, it's almost comical that it's more vulnerable to talk about sex than than the actual action of sex, because sex in and of itself is one of the one of the most sharing and vulnerable, and expressions of vulnerability in the human experience and yet, if we're not talking about it, then.

01;02;21;02 - 01;02;25;02
Seth
And what are we missing? Right. Like like what?

01;02;25;04 - 01;02;54;24
Ashlynn
Like a lot a lot of safety and a lot of pleasure. Yes. I'm not going to lie, because the more we talk about it, the safer we feel to like, even me, growing up in what I mean, my head created a lot of rigidity growing up in Christianity around sex, sexual, anything, and so for me, fantasy, any of that was just like alarms.

01;02;54;24 - 01;03;16;20
Ashlynn
That sounds dangerous. Don't do it. Don't even think about it. And fantasy had gotten my partner into a lot of painful things for me. Right. And so it just seemed scary. But the more I started talking about it, the more I started to hear my own thoughts and to, like, start to recognize this isn't so bad. I did that course.

01;03;16;20 - 01;03;45;17
Ashlynn
I told you about from doctor Jennifer Finlayson five, and she talks about how normal, mean normal is a setting on a washing machine, but how common it is for us to fantasize and not do anything about it. but fantasize. And that blew my mind interest. I could fantasize about my partner, and it's not bad. What? It sounds so silly for people who are like, what?

01;03;45;17 - 01;03;50;23
Ashlynn
But yeah, sometimes our blocks are our own selves. So true.

01;03;50;24 - 01;04;09;12
Seth
No, but coming from a dogma where, where, you know, there are very strict act laws or, prohibitions.

01;04;09;15 - 01;04;36;17
Seth
Guidelines like you can, you know, use various words, various families, various churches, various religions, exercise those in various ways. But you talked about based on fear, right? Us being afraid of. Oh, no. You know, did I do something wrong? I just I just it's interesting though. Wait a second. But let's just say that, you know, you're, we're in a, in, you know, this type of relationship that I've got with you, Stephanie.

01;04;36;19 - 01;04;42;20
Seth
And you talk about the word fantasize because and honestly, like, I'm just going to tell you I said when you said fantasy, I'm like.

01;04;42;23 - 01;04;43;16
Ashlynn

01;04;43;19 - 01;04;46;13
Seth
You know, I just like I had it like I had like.

01;04;46;16 - 01;04;48;27
Ashlynn
Well.

01;04;49;00 - 01;04;55;07
Seth
this is my that was just I'm just I'm being vulnerable here. That was my initial reaction.

01;04;55;09 - 01;04;57;13
Ashlynn

01;04;57;16 - 01;05;08;26
Seth
But on the other hand, like, wait a second, I think if we can have sex, then why couldn't we think about it?

01;05;08;29 - 01;05;09;09
Ashlynn
Yeah.

01;05;09;15 - 01;05;26;19
Seth
And like, wow, that sounds kind of exciting. Like, like, shouldn't they go hand in hand? I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just saying, it seems like how could those two truly exist without each other anyway?

01;05;26;22 - 01;05;27;11
Ashlynn
Yeah.

01;05;27;13 - 01;05;32;20
Seth
You know. I'm getting hot and bothered just talking about it.

01;05;32;21 - 01;05;38;10
Ashlynn
Just think I'll let you guys get to it.

01;05;38;12 - 01;05;41;09
Seth
Oh my goodness.

01;05;41;11 - 01;05;42;25
Ashlynn
I am actually he was awesome.

01;05;42;26 - 01;05;43;15
Seth
More because I'm.

01;05;43;15 - 01;05;46;10
Ashlynn
Like.

01;05;46;12 - 01;05;48;17
Seth
I'm crossing bridges in my own.

01;05;48;20 - 01;05;51;15
Stephanie
I know, I'm just over here smiling.

01;05;51;17 - 01;05;56;21
Seth
Just like ten years ago. Great. Ten years ago, we would have not talked about this.

01;05;56;24 - 01;05;57;13
Stephanie
That's true.

01;05;57;14 - 01;05;58;03
Seth
11 years.

01;05;58;03 - 01;05;58;11
Ashlynn
Ago.

01;05;58;13 - 01;06;02;03
Seth
That's true when we were dating. Yeah.

01;06;02;06 - 01;06;05;08
Stephanie
We've been almost married for ten years. December now.

01;06;05;08 - 01;06;10;11
Seth
We've been married for almost ten years. Not almost married. Say we, we are more than just almost ready.

01;06;10;12 - 01;06;20;04
Ashlynn
This this is another tragic identity. There, I caught it. He did all. We are married.

01;06;20;06 - 01;06;23;14
Stephanie
We've been married for almost ten years.

01;06;23;17 - 01;06;25;04
Ashlynn
Correct. Congrats.

01;06;25;06 - 01;06;43;29
Seth
Correct. Anyway, just it's a it's a subject that's near and dear to my heart again, because my own personal story and because I think of of what it can mean. And, you know what healthy sexuality and sexual sexual expression really means for us as humans as, you know, as people.

01;06;44;02 - 01;07;10;14
Ashlynn
And the exciting thing is that it's ongoing. it doesn't have to stop. Like, there's new parts of us that get unlocked. what did I just see? I saved it because it was beautiful. but she said after 40, the older I get, the more sexually liberated I become. And she talks about how women prioritize pleasure.

01;07;10;14 - 01;07;38;00
Ashlynn
The older that we get, we start to, like, wake up. Wait a second. Right. So you're lucky if you started young, but most of us don't. the older we get, the more we are willing to explore. and branch out from our most common And we just have a better understanding of our own self. in order to have a great relationship with someone else.

01;07;38;03 - 01;08;08;04
Ashlynn
And that you said, what is the other thing? The other thing that I hear most common is people say, I don't they don't know their own bodies enough to without using, another person or using a toy. But just like I'm out the I have nothing. How can you find pleasure in yourself kind of way? that is a beautiful project to explore, if you haven't already.

01;08;08;07 - 01;08;25;18
Stephanie
well, then I find that, at least for us, the more vulnerable we are, quote unquote, in the bedroom. I feel like our relationship, even blossoms outside of the bedroom.

01;08;25;21 - 01;08;26;06
Ashlynn
Absolutely.

01;08;26;09 - 01;08;28;28
Stephanie
Just everything is up leveled.

01;08;29;01 - 01;08;43;01
Ashlynn
Well, and if you're having great sex, then your all your dopamine, all these great serotonin, all these things are elevated. And so your mental health, your coping is everything's a little easier.

01;08;43;09 - 01;08;47;06
Seth
So yeah, you're right. You're, you're on the chemicals.

01;08;47;09 - 01;09;16;16
Ashlynn
Right. Like it's legit. Yeah. And I used to get frustrated and like, I really did think sex was more of a man's thing because it just seemed so easy and natural for them. And here we are, complex women, and not all of us are the same. And you really have to explore to figure out those things. And so to to open my world, to wow, we are these powerful creators of pleasure.

01;09;16;16 - 01;09;44;00
Ashlynn
And it's ongoing and never ending. And it's it's kind of a lot. And I've it where I went from, this isn't fair. Sex isn't fair for it to be a woman. It's harder, takes longer. It's so easy for someone with a penis. And yet when I finally learned about myself and really started to understand sexuality, that's healthy for me.

01;09;44;02 - 01;09;58;28
Ashlynn
it was like, oh, I am so sorry, men. Oh, we are the superior genitals. Sorry. So there you go. You can mark my words.

01;09;59;00 - 01;10;01;08
Stephanie
I see those wheels turning.

01;10;01;10 - 01;10;04;17
Seth
I'm just waiting for you to say something.

01;10;04;19 - 01;10;13;12
Stephanie
I mean, I may regret saying this, you know, on a podcast, but, I mean, in small groups, like, I'm actually okay talking about this kind of stuff, so.

01;10;13;12 - 01;10;39;01
Ashlynn
It's it's good. It's fun to do it. I want to talk more. Yeah. It's good to talk these things out with friends because we're we feel alone a lot. Or just hearing your friend today say, I like hearing this, this or this because it helps me not feel alone. This is a best friend who, in this little moment, felt alone in something that she shouldn't feel alone in.

01;10;39;04 - 01;10;40;19
Ashlynn

01;10;40;22 - 01;10;59;25
Stephanie
Definitely. I think that was one of, the biggest or eye opening things when I was going through my first marriage is going to a 12 step group for, pornography addiction. And realizing that I'm not alone in this, you know.

01;10;59;25 - 01;11;00;18
Ashlynn
For sure.

01;11;00;23 - 01;11;22;03
Stephanie
And just how powerful that was, and that once I could help others that were experienced, seeing the same thing, to realize that you are definitely not alone. The feelings, the thoughts, everything that you're going through is unfortunately common. it helps so much. So much for healing.

01;11;22;04 - 01;11;47;02
Ashlynn
Amen. So it's it's what gets us out of the stuckness. yes. I was so isolated and stuck, because I was too afraid of people knowing. So I just felt alone. It was my own fault. Dang it. But, I'll tell you what. I have this agreement with my closest inner circle where we challenge each other to not show up.

01;11;47;02 - 01;12;15;06
Ashlynn
We talk on Marco Polo a lot. because I don't live by any of my friends. Close, close. And so we share wins in our marriages, in our relationships, in our dating, instead of just the hard things. Or women often connect in the heartache and the frustrations and we're like, yeah, the yeah, yeah. And then you leave. And maybe it was fun, but you don't feel uplifted.

01;12;15;09 - 01;12;38;05
Ashlynn
And so we have an agreement that, yeah, we all have hard stuff. And if you're going to share the hard stuff, you're asking for eyes to see, I want to see this situation a little different. Help me have eyes to see. Here's what's going on. Okay. But my favorite texts or or are the ones that from my friends saying, last night we had the best sex of my life.

01;12;38;07 - 01;13;01;29
Ashlynn
and they're, they're not going into detail, but they're sharing a win that we don't normally celebrate and talk about. Who you going to? You're not going to post it on Instagram. Yeah. But it's like for so many women it is so exciting to start to find these parts of yourself, especially as we age. And we're it's like, oh my gosh, who can I share this with?

01;13;01;29 - 01;13;19;16
Ashlynn
Yeah, your partner. But also I'm going to share it with a friend. and I think it really just it builds a beautiful way of looking at the world too, of seeing more optimistic, like sad, instead of just all the things we can point out that are not working.

01;13;19;18 - 01;13;20;16
Stephanie
I don't know that I have to.

01;13;20;17 - 01;13;21;04
Ashlynn
Challenge.

01;13;21;04 - 01;13;22;16
Stephanie
Any friends to do that with.

01;13;22;16 - 01;13;42;01
Ashlynn
But you might. You don't know. I don't know, do you ask? Yeah, I honestly, I am that weird friend that I'm like, hey, you good with this? Like, can we be this for each other? and it usually is kind of awkward for the first couple, and then it's just like, heck yeah, I am so excited for you.

01;13;42;03 - 01;13;47;05
Ashlynn
And if there's words of encouragement or tips and tricks, then it's shared.

01;13;47;07 - 01;13;50;29
Seth
Get it?

01;13;51;01 - 01;13;54;19
Ashlynn
Lots of, like, fire emojis.

01;13;54;21 - 01;13;55;27
Stephanie
The hot ones.

01;13;56;00 - 01;13;58;24
Ashlynn
Yes.

01;13;58;26 - 01;14;37;00
Seth
The wheels were turning, and I was trying to think about how I wanted to capture this, in, in in communication. But to your point, Ashlyn, I have thought for the last, I'm going to say the last several years, I don't know when it started, but I have literally it's been a revelation to me, that, wow, women, sexually, women are so varied, complex, in a beautiful kind of way.

01;14;37;00 - 01;15;26;22
Seth
I mean, yeah, complex. Not in just not not convoluted or confusion, but complex in diversity and grandeur, height and depth. and I think the magnitude of pleasure, that women can experience far, far surpasses the man I really, literally does. Women are the crowning women in and of themselves. Like they have the capacity, right? Like innately. So what I mean, the for the crowning and most supernal sexual fulfillment, compared with men in that.

01;15;26;24 - 01;15;49;27
Ashlynn
It's true and you say complex and varied and it's as women, we have so many different types of climax and orgasm that we can experience. And yet the world tells us we have one, one way of reaching that. And so it's really exciting and fun when you start to unlock different parts of you and men, you have more.

01;15;49;29 - 01;15;51;18
Seth
Great. I'm on.

01;15;51;18 - 01;15;53;23
Ashlynn
I have a couple I'm on a couple more.

01;15;53;29 - 01;16;11;04
Seth
I'm glad to be who I am. I know who I am, I'm glad to be a man. but I'm just saying that I have had that realization, you know, as as an adult man, and I just, I think how beautiful, honestly it is.

01;16;11;04 - 01;16;19;15
Ashlynn
And that is a great way to look at it. I feel like you get to be. You can be a part of that beauty. Yeah.

01;16;19;17 - 01;16;22;03
Seth
I'm saying be up here.

01;16;22;09 - 01;16;23;21
Ashlynn

01;16;23;23 - 01;16;26;07
Seth
As you wish.

01;16;26;10 - 01;16;30;05
Ashlynn
Okay. The.

01;16;30;07 - 01;16;56;19
Seth
But I think it's a beautiful thing I truly, I like I look at it as this, like, I don't know if draws me back honestly to, you know, I, I was up in the mountains today and just in Mother Earth and the complexity of life and just incredible this. And that's really how I, I just I've, you know, I've, I've come to learn that, you know, as your husband.

01;16;56;21 - 01;16;59;11
Stephanie
I love it.

01;16;59;13 - 01;17;00;18
Ashlynn
Yeah.

01;17;00;21 - 01;17;15;16
Stephanie
I love it. I don't think I've ever heard the complexity of women be spoken. So beautifully and uplifting. You know, usually it's demeaning. Not not for me.

01;17;15;19 - 01;17;16;24
Seth
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women are.

01;17;16;24 - 01;17;25;07
Stephanie
Yeah, yeah. Oh, you have too many emotions or you have, you know, too much this or you know. Anyways, so yeah, I just really enjoyed.

01;17;25;09 - 01;17;27;06
Ashlynn
I enjoyed that.

01;17;27;08 - 01;17;30;14
Seth
I'll put it on, I'll put it on a greeting card.

01;17;30;16 - 01;17;30;22
Ashlynn
Good.

01;17;30;23 - 01;17;34;09
Stephanie
I do have to get a giant lens.

01;17;34;11 - 01;17;41;12
Seth
All right. We're coming to that. But, you you are an entrepreneur, Ashlyn. And I think I think.

01;17;41;14 - 01;17;42;23
Ashlynn
I'm.

01;17;42;26 - 01;18;11;17
Seth
We love to cover financial self-care on the show because we're really outside of maybe spirituality. Like the big three when it comes to self-care, mind, body and mind, body and money. Right. And and more so today than a generation ago, because it's more prevalent today. It's more it's it's you know, we have we have more single women than we ever have, more single moms than we ever have more professional women.

01;18;11;18 - 01;18;17;14
Seth
You know, women think, you know, single by choice, etc., right? Single, but not by choice. Like.

01;18;17;16 - 01;18;18;29
Ashlynn
Yeah, yeah, but.

01;18;19;01 - 01;18;28;16
Seth
maybe, maybe, maybe a thought or two or a question or two before we wrap up today. Just on your perspective from a financial standpoint, is that cool?

01;18;28;18 - 01;18;29;27
Ashlynn
Yeah. Just.

01;18;29;29 - 01;18;36;03
Stephanie
what are some common financial challenges or obstacles that women face and how can they address them?

01;18;36;08 - 01;19;09;10
Ashlynn
I don't I don't talk about finances with my clients hardly ever. So I don't actually know what like a generalized feeling is. there's a lot of fear around money for women, as specially if they have been taken care of. And for me, I have taken care of myself within marriage and now outside of marriage. And it is more fearful for me to let my partner now step in.

01;19;09;13 - 01;19;19;22
Ashlynn
And so I just say it this sounds scary to let you pay for this, and I will let you think you. Yeah. That's because I'm still working through it.

01;19;19;24 - 01;19;20;24
Stephanie
That's great.

01;19;20;26 - 01;19;43;13
Seth
Yeah. That's beautiful. what are key financial principles. And as an entrepreneur, as somebody you know, extremely, well-versed, well experienced in, you know, building businesses, providing financially what are the key financial principles and habits that women should prioritize, should prioritize for long term success?

01;19;43;15 - 01;20;14;29
Ashlynn
I don't feel like an expert at all. I often and thinking how am I even running this business? but I think a lot of us are feeling like we don't know what we're doing, and it works. Yeah, but I hire the people around me that actually know how to do the bookkeeping and who can do my taxes and who can help, me do projections of, like, I need to do this amount of work in order for me to reach these goals.

01;20;15;02 - 01;20;34;23
Ashlynn
And so I have hired people in my life to help me navigate that. again, I it's not a ton of money that I'm outsourcing. It's very small. but it's allows me the headspace to actually go and and deal with it. It's not my expertise.

01;20;34;29 - 01;20;41;22
Seth
I love that, and I think that's important. I think that in and of itself is is a hurdle to overcome.

01;20;41;25 - 01;21;02;11
Ashlynn
1,000%, even for me to hire people to run groups for me was really hard because I, my business is my name and my story. And here I am saying they're coming to me with trust and they say, okay, now you're going to go with her, and you don't know her, but she's awesome and safe, and I trust her.

01;21;02;14 - 01;21;34;21
Ashlynn
and they go and that was really terrifying for me at first because it's my voice offering it, and then it's someone else. Voice delivering it, and it's been the most beautiful experience because these women are so capable and they have different perspectives and so it's been fabulous. And I if I could hire more of the women I've mentored, I would but yeah, it's the fear of like, I can't let these things go.

01;21;34;22 - 01;21;40;05
Ashlynn
I'm the only one who can do it. No, they can do a better than me most of the time.

01;21;40;07 - 01;21;46;16
Stephanie
If people are interested in reaching out to you, finding your course or your groups or anything, where can they find you?

01;21;46;18 - 01;22;10;24
Ashlynn
Yeah. If you just go to this is Ashlyn and it's Ashley and Incom. I do have there's like, how to work through triggers freebie you can grab, but I offer mentoring one on, not one on one small group settings for after betrayal after divorce. Women around the world join me. All different. Like join from your car, join from your closet, take a break at lunch.

01;22;10;24 - 01;22;46;13
Ashlynn
Doesn't matter. and then I in 2025. Is that 2025? That sounded weird. In 2025, I will be bringing you back my in-person retreats here in Utah. And so that's exciting. That is something I absolutely love. They are a combination of healing and fun, and it's kind of more fun. so, a lot of women are just missing out on that and, and want it back, you know, that playfulness that we have lost in motherhood or careers or whatever.

01;22;46;15 - 01;22;55;09
Ashlynn
And so that's really fun. And then I have my online, gathering that will be coming out, periodically starting in August.

01;22;55;12 - 01;22;56;18
Seth
Rock and roll. Thank you Ashlyn.

01;22;56;21 - 01;23;00;14
Ashlynn
Thank you. Yeah. So I mean you guys are great.

01;23;00;16 - 01;23;04;12
Seth
And cut. It's a wrap.

01;23;04;14 - 01;23;19;16
Stephanie
Thank you so much for being here today. And thank you for sharing this episode with that one friend who needs this conversation. Thank you for all the ratings, the reviews, the comments, and especially the support. We so appreciate you.

01;23;19;18 - 01;23;33;19
Seth
Now, if you want to take a peek behind the curtain and be the first to know about special previews, backstage updates here at the show, and especially some private collection content that doesn't come out in the regular show.

01;23;33;22 - 01;23;38;17
Stephanie
Be sure to join our VIP community at the Forever Young Shokan.

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