00;00;05;10 - 00;00;06;23 Stephanie Hi, I'm Stephanie.

00;00;06;26 - 00;00;17;16 Seth I'm Seth, and this is the Forever Young show. The most powerful force in this world is a woman who knows who she is, why? She is here, and what she wants to accomplish.

00;00;17;16 - 00;00;24;04 Stephanie And that's where self-care comes in. As a woman, it is my opportunity and my responsibility to take care of me.

00;00;24;10 - 00;00;25;28 Seth Self-care for your mind.

00;00;26;05 - 00;00;27;15 Stephanie Self-care for your body.

00;00;27;22 - 00;00;29;02 Seth Self-care for your money.

00;00;29;08 - 00;00;37;19 Stephanie Our mission is to serve women as they fulfill their irreplaceable roles and families. Society. Business. The fabric of humanity.

00;00;37;21 - 00;00;41;13 Seth So let's get this show on the road.

00;00;41;16 - 00;00;51;25 Stephanie Shawn Johnson is 40 years old from Phoenix, Arizona, who is passionate about fitness, nutrition, and modalities that promote healing within the bodies from a mind, body and soul perspective.

00;00;51;29 - 00;01;01;01 Seth She believes her life has been beautiful and only gets better and better, as it really is all about the stories we tell ourselves and how we take care of ourselves.

00;01;01;04 - 00;01;12;29 Stephanie Her motto is the mask becomes the message. Shawn's personal journey includes recovering from domestic violence, abuse, heartbreak, dating and just life. Such an honor to have you with us, Shawn. Thank you so.

00;01;12;29 - 00;01;15;23 Shaun Much. Grateful to be here. Thank you for asking me to be here.

00;01;15;25 - 00;01;33;16 Seth Well, Stephanie, you know, followed you and your story. Obviously, we've we've known you for years, get the opportunity to work with you in the entrepreneurial space. But she she really came and said, hey, I think we need to have Shawn Johnson on the show. And so I think it's a real treat. Anybody who's listening, this is a real treat.

00;01;33;16 - 00;01;50;13 Seth And so we're we're going to jump. We're in the diving board and the deep end. We're not we're not we're not doing this tip toe thing. And today I heard this from, from a women's conference. I wasn't at the women's conference, but but who knows? Hey, look, I'm here on the show.

00;01;50;16 - 00;01;52;09 Shaun It's men that go to women's conferences.

00;01;52;11 - 00;01;53;17 Stephanie Yeah, true.

00;01;53;19 - 00;02;16;08 Seth Sometimes I will say men who know, men who are in the vibe, men who want to support and champion women. Right. And, fulfill our roles, you know, and help in that. It might be a benefit, as you, you know, step in and fulfill your roles fully. But anyway, I was reviewing some, some content from this women's conference, and this absolutely rocked my world.

00;02;16;10 - 00;02;37;10 Seth Having worked with women pretty much my entire life. So imagine, you know, a large conference center of women. And the speaker says, everybody's handed a piece of paper and a pen, and the speaker says, all right, from your own personal experience, if you have ever. And then they'll go through a number of experiences. Write that down or put an X on the on the paper.

00;02;37;10 - 00;02;59;29 Seth Right. And then they proceed to go through some of the most traumatic experiences that a woman might experience in this life. If you have if you ever experienced sexual abuse from a family member or whatever. Now take that paper and pass it to the right seven spaces. If you ever experienced rape, put an ax and pass it to the left.

00;02;59;29 - 00;03;21;22 Seth 23 you know 23 people. If you've ever experienced any a host of other problems domestic violence, abuse. And so they went through a number of these of these situations and experiences that women had. And they did it in such a way that you might be holding a piece of paper that had a number of X's on it, but you didn't know who those belonged to.

00;03;21;23 - 00;03;37;20 Seth Then they said, all right, now we're going to start back at the top of that list. If you're holding a paper that has, you know, an X in this spot, I want you to stand up. And so then they went through all of those situations again. If you if you experienced domestic violence, please stand up and all of these women started standing up.

00;03;37;21 - 00;03;54;29 Seth Now it wasn't necessarily the woman who experienced it. It was a woman who was vicariously standing up and standing out and said, for that person who did experience and saying, yes, I did, I'm representing. And they went through this, you know, and you can imagine what's happening in that in that room as women are standing up being that representative.

00;03;55;02 - 00;03;55;16 Shaun Yeah.

00;03;55;19 - 00;04;24;05 Seth This story just riveted me because I never really thought of it in that way. Healing. Obviously, it could have been healing for women to be able to to, in a very discreet way, be represented. But it just made me think about all the crap women, women they may have experienced in life from a very young age. And so today, as we so we get to have a real intimate conversation with you, but not vicariously.

00;04;24;11 - 00;04;47;24 Seth Right? We're going to talk about your experiences and while just let us thank you in advance personally for who you are, because we get to work with you. You know, I would have never thought I would have never known. Right? and behind the smile and and the light that emanates from you, behind that, there are caverns of experience.

00;04;47;26 - 00;05;03;20 Seth So let's let's dive in, and and be able to, to provide some of that healing for women who, who have walked a mile, you know, in the shoes that you have. Can you take us back 24 years old? And what leads up to that? Where were you?

00;05;03;23 - 00;05;22;17 Shaun Let's go. Yeah. So all right. I was 21, I met I was in acting at the time, and I met a man. I auditioned for his film, which he had already cast, and he ended up writing me a role in it, but then it was also his way to pursue me in that process. So I kept going.

00;05;22;17 - 00;05;42;15 Shaun Nope. He's too old. He was 12 years older than me. He was 33. I was 21. And he kept pursuing and something about that pursuit and, eventually, I caved and I went on a date with him. And this point, we were already in rehearsals for the movie and whatnot from there. You know, he was the white knight.

00;05;42;15 - 00;06;11;20 Shaun He remembered everything. He was taking me to extravagant dates and seemed to be so caring and present and open and successful and all the things and and I'm going to caveat and say that there aren't beautiful relationships that start off that way and have those characteristics, but there are little two millimeter differences. There are little differences. And we can all talk about that for women who understanding that distinction, where that differences.

00;06;11;20 - 00;06;38;16 Shaun So anyway and we moved really fast within one month he proposed which, you know, was very fast and he hadn't even met my family or anything. For me, marriage is a big deal. So I said yes. And then it was, I'm not going to back away from it and just know again, I have an aunt who got engaged in two weeks, and they've been happily married for close to 40 years, but there is another there again, that little, little switch there for him.

00;06;38;19 - 00;07;00;24 Shaun This is also a tactic that is done by narcissist, by abusers. It's a way to pull you in and lock you in early so that talking about it against the world, we have something special. I want you for the rest of my life and not claiming. And he even had me wear ring early on and again it was his way to claim me.

00;07;00;24 - 00;07;18;03 Shaun And then I felt like an idiot if I backed out type of thing. But I was still crazy into it. And then there's a thing called love bombing, which I later learned. I'm saying this early on as I talk about this, weaving it in, but just that I have to talk to you now. I have to be with you.

00;07;18;03 - 00;07;34;22 Shaun Like, there was this almost like, obsession and had to be a part of everything. I also realized there was I didn't have room to breathe, and I lost my autonomy pretty quick. But I was also very young, and he. So, So anyway, so it was.

00;07;34;22 - 00;07;38;08 Seth About can I can I ask a quick question?

00;07;38;11 - 00;07;39;06 Shaun Yes.

00;07;39;09 - 00;07;57;27 Seth Because you two know a lot more about all this kind of stuff than I do. Steph's always talking to me about like she's listening to the story and she's like, yeah, because she knows all this stuff, right? Yeah. These terms and, and whatnot. Do you want to explain to people between the two of you ladies? All right.

00;07;58;00 - 00;07;59;29 Seth What is love bombing?

00;08;00;04 - 00;08;22;28 Shaun Love bombing? It is inundation and grand gestures of its ass against the world. I saying I love you very quick, I claim you. That's part of that engaging very early on. It's constantly, I miss you, I want you, can I talk to you? And it's this like they they're desperate. They need it. But in it, it's like I'm being pursued.

00;08;23;01 - 00;08;48;01 Shaun Disney has made us believe that these princes have to work really hard and pursue us. So here we are. Oh, this man is heavily pursuing me. Okay. You know, so there there is part of that where Disney has failed us in that way, which, but yeah, it's just and it's like text message, like I'm thinking about you, I want and then and it's you can't even go an hour without receiving a message of, I need to talk to you or what are you doing?

00;08;48;01 - 00;09;01;08 Shaun Where are you going? Or, you know, and you just learn to like, I can't be without this phone, but. And that leads into a whole other thing. So that's how I'm kind of in one way. And Steph, go ahead and describe if there's anything I missed or another way to describe it.

00;09;01;13 - 00;09;20;04 Stephanie I guess to me it's just, you know, bombing you with lots of love. Yeah. It's their way of, like you said, having that attachment with you and having that control because they just give you so much love. You're going to question anything else that they do that's out of that context of the love.

00;09;20;05 - 00;09;22;10 Shaun Yes. I'm glad you said that. Yes.

00;09;22;17 - 00;09;26;28 Seth So the love and I, I have a hard time saying love because it doesn't there's.

00;09;27;05 - 00;09;28;02 Stephanie No it's not love.

00;09;28;02 - 00;09;36;02 Seth Not love like like when you understand underlying the underlying behaviors and motives, you realize that that's selfishness.

00;09;36;05 - 00;09;43;20 Stephanie It's destructive like a bomb. But they do it with love so that you don't realize what the bomb is doing and how.

00;09;43;20 - 00;09;58;15 Shaun Yeah, how could you think of anybody else because they're inundating you the whole time. So you're like, how could I? And then they have this fear that you'll leave them. So they just love bombing you even more. So instead of just coming to, you know, coming together like are we good for each other. Let's see where this goes.

00;09;58;15 - 00;10;03;18 Shaun Let's have a healthy pace and it's not a thing for them. They want claim quick.

00;10;03;20 - 00;10;40;17 Seth I would say I feel like over the last 1015 years, at least from my perspective, that we, we are starting to come out and talk about narcissism a lot. It's in the psychology. It's left from, it's left the the clinical and kind of the psychology realm and come out into the open. But I feel still even even myself, we've had lots of lots of discussions that people don't necessarily understand what narcissism is or the tactics or women who maybe are married to narcissists.

00;10;40;20 - 00;10;41;26 Seth They that's.

00;10;42;02 - 00;10;46;03 Stephanie Or, you know, the women that are narcissists, there are some out there.

00;10;46;05 - 00;10;46;25 Shaun True as.

00;10;46;28 - 00;11;00;21 Seth Well. You know, I hear a lot about children now, adults, you know, in their 30s or their 40s of the 50s talking about, oh, yeah, I was raised by a narcissistic parent. We didn't talk about that when I was growing up. You know, I didn't even know.

00;11;00;23 - 00;11;01;15 Stephanie Really what it was.

00;11;01;15 - 00;11;17;08 Seth What it was, you know, and, and, and I guess I just, I just appreciate your perspective. But I think it's also important for women to understand so they can see signs, but at the same time also realize, like, I, I'm, I feel like I'm a pretty loving guy. I feel like I pursued you.

00;11;17;13 - 00;11;36;09 Stephanie Yes. But what she was saying is that he was super attached to her and claiming her. You did not do that to me. You gave me my freedom. Like even even Sean. Even on the day that we were supposed to get married. I'm with my girlfriends. We all stayed up at a cabin. I was getting ready. Makeup, hair, you know, the whole work.

00;11;36;11 - 00;11;58;26 Stephanie And then I call him and I tell him I was like, please pray for me. I'm having so much anxiety with this, which is so interesting, because that whole time that we were dating, I did not have that at all. On the day we were getting married, I did and it was very strong and but I came to myself and, you know, really reflected on it all and prayed to God.

00;11;58;26 - 00;12;17;04 Stephanie And I was like, I know this is not God is the Satan. He's trying to stop this because he knows this is going to be a very powerful union. And so I called Seth and I was just like, I just pray for me. I'm feeling really anxious. Yeah. And he said, Stephanie, I love you. If this is not good for you, we don't have to get married.

00;12;17;10 - 00;12;20;18 Shaun The I wouldn't say that. No, they have not.

00;12;20;19 - 00;12;39;15 Stephanie I was driving to the temple to get married and he said that to me like a narcissist would not. I said, shut up, Seth, we're getting married. I just need you to pray for me, which I actually do not. I do not say that very often, but I was just like, just stop, okay? We're getting married. I just need two prayers.

00;12;39;18 - 00;12;40;27 Shaun Yes.

00;12;40;29 - 00;12;57;29 Stephanie And then again, just before we went to the altar, I was, you know, kind of like, anxious with my, my leg. And I'm like, okay, pray again, please. I'm just feeling anxious. I know this is right. I'm just it's like Stephanie again. Like, I just want you to be happy. I love you. And you know, if that means that we don't get married, then if that's what's best.

00;12;57;29 - 00;13;04;02 Stephanie And I'm like, stop. We're getting married. Like a narcissist would not do that. So, honey, what?

00;13;04;02 - 00;13;15;07 Shaun You're backing out. It would be a reverse manipulation. What? You're backing out? I'm not good enough. Absolutely. And then you're on the defense and fighting. That's what they want. They on the defense and fighting for them. And the relationship.

00;13;15;10 - 00;13;16;01 Stephanie Yes.

00;13;16;04 - 00;13;30;06 Seth How interesting. That must have been at 21. Again coming coming from different environment really. And I think I think the age difference right. I mean there are nine years between me and stuff that that's different when you're 21.

00;13;30;08 - 00;13;54;04 Shaun yeah. No it was, it was different. And I grew up in a loving family. I had a beautiful childhood. I look back and there was definitely, like, out of protection because of the people that I know that are connected to this person, I will just say there was someone that was close to our family who was a pedophile and who tried to do different things to me.

00;13;54;07 - 00;14;14;27 Shaun and it started at an early age, so there was other little things. But overall I had a beautiful, connected family. We all have our own little workings, but all five of my our of us kids are all super close. And there's spouses and kids. You know, my parents, all of us who live in Arizona, we live out a three mile radius of each other.

00;14;14;27 - 00;14;33;11 Shaun We love each other deeply. So I had a beautiful childhood, you know, and then in high school, I dated, not I probably he was a narcissist, but he was young and I was strong enough to leave it early enough. but yeah, hitting 21, I just it was it, I, I didn't know again, we didn't have the, the internet.

00;14;33;11 - 00;14;45;15 Shaun I mean it was, but it wasn't what it is today where everything's just so in your face and didn't kind of see it coming. So right into it and in love and all that.

00;14;45;18 - 00;14;49;25 Stephanie When was the first time, do you remember when you heard the term narcissist?

00;14;49;26 - 00;15;14;29 Shaun It was long after the relationship was over. Yeah, it was years, actually. I couldn't tell you the first time I had heard of it. And I think today it's that it's thrown around. I think a lot of people are using it willy nilly for good people that are not that or, you know, I again, I'll protect the timeline, but, you know, like you and I, Stafford talked about, but I'll protect the timeline and the people involved.

00;15;14;29 - 00;15;38;29 Shaun But, following that relationship, I had ended up in a relationship with somebody who I wouldn't say he was a narcissist, but he had narcissistic tendencies. There were qualities. And some of that, like I need you and texting and, you know, a lot of a lot of the love forming and then reverse flipping the script on me. And then it was my fault for their behavior and stuff like that.

00;15;38;29 - 00;15;59;05 Shaun So anyway, so to say that I think it's thrown around or there's just people that aren't happy or didn't get what they want and they're calling their husband or their spouse a narcissist. So I think that's unfortunate. But yeah, I think it was years later when I learned of the term. But I was learning. I learned what an abuser meant.

00;15;59;07 - 00;15;59;25 Shaun I learned all that.

00;15;59;27 - 00;16;07;12 Seth Was there a time as this as as you're as you're being bombed with love or narcissistic love.

00;16;07;15 - 00;16;07;23 Shaun And.

00;16;08;00 - 00;16;11;16 Seth That's qualify it. But did it feel good? Like, oh.

00;16;11;21 - 00;16;29;03 Shaun Of course I'm going to be pursued and to be wanted and adored and all the things that I like to have those remembered and done, you know, like little things that I'd say and all of a sudden that was a date night. It was like, whoa, he remembered. So nice. But again, healthy relationships can offer the same thing.

00;16;29;06 - 00;16;35;02 Shaun So I have to. It's learning that distinction of when it's not okay, when it's full of red flags.

00;16;35;02 - 00;16;50;13 Seth And I appreciate this discussion because narcissism is thrown around so much today, like you said, willy nilly. So there you are, 21 proposal, right? Hasn't met your family, but you're are you feeling great and totally invested in thinking, this is awesome, I am.

00;16;50;13 - 00;17;15;05 Shaun There was a little voice in the back of my mind. It was like, something's weird about this, but I just overrode it again. We have we have our little Jiminy Cricket Cricket, and there's a book, The Gift of Fear, which I'll talk about later, that I'm super passionate about. that was a big help for me. But the gift of fear, that's that gift of our instinct that listening to that and I, there were a lot of different points along the way that I completely ignored when I look back.

00;17;15;05 - 00;17;25;08 Shaun But I did the override and this is great. Everyone's going to love it and blah blah, blah. So yeah, I had the little, little voice in my head that was like me.

00;17;25;11 - 00;17;30;15 Seth Okay, so you're loving it. Take us there. After a month, a month long dating, and now we're,

00;17;30;17 - 00;17;49;00 Shaun We're engaged. Quiet engagement can let people know. But then. And then I had to tell people was a promise ring, because when we couldn't quite tell people we were engaged, but that some people we could. It was weird. There was all these weird rules, and I was just like, oh, whatever, I'm with him. So probably about six months in, I don't quite remember our first fight.

00;17;49;03 - 00;18;07;20 Shaun I just remember I do remember I went into full trauma, trigger response. Even my roommates were like, because as a senior in college, like, what is going on with you? One brought me a Xanax, and I was I was hyperventilating. I was like, this is the end of us. Like, I was like an addict. And they've proven.

00;18;07;20 - 00;18;24;27 Shaun So I'll say this to this is what I later learned about abuse. The highs are so high and the lows are so low. And we had already had we had already started to have that by this point. but I don't know if this was our first. It was like our first big fight, but we had a lot of weird little things where he was slowly grabbing a hold of me.

00;18;24;29 - 00;18;38;07 Shaun but the highs are so high and the lows are so low. It screws with your dopamine and serotonin in your brain, where you get where it matches that of a drug addict and totally screws you up and you become addicted to it. Even though we we don't want it, we don't want to be a part of that.

00;18;38;07 - 00;19;10;14 Shaun But you just you want to do everything to calm it down, get back to level and happy again because it's so high and intense. Yeah, we remember we had our first and that was the first time I ever took Xanax. My friend. Man, my roommates were like, you need this. Calm down. And then, they all started to pick up on things and noticing that I was morphing to what he wanted and just doing what he wanted, doing the things he wanted it.

00;19;10;16 - 00;19;25;17 Shaun If we he started to go, well, it's I, you know, one of my exes was a part of my college group of friends, and he got really jealous of him and was upset that he was a part of the group. And started going on their weird and this. And I don't want to hang out with them. Why do you want to hang out with them?

00;19;25;17 - 00;19;48;23 Shaun And it was like, I don't okay, all right. They're my friends, but I'll just make you happy. And then eventually that happiness and his comfort, it took me away from my friends. And then I just noticed there was something not right in me. And I just started to get more and more quiet. And I'm a very vibrant, lively person, you know?

00;19;48;23 - 00;20;06;08 Shaun I mean, I can be have my quiet moments. So it's not to say when people see me quiet or sitting there, it doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm just taking. I'm enjoying the peace. And so it took me on kind of a wild ride, or all of a sudden my friends were starting to go, you're different around him. We don't like him.

00;20;06;10 - 00;20;28;01 Shaun Are you sure you want to be with him like he said this or did this? And that was weird. And the way you're responding, it doesn't seem healthy. And. But now I'm still engaged. I'm fighting for this relationship. So then I start pulling back and protecting what was there. but there was just. And it was almost it's kind of wild.

00;20;28;01 - 00;20;50;05 Shaun It's all of a sudden you just there's like a flip where you go, wait a second. Things are weird. You know, where some of his fights, where he would just. He started locking me out of the house like my own home, and I couldn't get in. And then it was like, you know, that I turn into that person, like, banging on the door, like, can I get in my own home?

00;20;50;07 - 00;21;18;21 Shaun You know, instead of just going, hey, this is weird. This is not a behavior I want by. It was put me in this, like, fight to calm him down or he would get super escalated and start throwing things. And it was all about calming him down. Or another thing is we had we had dogs. He had his dog that he had when I met him, and then we had adopted a Great Dane or the Great Dane bonded with me and he thought that I love the dog more than him.

00;21;18;23 - 00;21;27;19 Shaun And so he started throwing rocks at him when he was in the backyard. And I should have left them, and I didn't.

00;21;27;21 - 00;21;29;05 Seth you were married by this time?

00;21;29;07 - 00;21;48;22 Shaun No. We never got married. No. Okay. We just engaged for three years. Engaged? Yes. Never got married. He's threatened by the dog because I love the dog more than him. And there was just a there. There's a lot of a lot of moments. I look back and then I remember it was a lot of emotional abuse first towards me.

00;21;48;22 - 00;22;09;17 Shaun So the dog actually came later. but there was a lot of emotional abuse where suddenly I was, Who are you texting? What are you doing? Who? Who's on your phone? And then checking my phone? I worked at a call center type, so I'd have to answer the phone and let it sit there so he could hear a call.

00;22;09;19 - 00;22;28;18 Shaun Otherwise, in his head, I was cheating on him. Meanwhile, he was cheating on me with strippers and everyone on their mother behind my back. But. But I had to have my phone there the whole time. I found it all. I found a lot, a little bit later, but, he just started questioning me and was like, I'm not doing anything but it was constantly, who you going with, rag on?

00;22;28;25 - 00;22;45;16 Shaun You're wearing makeup. Why are you wearing makeup? Who are you trying to impress? Oh, you're dressed too nice. Why are you dressed that nice? So it was just this, like, game of control, like, okay, fine, I will go out without makeup. I will go out without dressing up. And then my, you know, then it started my my sister and my mom, they're like, you're looking like a schoolmarm.

00;22;45;18 - 00;23;07;29 Shaun Who is what? What's happening here? You don't look like yourself. And. And I just had to smile and nod and be like, I'm just comfortable. I don't know, I just make up crap. There's even one story. I'll dive into a specific story. We went to Texas to visit his cousin, and he packed for me. He had packed my clothes and what I was going to wear.

00;23;08;01 - 00;23;31;03 Shaun It's now Paso, Texas. Have you ever been to El Paso? Like the dress iest you get is maybe a nice shirt. And he dresses right. There's no he dressed like I was going to be. So why he packed me I remember I had I had black pants on and then he packed me this midriff. And I've always been into fitness, so I was always a decent shape.

00;23;31;03 - 00;23;50;15 Shaun But he packed a midriff for me. And, you know, I had this silver chain belt like I should have it. That's something you wear in Vegas and that's not something I wear on a regular basis. I'm in jeans and t shirt type girl like I don't. It was way out of my comfort zone. And when, we got dressed and come down, everyone is in jeans, including him.

00;23;50;18 - 00;24;09;11 Shaun But I'm dressed the way I am and I go, oh, I would like to change. I'm very uncomfortable. You also had a club and so I was dressed for that. And now I'm like, I don't want to do it. Well, then he gets mad that I'm upset and uncomfortable. Instead he's why are you why are you making a scene?

00;24;09;15 - 00;24;28;22 Shaun Why are you, saying that out loud? Like everyone's now questioning you and questioning me just where it just went and just fighting with me the whole time. So we get the car, and the whole time, I'm just, like, cringing. I'm like, doing this with my hands, like, can't sleep together. Like, together. And I don't know if you can hear my poor dog.

00;24;28;22 - 00;24;40;11 Shaun She's I've, she's run in, she's blind. She runs into things. Oh, oh or things. She gets his coughing attacks but she's happy and healthy thanks to grateful.

00;24;40;11 - 00;24;44;21 Seth That she's got we've we've made space for her on the show today. So that is that is your dog.

00;24;44;24 - 00;25;10;19 Shaun Sorry. She's having a moment. She's get though. anyway, so back to the story. So I we get to this this nightclub that is like a hole in the wall bar style thing. We walk in and we find a table, and he's like, you stay here, I'll go get drinks. So I'm sitting there. And by this point, I had learned not to make eye contact with any man, not smile.

00;25;10;19 - 00;25;17;21 Shaun And I'm that person that acknowledges and says, hi. It's not a flirtation, it is a genuine hi. I want your smile smiling.

00;25;17;21 - 00;25;29;18 Stephanie What it just brought me back to when Seth and I met on the dance floor. And he's always like, do you remember when I looked at you? And he smiled? Oh, like, I'm sorry, I don't. I smile at everybody like, yeah.

00;25;29;21 - 00;25;33;12 Seth Because that wasn't special for me.

00;25;33;15 - 00;25;53;18 Shaun I love it, it is now. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I love it. But yeah, that's my normal personality is I, you know, smile can change the world like I, I like to do that, I like. So anyway so I just learned I'm just sitting there quietly. I'm pretty stoic. I'm side I'm assuming that I'm having to wear what I'm wearing.

00;25;53;18 - 00;26;20;17 Shaun I feel like I'm drawing a lot of attention and that is not where I wanted to be and don't didn't like attention. And, he comes over. So by this point, people start to fill the table and one guy comes up to me. He's still not he's still from afar. And what I learned as he was watching. So one guy comes up and like, he told me that and this one guy comes up and he's like, Will you smile for me?

00;26;20;19 - 00;26;37;01 Shaun You are beautiful and you need a smile. And so I was like, I didn't even look at it. I said, thanks, and just kept looking. He's like, no, seriously, you need a smile. It's okay. And, and I said, thank you, I appreciate it. Please go. And I just went back and then the guy was like, okay.

00;26;37;01 - 00;27;01;01 Shaun And so he leaves. Well, then now and now he's he's be lining to me. What did you say? What did he what did you do to attract that man? I go, you dressed me like this and brought me to a club and left me alone. I'm sorry. I'm like, what? And then now this point, it's filled and I, I this story, I actually haven't ever told the story.

00;27;01;01 - 00;27;19;23 Shaun So it's funny that this is coming out today, but it needed to come out today. The table starts to fill and people it's people are all dancing. But there was just one I guess one man, he was probably maybe in his 80s and he was dancing by himself. The biggest smile on his face. And the whole time I was staring at him, I was like, I want to be that guy.

00;27;20;00 - 00;27;42;13 Shaun I want to be that free. and, so he he's grilling me about that guy that came up and did anybody else come talk to me? And I'm just sitting there. Just. Nope. I'm just answering his questions, not even looking at him, because I know I'm going to burst into tears and trying to hold it together. And his cousin even starts to join.

00;27;42;19 - 00;28;02;04 Shaun And I didn't know this till later. His cousin picked up on what was happening. He now the music's really loud and he says to me, he goes, you better keep a smile on that face while I tell you what's next. And I go, okay. And so I'm smiling is fake laugh. And he's walking me through when to fake laugh and when to smile.

00;28;02;07 - 00;28;26;20 Shaun He says, you are the ugliest thing I've ever seen. I could have been with a model and I'm said, I chose you. You and you're attracting all these people. This is pitiful. You're pathetic. Oh, no, don't start crying. Just keep a smile on your face. Keep laughing. And I had to fake laugh and smile. And I just kept my eyes shut because I knew my eyes would tell the story.

00;28;26;20 - 00;28;41;20 Shaun So I just kept looking down. I didn't want or I shot or looking down. So I didn't want people to hear it. And then he gets up and then he leaves again. And I'm just sitting there and just trying to gather myself, and then I'm just staring at that man and going, I want to be that man. I want to be free.

00;28;41;23 - 00;29;00;05 Shaun I want to be free again. I have I, I don't know what that feels like right now. I was that way before I met him, but I that was a moment that I realized I had completely lost that side of myself. it took a long time for her to come back. but. And I remember leaving later, and I had it.

00;29;00;05 - 00;29;27;12 Shaun I had to really learn. Like what? The post that I shared that led us to being on this, on this post today of learning how to hide behind my smile and hide behind my laugh. It was one of those moments where, why I did that post is because all the stuff with Diddy and Cassie and, you know, and there's, Micah that, Micah, Williams I think she's there's that speculation of her husband and all the signs read towards him being that.

00;29;27;12 - 00;29;45;09 Shaun And it's really hard with the with the autopsy said so it's like, oh, yeah, I think the family should challenge that one. But anyway, so a lot of that coming up. And that's what makes this conversation so relevant because people are going through it. But learning to hide behind the smile and going, this is what domestic violence looks like, is you don't.

00;29;45;09 - 00;30;09;25 Shaun It's not always you don't see the bruises. You don't. It's and and there's so much this is before he turned physical. So there was never any physical bruises yet. So this is all the emotional abuse that had led up to this point. So people look for the battered, bruised side. And it's important to know, like people can look beautiful and happy and they have a whole story behind them.

00;30;09;25 - 00;30;28;04 Shaun And I just think that was really important to say. And so, that part of that was really that was a survival tactic for me to learn how to smile and laugh and hold it together. And then even when we were leaving the club, one of, his friends, he had said, you need to get away from him.

00;30;28;04 - 00;30;49;01 Shaun You're in danger. And I was thank you. And I just. And then somebody acknowledging and seeing it, that's when you start to cry. It's easy when people don't see it because it's easier to keep that match. You know, it's when people hug you and see you. That's when we lose it. So at least I do. And he he saw me and he saw the situation.

00;30;49;03 - 00;31;06;14 Shaun And, I just thank you, thank you. And I had to get it together so that by the time we got through the crowd and he looked in my eyes, I didn't have tears in my eyes. And I worked through it and got dried up again. And he never knew that that was sad or or whatnot. So, yeah.

00;31;06;14 - 00;31;28;15 Shaun Gosh, I haven't told that story. this is one of those moments where it's not he didn't hit me, but he did with words. And that's just so twisted to have someone down to smile. Oh no, don't cry. Just fake laugh. And he he never raised his voice. This is Seuss. Just saying this all in a calm voice.

00;31;28;17 - 00;31;51;05 Shaun And I had to hold it together. but that it was just powerful to understand that that was a moment where I knew that something was up. And then the first time it turned physical. So we were together two and a half years, no hitting, no, no physical. It was all words or like the locking me out of things or the bedroom or, there was some sexual abuse.

00;31;51;05 - 00;32;12;00 Shaun There was, I guess that's physical. just a little different. But that got worse later. But it was the last six months when the first shutoff came and it was we were watching football and then there was a walkway behind the couch, and I don't quite remember what triggered it. It was something he he triggered something. And I was like, I just I've had it.

00;32;12;00 - 00;32;30;24 Shaun I can't do this. And I get up and walk around the couch and to get to the bedroom and walk behind the couch and go around the corner, well, I walk around the couch. Well, then he meets me and I was like, I'm done. I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore. And he's like, you're not leaving? And he shoved me while I fall and on tile and I fell and hit my back.

00;32;30;24 - 00;32;52;24 Shaun And then he has that moment, and I have that moment of weight. Now it's physical, right? There's all that mental abuse that it occurred and it's hard to comprehend it and process it. As I'm speaking today, I'm speaking from a place of a processed place, but in it you don't understand it. We understand it, we understand what that is.

00;32;52;24 - 00;33;10;03 Shaun And so I had that moment. I was like, oh, and he's like, oh, you can't be with somebody who hit you or shoved you. It's like you just fell over. I didn't, I just barely tapped you. You just fell over. And I was like, no. And so I pushed past him and not even really pushed past him. I just kind of forced my way around him.

00;33;10;03 - 00;33;25;15 Shaun I never I only shoved back once ever. but I get back to the bedroom and then I it's like something out of a movie. I have a suitcase and I'm starting to throw things in it. As I'm throwing stuff in the suitcase, he's throwing it out of the suitcase. Then all of a sudden, so I'm not stopping.

00;33;25;15 - 00;33;46;04 Shaun I'm on a mission. I'm going to leave, and I'm going to take the great name because we still had the great name at this point. He. What did he do? Then? He starts attacking us. We had a wicker, hamper. He starts kicking the crap out of it, putting holes on it, and then starts punching the armoire that had our TV and stuff and starts ripping.

00;33;46;04 - 00;34;07;01 Shaun He ripped the door off and then he goes out into the hallway and just starts punching the drywall, putting putting holes in it, and then starts kicking behind him and just beating it to a pulp. And at this point, you know, then he goes to a place of, I can't lose you, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough.

00;34;07;03 - 00;34;30;19 Shaun And now it's a victim. And then the mother in me comes in to let me nurture this broken man and get him to finally stop. And then we're both crying. He's now has two broken hands, and has got bleeds. Blood coming from his, leg from kicking the wall behind him. I mean, there's there's drywall everywhere.

00;34;30;21 - 00;34;41;04 Seth He's created a distraction to take the focus off of what you're feeling and what you've experienced and and to change your frame of reference.

00;34;41;07 - 00;35;01;02 Shaun Yes. Then we're both crying together, and he's like, I'm so sorry. I never want to hit you. You're an angel. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now insert this loving, sweet man that's he's me and he's apologizing. And our friend who only knew a fraction. They thought they knew everything. I wasn't telling him everything. And he wasn't.

00;35;01;05 - 00;35;21;17 Shaun He wasn't telling them everything. They just thought a little bit or they're having problems. Well, all relationships have problems. You guys can work through it together. So then I get that stuck in my head as well. He's willing to work so. And he's he apologizes, he sees this and we're going to continue the work. And then the next day it was about figuring out how to do the drywall.

00;35;21;23 - 00;35;30;06 Shaun And it's the again, the high was so high. And then it's like leveling out. We're now we're in love and things are happy.

00;35;30;09 - 00;35;31;19 Seth Because we're fixing the drywall.

00;35;31;26 - 00;35;32;24 Shaun We're. Yeah.

00;35;32;26 - 00;35;53;06 Seth Like we're fixing this problem, which isn't it was never the problem. But now all of your energy is, oh, because we're fixing a problem that he created after he created the real problems. But we're going to make this the real problem. The problem? Now you're fixing it. And so it feels good, right? What are your thoughts about this?

00;35;53;06 - 00;35;59;16 Seth Because I know, I know, you just had lots of different experiences in life. As you're listening to this. What's coming to mind?

00;35;59;19 - 00;36;16;11 Stephanie A lot of different thoughts and feelings, I guess. I'm not sure that I should share them. The ones that I'm thinking of don't just involve me. So, I mean, it does bring me back to, you know, my first and some that I experience. I don't think, the physical abuse never got to where it did for you.

00;36;16;12 - 00;36;34;05 Stephanie I thank God that, you know, I was able to see that he was leading up to that. And I had two small children. And honestly, if I didn't have any kids, who knows if I would have taken the same action that I did? having children kind of like did allow a lot of things to happen without some clearly what they were.

00;36;34;08 - 00;36;49;16 Stephanie but then when he started to do those things to the children, then it was like, okay, this is done, this is over. This is not okay. Even though it really wasn't okay for him to do things with me either. I'm like, I'm an adult, I can handle it. You know? I can work through this for married, whereas the children are innocent.

00;36;49;16 - 00;36;56;05 Stephanie I mean, when I left my ex-husband, they were two and a half, so, you know, they really could not do anything about it.

00;36;56;05 - 00;37;16;19 Shaun No. And that's to. That's where like, I brought up the dog and like, that was like my kid and I beat myself up and, you know, you hear stories of, well, why didn't you leave? It's easy, you know, we'll take it. But you can't let anyone else. And the fact that I didn't leave after that, it was like, I understand why people don't leave.

00;37;16;22 - 00;37;36;21 Shaun But it made me really sad that I didn't make that choice and fight for him, because later I think it cost him his life. I only had him a year. I came home one day and his hip was out because he had kicked him and know he's 150 pounds and they're like his chance of survival was 2% of having a good life.

00;37;36;21 - 00;37;51;22 Shaun You know you got to make a decision. And that was so hard. That's how that always gets me. Like I really wish I had left. You know? It makes me it breaks my heart that I didn't and I so maybe could have had a lot more years with him. And he's such a sweet soul.

00;37;51;25 - 00;37;53;09 Stephanie I'm so sorry.

00;37;53;11 - 00;38;05;13 Shaun Oh, I know, but just to your point, you know, it's just I it was one where I finally understood when people like, why didn't you leave when that happened? You know, like, yeah, abuse is powerful.

00;38;05;16 - 00;38;06;06 Stephanie It is really.

00;38;06;06 - 00;38;06;25 Shaun Powerful.

00;38;06;25 - 00;38;25;25 Stephanie Well, and when you're in the middle of it, it's not like I mean for other people, they're not in your daily life. And so this happens gradually. So when you're in the thick of it and it's gradually getting worse every day, you don't see it, you don't feel it, you know, you you adapt to it and you become a part of it.

00;38;25;27 - 00;38;48;22 Stephanie And so when people make comments, it's like, oh no, no, it's not that bad. You know, like and and you also love this person and you trust them. And so you're just like, no, you're you're seeing it wrong or it's not. You know, it definitely is. It makes me really sad to see when other people are so humble who are abused, and I'm condemning them for staying so long.

00;38;48;29 - 00;39;07;06 Shaun And, you know, and I'm happy that they don't understand it. I'm very happy they don't understand it. And that's my response to them at their heart. I'm like, hey, I'm really I'm it makes I'm so grateful you don't understand this. And you haven't been through that. And you don't have to understand here, but you need to stuff for seconds.

00;39;07;10 - 00;39;27;03 Shaun By the time it turned physical, then it spiraled very fast from there when I was driving. So I brought that up earlier. When I be driving and if we were in a fight, then he'd get mad and shove me into the door. But if I swerved, he'd get get even more mad. You just shoved me into the door, and then I'd end up with bruises, and it got to the point where he.

00;39;27;03 - 00;39;46;17 Shaun And it escalated so much that day. It was a daily, a part of my life where he spit on me. He'd get so angry and spit on me. One night he got really upset. Long story. He got jealous of me being with my best friend and her husband. But it was, oh, his husband likes you. We want to.

00;39;46;17 - 00;40;03;17 Shaun And he's never met him before. He just got manic and was very upset. And then the next day she was moving to California. He had come into town, so they had long distance and they were going to be in person together. And I helped her move, and I arrived back at the house and it was just one of those, I'm like, you are not taking this from me.

00;40;03;17 - 00;40;19;14 Shaun I'm going to be there for my friend, and I'm going to help her move and I'm going to have fun with her. But you are not taking whatever I can do to try to calm me down. I'll try, you know? And, when I got back, I was sitting in a chair. He had steel toed boots on, and he got so angry he kicked me in the hip.

00;40;19;18 - 00;40;40;13 Shaun And I had a dinner sized dinner plate size bruise on my hip. And by this point, so later, I was struggling to walk. And then he was like, oh, are you a battered woman? Why are you limping? You're just weak. And so I just have to work really hard on not limping and walk normal, because we went out public and went to dinner.

00;40;40;15 - 00;41;02;24 Shaun And one thing that he did is he wouldn't he calmed down if there were movies playing. And this is when blockbuster was going around and he had to go to the store and get DVDs. And so, I remember that it was that same day, the day I got kicked and I had some bruises that and I was in a tank top and you could see some bruises forming on my back.

00;41;03;01 - 00;41;22;18 Shaun And, and I'd clearly been crying. I looked like a blowfish. My eyes were swollen and I had grabbed, I think was five DVDs. I think I spent $200 that month on DVDs, which you remember the rentals. I mean, they were, what, four bucks? I spent $200 that month and we were broke, because there was financial abuse that had happened in that relationship as well.

00;41;22;19 - 00;41;37;19 Shaun But anyway, I remember standing in line and I was just like, I just want to get out of here. I just got to get these videos. And, there was a couple behind me and I could hear her talking to him, going to ask if she's okay. He's like, I don't know, I don't know. So she does not look okay.

00;41;37;19 - 00;41;55;04 Shaun Can we like she okay? It's like she was wanting to talk to me and he then they were like battling what to do. And then I remember even getting up to the counter and I was so numb at this point. I just wanted the DVDs. I was so there was no emotion whatsoever, but it was clear I was in trouble.

00;41;55;06 - 00;42;18;20 Shaun And, I put the DVD on the counter. Even the guy, he kind of took off on it like, oh, okay. yeah. He's like, he's like, okay, happy, healthy, like he just he was like a young kid, you know, and trying to help me check out. And then it was, it was interesting watching Oprah. She gave me words and her show because, you know, she talked a lot about abuse.

00;42;18;20 - 00;42;37;18 Shaun And I remember watching a show where it. Right as I turned to it, she said, let's take a look at this clip and I wish I could find it. It's a really powerful card, but it's it's a moment, you know? But so said, let's take a look at this clip. And it's this woman standing in the middle room shaking and crying.

00;42;37;18 - 00;43;00;10 Shaun And it's like a POV, like a lower POV of a camera looking up at her, and she's just standing, tears streaming down her face. I follow you to a tee. I follow tee and you hear this loud voice tell me you follow to follow me to a tee and you represent. He would say that all the time, by the way, to me, like represent me when you're not around and you follow me to a tee, you're going to do everything I say and so she and then those were like, ding ding, ding.

00;43;00;10 - 00;43;21;21 Shaun And she's like a follow to follow. And then eventually the camera goes to a lower POV and then he goes, he's the the man husband says, do you see? Do you see how pathetic she is? And you hear their little eight year old son say, yes, I do. And he said, hold this. And now the son is holding the camera.

00;43;21;23 - 00;43;48;04 Shaun He proceeds to get up and beat her to a pulp on camera. I don't even know if these people. anyway, so, that video got him, I think sentenced to 18 years. And, what they were able to use in trial. And so it cut back to Oprah. She wipes the tears and she asks her what started this.

00;43;48;06 - 00;44;06;19 Shaun And she said, I asked him if he wanted to stand. And, you know, you hear the audience because those who have been in an abuse, they don't understand, they're like a sandwich like to them it doesn't make sense. And for us, we get that like you nod your head like I get it. The littlest things that don't make sense.

00;44;06;19 - 00;44;25;28 Shaun It's not meant they don't. They don't want it to make sense. They want you to be the crazy bird. So. And the day before I. He went out all night. I went to bed. Well, in the morning he's asleep next to me. He came home at some point. He was asleep next to me. I get up and I go and make, you know, bacon and eggs for breakfast.

00;44;26;03 - 00;44;43;08 Shaun I go back and I lovingly wake him up. It was a loving exchange. And I said, you know, I got breakfast ready. And then I go back in the kitchen. I just start cleaning up. And there was a shift in energy. So we know that shift and all, I could feel it. I just started to brace for impact and his eyes would go black.

00;44;43;10 - 00;44;59;28 Shaun There was one time in Vegas where someone took a picture of us when he was in that mode, and his eyes literally were black, and I had to rip up the photo. And, it was so because he had piercing blue eyes and they were straight black. So that energy, I could feel it coming down. I was like, oh no, no, no, no, I can feel it.

00;45;00;07 - 00;45;23;12 Shaun And he comes in and he's like, I told you I wanted French toast. And I said, when did you tell me you wanted French toast use? Last night. I said, I was asleep when you got home. And then he just comes around the corner. He grabs me, throws me down on the tile, and he's slamming my head and my shoulders into the tile and, making eggs and bacon and, so watching that Oprah episode was that was another moment for me.

00;45;23;12 - 00;45;43;20 Shaun I'm like, I'm in trouble. This is this is not good. And so, and then he started taking lipstick and writing all the words you can think of. I don't know if we want to say them on here. but every word you can think of, the C word, the B word, the S, all of it, every single word was up on a on the mirror.

00;45;43;27 - 00;46;06;28 Shaun And, I was always having to clean it off, and, I so I started telling my best friend, feeling her and then the details, and I just knew I was like, I'm going to end up dead if I don't. And I just don't want him to get away with it. And throughout our relationship, I started, I remember I'd pray for heart attack because to me, that was the safest way to go because I couldn't.

00;46;07;03 - 00;46;27;10 Shaun I wasn't suicidal, I couldn't end my life that way. But a heart attack. I prayed for a heart attack to take me and get me away from him. That's a weird place to be. It's like I didn't want to die. But I also I needed away from him and I just didn't see a way out. I was too scared he'd find me or he, you know, he had escalated so much at this point.

00;46;27;13 - 00;46;54;24 Shaun And so I started, showing her pictures that I would take of his messages that we leave. I showed her the bruise that I had on my hip, and I started taking stuff to her house, like I had a necklace that my mom had made. And it's my heart with six diamonds. And all the diamonds are from my, my great grandmother's jewelry that my mom had put in a necklace for me, and it was my heart and my family in it because I have four siblings and my parents are seven total, so it's just my heart.

00;46;54;24 - 00;47;14;11 Shaun And six anyway, you know, it's not it's worth a lot and it's worth a lot to me, just sentimentally. And he would threaten to take it. And so I even took that. I taped it in an envelope underneath my desk at work because I didn't want anybody to see it or find it, and it was there for weeks just to show you.

00;47;14;11 - 00;47;37;24 Shaun And I started taking stuff to my best friend's house, and she started hiding it. And then there's one, one infamous time just to show you the dynamic of how what a day could look like he was. He'd often leave, so his car got repo and he'd take my car. And so he left for the weekend, and I had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

00;47;37;24 - 00;47;53;19 Shaun I could guess at this point I knew that cheating was there, and but it was like, he's out of my hair care. He's out of my mind. I don't have to deal with him. And he, I was in the shower and I get a call, and I by this point, I was programed. I answer the phone at all times.

00;47;53;19 - 00;48;08;19 Shaun I was in the shower, work, whatever. I had to answer the phone. So I got shampoo in my hair. When I answer the phone, he said, can you be out of the house in five minutes? Said, I'm in the shower. I'll do my best. Well then I hear the door. So he was standing outside the house and I don't, you know, you go, why would you do that?

00;48;08;19 - 00;48;24;10 Shaun So I was like, I got to get out of the shower. I do not want to be in the shower when he gets here. So I get out and I was trying to call my best friend, but my phone, I don't know if the energy was so intense, like my phone wouldn't work and it just kept dialing nine whatever the number nine means, I just kept that.

00;48;24;10 - 00;48;51;00 Shaun I was like, why won't it work? I don't want to call her anyway. So he comes in, I'm in a towel, had so wet. He grabs the phone, he throws it against the wall, and then he starts screaming and yelling and shoving me into the countertop. So much so, eventually, I'm now sitting up on the countertop. My back is against the mirror, and there was a long story is he wasn't invited to my friend's wedding, and he was like, why am I not invited to the wedding?

00;48;51;00 - 00;49;10;00 Shaun And then, you know, in my family, we're when you're in the family, you fight in the family. So like, you know, my significant other comes in. If he has a fight with my sister, those two work it out. If I don't get in the middle, it's between them. You know, like, that's how our family works. So my dad, he and my dad, my dad started to see what was happening and worried.

00;49;10;00 - 00;49;23;21 Shaun And so my dad called him out on a couple things. Well, then all of a sudden he just cut off and he's like, you need to talk to your dad. You did that. And my dad's like, if he's a man, he's gonna call me directly. He's not putting you in the middle. So I he's like, why haven't you talked to your dad?

00;49;23;21 - 00;49;39;12 Shaun So it was between this wedding and then, and no one wanted to talk to my dad's, like, have him call me. He's not putting you in the middle. So why are you doing all this? And I'm just staring at him, just scared. And as he screamed, there's even a point where, like, his forehead and his nose are in my face.

00;49;39;12 - 00;49;52;27 Shaun And he had been spitting on me this whole time too. I'm at fresh the shower. I've got that all over me, and I'm just sitting there taking it. And then just when your stress levels get so high, it's almost like you go death. He doesn't know what that feeling is. And just I almost went deaf and it was wild.

00;49;52;27 - 00;50;15;21 Shaun But I also felt like I had guardian angels there too. And there was that moment like I well. And he shoved me again. Well, then the mirror starts to crack and we hear it. I don't think it actually, I think it cracked on the back like you could hear cracking. Couldn't visibly see it. But anyway. And he's like, oh, he's like, well can't if, if you start to get here, he goes, that's not coming back on me.

00;50;15;21 - 00;50;32;10 Shaun How would you like to be buried out in the desert? And so and I'm just sitting there and then he's then he goes back into who? why haven't you talked to them or whatever? And I just said, I'm scared. I was telling him I was scared of him, but he thought I was saying I was scared to talk to my dad or my friends.

00;50;32;10 - 00;50;50;15 Shaun And then all of a sudden, he just breaks down and cries like, I'm so sorry. You just make me so crazy. I love you, you're the best. Now I'm covered. Bruises are swarming, I'm covered in spit. And I had a family barbecue to go to. So I got back in the shower to get ready and, go to my family barbecue.

00;50;50;17 - 00;51;10;29 Shaun And I had to act like nothing happened. And where stuff that covered bruises and whatever. And my family were all, like, dancing around, like, what do we do? And, so by this point, my friend, she started to tell her mom and then my friend's wedding that he wasn't invited to that whole group. Also, we're like, we've got to save her.

00;51;11;04 - 00;51;31;04 Shaun And we got to do something. And it was all coming to a head where it was a TV show style intervention. So there was a point. My brother, the one time I shoved him back was, he, I was one morning I was like, I'm not dealing with him today. And I was just walking around. I was getting ready for work.

00;51;31;05 - 00;51;50;26 Shaun He's just falling at me, yelling at me the whole time, and I'm just like, just shut up. And I shoved him. And then one time, ever. Well, by this point, it was a week prior we had to put Duke down the Great Dane. And by this point, but we still had the massive kennel, so it was right behind me.

00;51;50;26 - 00;52;09;28 Shaun He shoved me. Well, I fell backwards into, like, hitting the the edges of the metal cage and then fell to the floor. And then the closet was open and there was stacked wooden pictures. He picks me up and throws me in there. And then. So then I fall and catch myself and say, okay. And then it was like he was done.

00;52;09;29 - 00;52;22;29 Shaun And then he went back to the student, whatever. And so I was like, all right, I'm going to work and going to work. And anyway, I was talking to my brother and I made the comment. Of course, I didn't tell the full story. I was just like, yeah, we kind of got a shoving match today. And he's like, what?

00;52;22;29 - 00;52;44;04 Shaun He shoved you? And I was like, well, I shoved him first and he's like, that is not okay. And so he immediately gets in a car and drive to Vegas here. And my sister and brother in law, they'd only been dating a month earlier that day. So my brother's on his way. I needed a dress for the wedding, so I go to my sister's house and, to borrow a dress, and I'm in her closet, and I think my sister timed it.

00;52;44;04 - 00;53;00;17 Shaun She was purposely timing it to where I was in between dresses to see if I had bruises. And she's like, what's this? What's this, what's this, what's this? You know, seeing all the bruises, she's like, this is not okay. I don't believe you. I don't believe anything you're telling me you're disappearing. You're not. You're not here. And so they're like, you need to leave home.

00;53;00;17 - 00;53;16;03 Shaun Like, I know I need to leave. I'm. I'm just I I'm just I'm tired. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I do need to leave them. And I'm like, I'm going to go home and, like, are you sure you want to go home? I'm like, yes, I'm gonna go home. And so I go home. Well then now my brother arrives and then my brother in law, like we're not.

00;53;16;03 - 00;53;32;27 Shaun So they get my entire family together and they're all figuring out how to get me. And then my brother's like, come visit me. And I'm like, no, I'm just going to bed. He's like, no, come visit me. And I was like, I'll just see you tomorrow. I'm, I want to go to bed. And meanwhile, he and I are fighting again at home and I'm just like, I can't, I can't deal with all this.

00;53;32;27 - 00;53;49;26 Shaun And then my brother's like, you know what? We're coming to you. And by this point, he had. So I figured this out. At the end, he was selling cocaine out of the house. I had never done cocaine, never been around it, had no idea, he was drinking and doing cocaine and then selling it. And he had guns all over the house.

00;53;49;26 - 00;54;07;28 Shaun And I'd started to pick up on what's going on, and he'd walk me through gun drills, but wouldn't tell me why. because who was going to show up in the times? He would just take my car and leave, and I had no way to ever leave. So, I figured out what was going on. I was like, I don't, and I know he'd been drinking and doing other things.

00;54;07;28 - 00;54;20;09 Shaun I was like, I don't know what's going to happen in his mind. I can't let him come. I can't let my family come here because his mind, he's going to think he's justified and people are going to end up dead. I can't do this. So I just was like, I don't know, I'm going to my family's house or whatever.

00;54;20;09 - 00;54;34;25 Shaun I left and he was kind of in a delusion. so there was a start of the soft intervention with my family, and they're like, are you okay? And my brother in law's reading it because my whole family want to just scream at me, why aren't you leaving? You know, my brother in law is like, what do you need from us?

00;54;34;25 - 00;54;50;29 Shaun How can we help you? And then, And I think my aunt too, she's a therapist. She was talking my family through what to do as well of how to support me and be there for me. So I told him. And by this point, there's a whole long story attached to that. But my dad had to buy the house we lived in.

00;54;50;29 - 00;55;07;01 Shaun I met him, I had an 800 credit score. I was debt free. By the end of it. I was 68 grand in debt and a 400 credit score. I couldn't qualify for a house, and there was a lot of, he took out loans in my name, piled up my credit cards, and I had to file bankruptcy. 24 years old.

00;55;07;04 - 00;55;21;27 Shaun Anyways, so my parents had to buy a house to at least bring me closer in a town we lived in our outside of town, my parents are like. Or my dad and oh, he can stay there for 30 days or until he finds a place. But you're not. I'll work with him. I tell him that he's lost in this delusion.

00;55;21;27 - 00;55;40;01 Shaun Well, the next day, neighbors call us, writes weird crap is happening at your house. So we arrived. He left the door open, the garage door open. he broke the key off in the doorknob. He cut up my swimsuit. Pictures of me and my friends. He ripped up, pictures of me and him. He broke the frame over my face and he wrote stuff all over.

00;55;40;02 - 00;55;56;16 Shaun He turned the heat up to 100 he cards that we gave each other. He taped them in all the cupboards, like, you open them up. And then they played the songs. and then he wrote in the mirror like you fed me to the hole to put my toothbrush in the toilet. I mean, he did. He took off my underwear drawer.

00;55;56;16 - 00;56;18;07 Shaun He took computers. He, took shoes because he'd never wanted me to wear those sexy shoes again for anybody else. Gosh, he did so much stuff. And then. But I was still talking to him. We get through the wedding, he's talking me in the meeting him. Meanwhile, my family is emptying the house. My friends that I'm all with are telling my parents, play by play, everything that's going on.

00;56;18;07 - 00;56;39;16 Shaun I lie to my friends, I go meet him and, we're going to work on it together. And I get home and to my house. By this point, it's completely cleaned out. My dad is on the phone with our family friend who works for the Phoenix Police Department. My sister's crying. My older brother comes and takes my phone in, and they sit me down and they're like, you're seeing therapy.

00;56;39;16 - 00;56;54;08 Shaun We've already called your work and said, you need help. And if they need to replace you to go for it, and we're going to go get a restraining order, you know, start verifying. These are the things we need to worry about. What else do we need to worry about? We just want to know we're working with and we're going to get therapy and blah, blah, blah.

00;56;54;10 - 00;57;11;15 Shaun So it was like, whoa. And then my best friend arrived. We drove to the courthouse and I got a restraining order. I'd seen that a mile. 2008 everyone was sworn to secrecy of where I was. Only my best friend and her mom were allowed to know, and they came over and it was a Cinco de Mayo party at my parents house.

00;57;11;20 - 00;57;32;05 Shaun What planet am I on? It was just I was numb. I and I was so used to shoving everything down. and then from there, it was just a whole world of trying to figure out how to heal and go from there. But yeah, that was that was the end of it. Wow.

00;57;32;08 - 00;57;38;18 Seth I was going to say something like and tune in for season two.

00;57;38;20 - 00;57;40;15 Seth Oh my goodness.

00;57;40;18 - 00;57;42;19 Shaun Yeah. So a lot of healing.

00;57;42;21 - 00;57;45;18 Stephanie So what did you do to start healing.

00;57;45;20 - 00;58;06;24 Shaun The quick and short of it. And I actually made notes because I've had so many different things that just look like the easiest way to. But I think first it was important to understand it. So the first piece was, this is why rehab is so powerful to go cold turkey and disconnect. It's the same thing like we talked about the dopamine and that addiction, love addiction that occurs.

00;58;06;24 - 00;58;23;16 Shaun It's so powerful to have that. So when I was at my parents house during that time, they put and it was when, you know, you had actual phones in the house, the wireless ones, you know, so they had to put all of those in the safe, put car keys in the safe, every pass, every computer had a passcode on it.

00;58;23;22 - 00;58;50;04 Shaun There was no way for me to connect with the outside world. And all it took for me was a couple days to realize how safe I was to then let it all out and cry and release and get angry. And then they're like, we need to, we need to get our personal trainer. And he did boxing. And so I punched that damn bag four times a week and hit my ex's face.

00;58;50;04 - 00;59;12;25 Shaun And every, all, everything he did to me was that bag and I kicked it. I need it, I hit it, it was so releasing for me and my sister and my mom did it with me. So it was like a bonding experience for us. But it's it's important to find safety and what that looks like. And I realize not everyone is fortunate to have the network that I did to wrap their arms around me.

00;59;12;27 - 00;59;41;03 Shaun But there's a couple key points that to get out of it, it's you've got to have, some place if there's things that you value, start hiding those and putting those somewhere that they can't touch, because there are so many stories of breaking and damaging things. It's all ways to hurt you. That's all forms of abuse. So and then just realizing that you just have to mourn the loss of physical things and people.

00;59;41;04 - 01;00;00;20 Shaun There could be people that are connected to your ex that you have to let go because simply because they chose to be in his life for whatever reason. And so you just have to cut it all cold turkey and finding that network and finding those those people. And I know there's a lot of resources. There's domestic violence lines for people that they need to look up.

01;00;00;24 - 01;00;19;02 Shaun But leading into safety, safety super key. And I had found that where I think it was day five, it was when I I'm never going back to him and I just I started sharing details and they got me into therapy. So I think it was the very next day I'm in therapy and I couldn't even talk to the therapist.

01;00;19;02 - 01;00;37;00 Shaun He's like, why are you here? I'm like, I was in a bad relationship. And so I guess that's it, like just so numb. And she goes, okay, we'll get a journal and just start writing and bring the journal in. If you feel like talking about it, you can talk about it. So journaling was huge and you have to let out the emotions.

01;00;37;07 - 01;01;01;04 Shaun One book that was super key is The Gift of Fear. I mentioned that earlier by Gavin de Becker. Every woman should read this. I encourage you both. Every daughter you have, even eight granddaughters. It is powerful. But Gavin, the Becker, it's you know, now he's probably over 50 years, but time over 30 years of being in lots of force meant working in and domestic violence.

01;01;01;04 - 01;01;24;00 Shaun And he's also head of security for Oprah and other other celebrities. But this book is all true stories, and it's broken up by sections, and it's basically the gift of fear. And it also talks about the flaws of of law. Everyone's like taken to court. Take him, get put a press charges, put him in jail. And this book there are quite a few chapters.

01;01;24;00 - 01;01;45;23 Shaun So the Intimate enemies starts on page 180. It walks through, talking about O.J. Simpson, you know, and, Scott Peterson, infamous cases. But all of the signs leading up to it and reading that chapter, and he's got 33, 33 questions he asks you. And he said, if you can answer yes to, multitude of these, then you're in real trouble.

01;01;45;23 - 01;02;07;17 Shaun And I answered yes to every single one of them that for me and I've since I've probably bought 25 if not more copies of that and given them out, I sent them to women that I've never even met, because it makes when you are in an abusive situation as you male staff is, you feel alone and no one else is going through it, no one else can understand it.

01;02;07;17 - 01;02;28;06 Shaun When the statistics are 1 in 4 women, 1 in 7 men and 1 in 5 children, so you're dealing with people who know they've gone through it or know and puts it on a page where it's text book. While there might be some detail slightly different, the control and manipulation tactics are all the same.

01;02;28;11 - 01;02;44;21 Seth There are patterns. These are these are tried. These are tried and true patterns. And so if we can put that that pattern in front of you then you can introduce a pattern interrupt. Right. Where are you saying that that 1 in 4 women you're talking about the abuse statistics.

01;02;44;23 - 01;02;45;20 Shaun Domestic violence.

01;02;45;20 - 01;02;47;04 Seth Yes. Domestic violence.

01;02;47;06 - 01;03;08;00 Shaun That book was huge for me is reading that. And then there's a there's a chapter on it. Persistence. Persistence, which is a lot of it kind of lays in on a lot of mentalities there. And and it is basically saying don't, don't prosecute, back away. The best responses, no response. And it feels so like you're not doing justice.

01;03;08;01 - 01;03;31;21 Shaun And he talks about that. He's like, I know it feels like you're doing nothing, but you're actually doing something. But here's case after case after case after case. The only thing he did on some cases, he had to change the names due to legality reasons. But they are real stories is the whole question was, well, I could prosecute him and I and, I was told that you could probably get him two years in jail, Max, but he might get out early on good behavior.

01;03;31;23 - 01;03;52;06 Shaun But the question was, what does he do when he gets out? That's the big question. And that was the fear. Even when I listened to that Oprah episode where they said, okay, he's in for 18 years, she had asked him how, when did he first turn physical? And it was, it wasn't until year 15 of being married to him when he turned physical.

01;03;52;09 - 01;04;15;07 Shaun So people are like, oh, well, he's not hitting you. It's not abuse. But there are like, patterns, perfect word. There are patterns and signs that lead to it. So any time someone starts to tell me certain things, I take it very seriously and I give them the gift of fear. You need to read this because even in the gift of fear, it lays out so many things that aren't even physical abuse.

01;04;15;13 - 01;04;35;19 Shaun It's all of the the mental and emotional abuse contextualized and violence and and mentality that is important for everyone to pay attention to. So. So that was a big thing. And then it was I remember reading that chapter and I and by this point I'm living with my parents. And so I come downstairs and I had the chapter book.

01;04;35;19 - 01;04;53;11 Shaun They said, you guys read this, we are dropping all charges. And I happily went to work. when I got home, my parents were like, we agree, we'll follow your lead thing. That was super hard because it felt like we were letting someone get away with murder in a way. But you have to do it for survival. So that was a big first step for me.

01;04;53;11 - 01;04;56;17 Shaun And then it was just through journal entering.

01;04;56;20 - 01;04;58;09 Seth Can I can I ask a quick question?

01;04;58;11 - 01;04;59;09 Shaun Yes. Go for it.

01;04;59;12 - 01;05;23;24 Seth Because that's the first thing I think of is I'm going to I'm going to lay his behind, you know, where he belongs. Justice should be served. Yes. For what the individual has experienced in this case, you. But I also my mind goes to what about the next woman? you have perspective that I don't have. Why? Just really simply why you decided not to press charges.

01;05;23;24 - 01;05;27;23 Seth I mean, I think I have an idea, you know, like. Like I'm getting schooling right here.

01;05;27;26 - 01;05;45;15 Shaun Yeah. So in the chapters, it called out. So this man, mind you, you know, do you want to how do you feel about getting buried in the desert? Question. And all of the abuse that had led to it, where I was like, I'm going to end up dead. He's just going to snap. And there's case after case, like there's one case.

01;05;45;15 - 01;06;03;21 Shaun This wasn't labeled out in the book, but this is another infamous case of a girl who the whole family was like, something's not right with this guy is her boyfriend. Something's not right with him. We don't know. Anyway, she ends up dead, and, she was found in the trunk with a car pushed into the river. But the trunk never quite got wet.

01;06;03;21 - 01;06;23;02 Shaun And so when they found her body, there was a an old tape recorder in there, or a video camera like the, you know, from 1990s, you know, that we all used to have when it went through trial, the dad, everyone was like, this guy is guilty. But there was no direct evidence to link the boyfriend to the death.

01;06;23;02 - 01;06;38;13 Shaun And so he was proven innocent. Well, there the dad was like, well, what's on that video camera? And the police, like, we went through it. It's just all static is like, no, what's on that? Please look through it. Can I look through it like I want to watch every minute of it? And they're like, no, we already did that.

01;06;38;13 - 01;06;53;20 Shaun We already did that. So he had to wait a year and a half after the case in order. I think it was a year and a half in order where the evidence can be released. And he and he sat and it was minute 15 when it was video, and the murder was all on camera of this girl. Yes.

01;06;53;22 - 01;07;15;01 Shaun And, so imagine that. Right. And I actually knew a girl. so the bride and groom of the wedding I was at, she had a friend to. She had an ex. I don't think he ever got physical with her, but everyone knew something was weird. And they were getting tangled financially here in Arizona, and they were going to meet up and talk about finances because this guy had owed or some money.

01;07;15;01 - 01;07;33;22 Shaun Well, he ended up driving her up to Far Fossil Creek here, and it was a murder suicide. So this book carves out situations like that of, you know, they're in their head. They think. And he would tell me all the time he goes, maybe I'm karma, the stuff that you do to me. Maybe I'm supposed to be karma.

01;07;33;22 - 01;07;54;28 Shaun I'm supposed to take all this out on you. And I mean that mentality. And then so leading into this and hearing all of these stories and even knowing Scott Peterson, I don't I think with his stuff, too, I don't think he got physical till later. There's there's that snapping point, but when they snap they go read and they don't know what they what they're doing half the time.

01;07;55;00 - 01;08;13;19 Shaun And I knew that he was capable of that. And so for me that's when I went, if he's in prison the whole time, he's going to think it's my fault, because ever every hit he did, every they every reaction he had was all my fault. So while he's in prison, he's going to blame me for being in there and he'll retaliate.

01;08;13;19 - 01;08;21;22 Shaun And he's the guy that would sit in a vehicle and be a coward and attack you in the dark when you're defenseless and stab you in the back. He was that kind of guy.

01;08;21;24 - 01;08;34;23 Seth 18 years of complete focus on how am I going to how you have ruined his life. Yep. Right. And then. And then they'll. And then when he's free to today it use a self-preservation completely.

01;08;34;23 - 01;08;49;11 Shaun And I was working with a girl. I still have yet to meet her in person. I had a friend, and I've learned that I have to ask if somebody's going through it. They're like, I'll share your information. So no, no, no. You ask her if it's okay if you share her number with me, she won't ever reach out.

01;08;49;14 - 01;09;09;25 Shaun So, I have them, their permission to share their number with me and I outreach. So I did this with a girl. He went to prison because of her. She's here in Arizona, and he only got a two year sentence. He was getting out on early on, good behavior, and he was messaging or knew where she lived and that he was coming for.

01;09;10;02 - 01;09;27;18 Shaun So he had to get police involved. And so that's why that's why I ended up I had to choose safety for myself and my family because he wasn't in his right mind. And that's what the book calls out. And that's a hard thing morally. You go, what do I do? So this is where the law doesn't protect you.

01;09;27;18 - 01;09;30;12 Shaun And that's what this book calls out.

01;09;30;14 - 01;10;07;15 Seth I think there's also an aspect of that where you talked about like, like going to rehab, which you in that situation, you needed an emotional disk. You needed to, to be fully disconnected. Right. Cold turkey for the entire situation. If you're going into prosecution, you're literally just dragging this entire story out. And the energy that needs to be, you know, going into healing and getting back into safe safety must be that must be really difficult to even create if you've got this case going on, you know?

01;10;07;17 - 01;10;28;07 Shaun Yeah, it always keeps it present. The actually have it in the restraining order. He threatened to take us to court to to remove it. my attorney, he found two other restraining orders. One was a domestic violence and a domestic violence charge. Had I googled him before, I could have seen it, but I didn't. He had a domestic violence charge and two restraining orders prior to mine.

01;10;28;11 - 01;10;45;11 Seth I think this is gonna be awesome. I think there are a lot of people who are. We're going to relate. Thank you so much for for taking it through it. I mean, this has been emotional. This has been hard to listen to, I mean, to experience as an observer. But wow, like, kudos to you, Sean, for being.

01;10;45;11 - 01;10;47;15 Shaun Here for women.

01;10;47;17 - 01;11;07;29 Seth kudos to your family for recognizing that. and like Stephanie said this recently and I think it's so powerful. Thanks to me. Meaning that, I mean, obviously God's number one in her life, but she she recognizes that, you know, who is with her all these times, through all the hard times. She was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No thanks to me.

01;11;07;29 - 01;11;36;28 Seth And. Yeah, yeah. No, you know, narcissist on everybody and tell me how important I am in your life. But we'll recognize it and and recognize that in you even though you weren't maybe whole. You saved yourself, right? You kept yourself in the game. Let's jump into some of the. Okay. Now, what do we do with this? We've just given you've just given everyone a real deep background on what you've experienced.

01;11;36;28 - 01;11;46;13 Seth Okay. What's your perspective on on self-care, right. Or or preservation. Not just preservation, but how do I move beyond that now and go into thriving?

01;11;46;17 - 01;11;51;04 Stephanie What are you most passionate about right now? And, what are you doing?

01;11;51;10 - 01;12;15;29 Shaun What are you doing? most passionate right now is is helping others find healing. Obviously, the connection that we have through activation and network marketing, that's a big part of it, because when we're healing, we got the mind. You know, that reading that book was getting my mind to connect details. But also there's a book called where I think the Body Keeps the score right.

01;12;15;29 - 01;12;43;02 Shaun It's amazing book, but we store traumas and emotions inside our body, and it's really important to start to release that. And again, we can do that through the brain. But also you need nutrition, you need exercise, you need our activators. You need to get cells because self trauma damages ourself. It causes aging. We all know stress causes aging, that there's a lot of stress that gets put in and the power of forgiveness.

01;12;43;02 - 01;13;03;03 Shaun And for those are spiritual. The power of prayer and bigger believing in something bigger and getting to that healing and understanding, bringing our bodies along the way. We have to feed our bodies as well. So it's not just our brains, but we gotta feed our bodies the appropriate nutrition to get going. And so also what ignites our spirit.

01;13;03;03 - 01;13;43;23 Shaun And so my big passion is, is focusing on helping others, hearing their story, and helping find a way to help what serves them on their healing journey to bring their body along their mental path. You know, there's times where you can start. You can your body can be totally stagnant. Again, this is one of the reason why I love our product so much is if you're doing all the emotional healing, but you're not bringing your body along in that journey and nourishing your body and getting that, helping it heal itself and start to work on itself, then we it can stagnate us, right?

01;13;43;23 - 01;14;06;03 Shaun If we're not feeding our body nutrition, then that activates anxiety even more. And stress and lack of sleep. So anyways, so my big, my big passion is helping others find that path, find that journey that's right for them and to find healing and at a rapid pace. I took a really long time and I'm still when somebody says, I got a new model, I'm like, please show me.

01;14;06;03 - 01;14;24;14 Shaun Tell me out. Like I want to experience it. I'm in. I want to know all the things. I don't care how woowoo it sounds. I am in and learning the best tools that have worked for me. And that's where I see the mesh becomes. The message is, I want to help people come along in that journey, but help them doing it at a faster pace than I did.

01;14;24;16 - 01;14;41;12 Stephanie Yeah, that's that's the journey I'm on right now. You know, figuring out how to get out of fight or flight because I've been there pretty much all my life and, figuring out how to come out of that give my nervous system the peace and safety that it needs to.

01;14;41;15 - 01;15;03;23 Shaun And our nervous system. You bring up something to, you know, a lot of people talk about that freeze or talk about that fight or flight. And, you know, it's such a gift for our bodies, our bot, that's our our body telling us you're in danger. We got to protect you. I mean, that's the beautiful part of our nervous system of that and even PTSD.

01;15;03;28 - 01;15;24;25 Shaun That's just our brain going, okay, you got we had problems. We had an issue. We had danger. Now I'm going to protect you from it. But we're not running from saber tooth tigers anymore. You know, we are. There's a way to change that nervous system. And so it's banking. So one one thing a tip that has helped me is thanking my nervous system.

01;15;24;25 - 01;15;46;13 Shaun Thank you for being my protector. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you. But now it's time to lay you to rest. And now I'm going to set and kick in when I need you. But I'm going to lay you to rest. And so I don't know if that gift helps for you. I know that that's helped for me in a lot of cases, not always, but, and helping regulate and get out of that fight or flight is thanking my body.

01;15;46;13 - 01;15;52;11 Shaun I thank you, I honor you, I see what you're trying to do. It's time to shift that programing.

01;15;52;13 - 01;15;54;07 Stephanie I love that I've never heard that before.

01;15;54;10 - 01;15;56;14 Shaun And, I mean, there.

01;15;56;16 - 01;16;18;23 Stephanie There have been times where, you know, I've, I have, you know, you start to think, oh, is this woowoo? You know, you're telling yourself I am safe or, you know, simple things like that. But then when I feel the physical reaction, when I am safe and I tell my body and my mind that I'm safe and how my whole body relax when I do that, it's so powerful.

01;16;18;25 - 01;16;23;27 Stephanie Our words are so powerful. Have you ever tried, breathwork?

01;16;24;02 - 01;16;26;01 Shaun Yes, I love breathwork.

01;16;26;03 - 01;16;26;27 Stephanie I'm totally.

01;16;27;04 - 01;16;29;07 Shaun Calm.

01;16;29;09 - 01;16;52;18 Stephanie I'm totally into breathwork right now. I found the most amazing young couple and they do breathwork. And then she takes you on a journey. right after that. And then she does a sound bath after that. And it is so incredible, to have a lot of that stuck energy released from myself. It is quite an experience.

01;16;52;25 - 01;17;03;21 Shaun And every experience is different too, because again, you're getting oxygen to different parts of your body and different stored emotions. I have different visions and experiences every time because I'm unlocking different traumas and different areas in the body.

01;17;03;23 - 01;17;27;06 Stephanie Yeah same here. Every experience is different. I do find that when I prepare myself for it and my heart is more open, that I have even better experiences or more like this. Last time I had so much shaking, like just involuntary shaking and like my immediate response is, oh, you know, like tense up or, you know, do something to stop it.

01;17;27;06 - 01;17;40;20 Stephanie But then I'm like, no, it's okay. Like it's releasing, this is good. And so, you know, I tell myself, no, this is good. Keep going until you're done, you know, until the work is done. And it was amazing. Amazing the experience I had with.

01;17;40;20 - 01;17;42;19 Shaun That absolutely big fan.

01;17;42;26 - 01;17;45;26 Stephanie Have you, heard of or done Somatic Healing?

01;17;45;28 - 01;17;46;15 Shaun Yes.

01;17;46;17 - 01;17;50;06 Stephanie That's another one that I'm diving into and loving.

01;17;50;08 - 01;18;01;09 Shaun Love it. And what form of somatic I know because breathwork can be a somatic experience. Body movement, you know, movement as medicine. so what type of somatic.

01;18;01;15 - 01;18;11;27 Stephanie So I don't necessarily know the type. I'm still new to all of the somatic. It's this woman that I found on Instagram and she's called the workout which yeah.

01;18;11;27 - 01;18;24;16 Shaun Yeah, I love her. So, Yeah. You follow her? Yes. So her workout, like our 30 day workout. Moving the hips because we like especially it, intimate abuse locks up hips.

01;18;24;19 - 01;18;25;11 Stephanie Yes.

01;18;25;14 - 01;18;30;15 Shaun A lot of women who have locked up hips is typically a masculine wound.

01;18;30;15 - 01;18;53;25 Stephanie There will. And women carry a lot of emotion and trauma in their pelvic region. And so it helps with all of that. So yeah I signed up for her 90 day course. I know it's 60 days, but it's, the hip release first and then the shoulder neck. Can't remember the other one. I'm done it yet, but, but, you know, honestly, I like I was doing really well with it for a while.

01;18;53;25 - 01;19;08;13 Stephanie I mean, I miss a day here and there in between some of them, because you're not supposed to miss, you know, more than, like, 3 or 4 year. You have to start all over. And so I did really well until I got to a specific one. And it was it was like day 23 of 30. And then I would I have to start over.

01;19;08;15 - 01;19;17;19 Stephanie And I have been so stuck on that one. And it has to do with, journaling or have you done that course, the hip release course?

01;19;17;21 - 01;19;24;05 Shaun No, I haven't done it. I follow her, but I haven't done it yet, and I've done different forms of it. I've other people that are kind of similar, but yeah.

01;19;24;06 - 01;19;46;03 Stephanie Okay. So there's, there's one where she has you listen to, the bilateral music binaural by natural by Nahal music. And then she has you. It's called rage writing 20 minutes. I've always my whole life, I've always had a hard time journaling or doing any type of writing. It's it's been a struggle of mine. And so I finally like, okay, I'm just going to do it.

01;19;46;11 - 01;20;05;26 Stephanie I'm just going to get into it. Well, then I find out she has you do it for two days in a row. And so the next time I go to do it, I'm just like, but I'm feeling really good today. I don't want to bring up all that crap. You know, if if I'm feeling good. And so I decide to skip that day and then the next day, you know, then I was like, super angry and like, I don't know, it was I that's where I'm stuck at.

01;20;05;26 - 01;20;27;21 Stephanie So I'm back to square one with it. But, up until then, it's a lot of really small, gentle movement. it's actually been really incredible to feel the physical release as well as the emotional release in some of that. Pretty powerful. In fact, I'm like, you got to you got to try it. You got to do this like I already bought the course.

01;20;27;21 - 01;20;30;22 Stephanie You got to do it.

01;20;30;24 - 01;20;50;09 Seth So all of this talk and I've done some filming, of her practicing somatic, you know, as we put out content and some people may have seen that. And so I'm kind of being familiar with with Liz the workout, which she she may she may at some point, having come on the show.

01;20;50;11 - 01;20;51;18 Shaun Amazing. Yeah.

01;20;51;23 - 01;21;11;09 Seth She may come on the show. So I was standing I think it was at the kitchen sink the other day. And again I'm taking all this in that, that Steph's laying down and involved in and I'm watching it and kind of experiencing it from afar and, and and seeing the benefit and, and I was just weird. I just started kind of shifting my hips.

01;21;11;09 - 01;21;32;20 Seth I said, okay, I'm going to go still. I'm going to have a moment where I'm going to make some space and kind of watching what Steph had done and really as lazy as I could. Those are the words she uses as lazy as like, that's a hard thing for me to be lazy. Just see that that is, that is not comfortable for me.

01;21;32;23 - 01;21;59;17 Seth Right. All right. Let's try to be lazy. Right. And I just move my hips and I don't know, it was 20s maybe 30s that I just rotated, you know, back and forth. And I was telling Steph about this, something I don't know how to explain right now happened to me, felt good, and it felt freeing. And I thought, maybe I need to do this somatic stuff.

01;21;59;17 - 01;22;03;18 Seth And in fact, I went to I said, Steph, I'm thinking I might want to try the Somatics.

01;22;03;21 - 01;22;05;14 Stephanie I was very happy.

01;22;05;16 - 01;22;07;17 Shaun Yeah, absolutely.

01;22;07;19 - 01;22;21;00 Stephanie So I think she does. later I think she does go into bodies or yoga. but I haven't experienced that part of it yet, which I love yoga, so I'm looking forward to that.

01;22;21;02 - 01;22;47;22 Seth Here's a moment of epiphany for me today on the show. We talk so much in the health world about the problems with our nervous system. Right. Overstimulation or you know, cortisol levels or going here and trauma. And our nervous system is often I think we think of our nervous system as the bad guy. Right. We shouldn't be tripping the nervous system.

01;22;47;24 - 01;23;13;10 Seth And so I just appreciate what you said today because I think it's part of it's adding a new POV. It's adding a new perspective div. And I just want to thank my nervous system for doing those things, because if it didn't, you'd be in a different place or dead. But now I'm giving you permission or frankly, I'm giving you a direct order, right?

01;23;13;12 - 01;23;30;16 Seth That it's time. It's time to go to rest. I think that's such a powerful perspective that it's not bad. Right? We're not going to pander to it either and be prisoners of those those chemical reactions. But I just thought that was brilliant today.

01;23;30;18 - 01;23;47;13 Stephanie Well, I, I just hear you talk a lot about how you're helping women. you know, since you've come out of that and how you are a resource, I just keep wanting to ask, like how to if anybody is listening to this and they themselves or they know somebody who needs some help and somebody to turn to, how can they get Ahold of you?

01;23;47;14 - 01;24;05;00 Shaun Yeah. I'm on on Instagram. I post a lot about it. my handle is Shawnee zero for sure. I04, so feel free to connect with me. we'll chat and help. Help anyone? It's just a passion of mine. Yeah.

01;24;05;02 - 01;24;26;23 Seth And that is in the show notes. That is in the show notes of whatever platform we're on, whether you're on Spotify, Apple or any of the other audios, if you're on YouTube, if you're on our main host site, which is the Forever Young Show. Com this episode, you, we will have all of that, so that you can just click one click away from, from somebody who has been there and who understands.

01;24;26;25 - 01;24;29;12 Shaun And I encourage by the gift of fear.

01;24;29;15 - 01;24;30;06 Stephanie yes.

01;24;30;09 - 01;24;32;13 Shaun Page 180 Intimate Enemies chapter.

01;24;32;20 - 01;24;50;18 Stephanie I'm I'm excited to buy it, to learn from it, because I know I still have a lot that I can learn, and I haven't had it as much recently. But when I went through my divorce, you know, I prayed and and told God that I was so grateful that he pulled me out of it so young and that my kids were so young and that that was a gift from him.

01;24;50;18 - 01;25;18;11 Stephanie And so I wanted to give back anybody that came to me, you know, I was willing to talk to and share my experiences with because I feel like that's where I learned the most. And since then, you know, sharing with other people, like, I'm not going to give my advice, but I will give my experiences. And if I'm told based off that, you know, just watching how God opened doors for people that I would have never expected, even men, you know, a few men came to me and even, wanted help with, what they were going through.

01;25;18;14 - 01;25;24;20 Stephanie Okay, so how can women develop resilience and a growth mindset in the face of challenges and setbacks?

01;25;24;20 - 01;25;49;29 Shaun I think a few things developing resources. I think sometimes we have to know that it's possible. And when you're in it, it's hard. And I am so grateful that I have had the men that I've had in my life, because I do have true, beautiful examples of beautiful, connected, healthy relationships, healthy friendships. So if someone doesn't have a network or people to lean in on of going, I want that.

01;25;49;29 - 01;26;07;02 Shaun I think that's possible. Then finding that because they they do exist and they're abundant, they're everywhere. But you have to allow yourself to do that. So you have to see what's possible to know where to go. And then trusting our instincts. My instincts knew from the very beginning and all of us, that's where the gift of fear talks about is.

01;26;07;04 - 01;26;32;04 Shaun We all have our little Jiminy Cricket to know what's not, what's not right. So it's trusting in that and learning to trust yourself. And there is that when you come out of abuse and coming out of different things, it's lose. You lose trust for yourself of your own decision making. I ended up in that I can't. I trust my own decisions and you have to lean in and go, no, you just have to tap in.

01;26;32;04 - 01;26;53;06 Shaun And again, for those who are spiritual, pray, tap into God or yourself. Lean into that gut instinct and know your you know you have to start learning to trust yourself and trust that voice that's inside. I think that so that's step one. And knowing what's possible and then giving yourself challenges. For me, working out has always been an outlet.

01;26;53;06 - 01;27;17;02 Shaun Being strong is one of those those defense mechanisms for me. So exercise is a big thing for me. But I have to I want to feel strong because I never wanted to feel weak. I don't want to get taken advantage of or not being able to defend myself. So that's always been it's a beautiful outlet. But also it's been that armor and defense mechanism for me and challenging myself and pushing myself in that way.

01;27;17;07 - 01;27;35;05 Shaun You know, even my workout today as well. And at the end of it, because I push myself a lot harder at the end, I have everyone cheering for me. I was the only one wearing a vest and stacked as true as I could to the workout without doing much modifications, and it was so hard. I almost threw up once and almost passed out once and Accio for the save.

01;27;35;08 - 01;27;40;15 Shaun I was like, do you have a banana? Do you have anything? And they're like, no, I got an AC on my purse.

01;27;40;18 - 01;27;42;09 Seth Is that what's in your jar today, by the way?

01;27;42;15 - 01;28;04;10 Shaun Oh, it sure is strawberry. Oh. Anyway, so but in the end, you know, everyone stayed and rooted me on, so I was ten minutes behind everybody because I was pushing myself with the vest. And it was just I was bawling at the end. But today, that was one of those challenges for me. And as we talk about even in our businesses, action is where confidence comes from.

01;28;04;13 - 01;28;21;06 Shaun It's we worry. So much and analysis paralysis is a real saying. The problem becomes bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And how many times have you had a massive problem and you thought and worried about it so much that by the time you do it, you're like, that was it. I'm almost every time we run into that.

01;28;21;06 - 01;28;44;27 Shaun So worrying creates this big thing where it's action. We have to we have to take steps and challenge ourself. And action is where confidence builds. So for me, working out and pushing myself in the gym and doing different workouts has been a big thing for me to build my confidence and build my strength. And that's part of the movement in medicine type things.

01;28;44;27 - 01;29;04;24 Shaun So and it's nourishing your body, it's feeding your body and, and developing that resilience. I think one gift I had Doctor Brett from hallway know him. I was a patient of his. And when I started to see him, he noticed every time he walked behind me, I would tense up and he goes, I'm noticing you. You got some trauma there.

01;29;04;24 - 01;29;20;07 Shaun And this is he didn't know my story and I hadn't really started. I mean, I started sharing a line I don't think I had yet, and, he could just pick up on what was going on anyway. He goes, you know what? I just encourage you here because nourishment is your word. And that is still my word today.

01;29;20;07 - 01;29;39;20 Shaun So there's my New Year's resolution. Everything is nourishment. And he's like, pick people, places, things, food that nourish your body, mind and soul and through nourishment and just realizing I'm to just pick things. And it's loving on my body where fitness used to be about hating my body. But now it's loving my body and fueling my body and feeling my body.

01;29;39;20 - 01;30;03;03 Shaun So for me, I think, for any woman is when you're strong, when you can lift weights and you're in your building and weights are able to do different exercises, or your lung capacity is better, you just feel better. And it's it's those little goals that you start, start doing. So action and movement is is a big thing and big tip, I would say for anyone.

01;30;03;06 - 01;30;26;25 Stephanie I love that you brought up what Doctor Brett Broomhall said about nourishing and not just with food, because any time we hear nourishment, that's what we typically go towards is food. I think that's something that I'm really discovering for myself, is I'm the happiest when I have a social outlet. And, you know, when I struggle with that, I struggle inside and with everything else because that's a big thing for me.

01;30;26;25 - 01;30;32;24 Stephanie That's a big need that I have. I'm I'm very extroverted, very open chakra.

01;30;32;26 - 01;30;33;07 Shaun Yeah.

01;30;33;13 - 01;30;40;27 Stephanie So I love that, that, visualization of, you know, being in places and being with people and doing things that are nourishing to your soul.

01;30;41;00 - 01;30;57;24 Seth So much good happens here. So much good happens here. You coming into that relationship, you said you had an an 800 credit score. You had a you got a house, right? And at the end you had a 400, 400 credit score and, and your $68,000 in debt.

01;30;57;27 - 01;31;00;26 Shaun Was that for you when I met him? Right. In three years.

01;31;00;26 - 01;31;23;14 Seth So you had you have you had and now you have a unique perspective on, I think, women in finance. And one of the things that we talk about on the show, which is so critical, we often think that we often kind of compartmentalize self-care into the into the softer things. Pedicures. Right? Massages. Hey. And we're for it, all right?

01;31;23;16 - 01;31;24;13 Seth Don't nourish.

01;31;24;19 - 01;31;25;13 Stephanie Don't leave them out.

01;31;25;13 - 01;31;54;14 Seth Yeah, they're not out. They're not excluded. But it is by design that that self-care for your money, self-care for your finance, and your financial psyche is included here because it's so liberating, right. What is your take right now on the need or I should say, of what importance is financial security, financial independence to women? And why do you feel that way?

01;31;54;21 - 01;32;02;17 Shaun Yeah. It's huge. It's huge. I mean, with, you know, where they say money doesn't make happiness, but it sure helps you.

01;32;02;24 - 01;32;03;05 Stephanie Amen.

01;32;03;06 - 01;32;21;25 Shaun Gives you options. You can travel. You can. Part of of healing for me is being able to travel and getting to the place where I could travel alone. I feel safe doing it. It took a long time to to be able to feel safe to do that after all of that. But but having financial security, it then you don't have to rely on anybody.

01;32;21;25 - 01;32;48;28 Shaun Now, I will say there's also perspective. I think our society gets to, this I don't want to need a man. I'm going to do it all on my own and blah, blah, blah. And I, I've been there and there's a part of the truth to that, where it's being able to stand on your own two feet and there is a beauty and not needing another person to make your life go round wanting instead versus needing.

01;32;49;00 - 01;33;12;16 Shaun But there is also there's that part where that's a whole other topic of of. We need to also honor the masculine and honor that we do need them in life, and we want to have that. So I say that with in a loving perspective and honoring, still a masculine man who can contribute and and also provide financial security or support.

01;33;12;19 - 01;33;41;10 Shaun but I think, you know, being able to pay your bills, have a roof over your head, have options, buy an outfit that makes you feel good, be able to go eat a meal that you want and not have to worry about the cost every now and then or whenever you want. You know, I think is is really powerful, and that creates that independence for women to know that I don't need someone to live the life that I want, but I want somebody in my life.

01;33;41;12 - 01;34;00;19 Stephanie When I was a single mom, I had a gentleman in my church who he had been a single dad, and his wife had been a single mom before they met. He said, the best thing that you can do, Stephanie, is be in a plate. put yourself in a position to where you don't need a man, but that you're choosing.

01;34;00;21 - 01;34;07;26 Stephanie And that way you don't feel forced to marry somebody because. Or to be with somebody because that you're getting to choose.

01;34;07;29 - 01;34;30;29 Shaun For so many women. I mean, we're meant to seek safety. It is. Women have to feel safe in order for our feminine to come out. You hear a lot about the masculine women because we don't feel safe and that guard comes through. But finding safety in our and our own autonomy and our abilities allows us to be safe and be in our feminine.

01;34;30;29 - 01;34;52;15 Shaun And the feminine energy is powerful, you know, masculine is they just like they get stuff done. And you go about where the women are flowy, they're chaotic, they connect, they're vibrant. You know, it's it's different. So we need that safety and financial security helps create that safety to allow us to step out if we allow it.

01;34;52;22 - 01;34;54;20 Seth Well, and this isn't 1950.

01;34;54;22 - 01;34;55;10 Shaun No.

01;34;55;12 - 01;35;19;15 Seth I in fact, I counseled one of our daughters recently. I said, similar to what you both have said, you should educate yourself or you should put yourself in a position to work right independent. Start a business so that you are capable of of taking care of yourself and living an incredible and full life. You married down the road.

01;35;19;15 - 01;35;41;06 Seth I know that that's on her, that that's her path. That's what she wants. But goodness, I shouldn't say, but but if you look at the world like it, it is, it is. It is no service to yourself or to the people that you serve to ignore the financial, to to ignore your own financial literacy. And as a woman, completely agree.

01;35;41;09 - 01;35;45;16 Seth What did you do about that? What are you doing about that? And we'll probably call it a show.

01;35;45;18 - 01;36;07;21 Shaun so the avenue that we through, we met through, our company and the products and the network marketing space, it allows you to build a business without having to deal with legal, without having to do shipping and handling and all that stuff. It's a beautiful vehicle with a low entry point with its high reward as you would like to go.

01;36;07;21 - 01;36;42;07 Shaun And both are beautiful examples of that. in that but and creating something that's your own and in it, whoever has said it, I'm sure it's been said by multiple people, but it's, it's personal development disguised as network marketing. So along the way you get to develop and learn tools, and that's part of that rapid pace. You're now connected into a beautiful network of people that are all growth minded, like minded, health minded, and you have an instant network where it's wild.

01;36;42;07 - 01;37;21;26 Shaun In this business where there's so many people. When I we go to our events and connect, we love on each other, but I don't I may not know what they do for a living outside and but there's a bond because we're all going through that personal development journey, and there's this bond that we create going through it. And that's really powerful, especially for someone that's gone through abuse or looking for an avenue, having a network and access to some of the biggest thought leaders in the world that are like you in our in our company or that get brought into our company in these events and it's you get to make money off of it.

01;37;21;26 - 01;37;50;12 Shaun And let's be honest, if you hired a realtor, your friend is a realtor and you sold your house, they may commission if you go get your hair cut by a friend, you'd pay them money. If you have a friend is a mechanic, you pay them to fix your vehicle and this is no different. We have beautiful products that are really changing the game for health and that no one else has, and we can help their bodies flourish and live longer and healthier and be able to build a beautiful business off of that.

01;37;50;12 - 01;38;09;13 Shaun So that's what I'm doing is is now focusing. I had some time where I wasn't focused on it over the last a little while, but getting back into it and because there is, there isn't anything like it, I've looked I've been like, is this really is this really the avenue? And you look around, it's like everything is trading time for money.

01;38;09;13 - 01;38;34;00 Shaun And there's something so powerful about having a leveraged check. I was about to say the other word when I say leverage check. Okay. And, have that come in for doing the work that you did years ago was still taking advantage of it and being able to have that freedom. So finding an avenue like that, if it's if, you know, if anybody's listening to this and this doesn't resonate with you, that's fine.

01;38;34;00 - 01;38;51;25 Shaun Go find that vehicle that works for you, resonates for you. But being able to build a business and have that financial freedom and do it in the freedoms of the nooks and crannies of your life is huge. So that's I see the power of this. And there is I'm at I'm at my home company, my home people. I'm not going anywhere.

01;38;51;25 - 01;38;53;15 Shaun And it's built in this.

01;38;53;15 - 01;38;55;10 Seth So awesome. Thank you.

01;38;55;13 - 01;38;55;23 Shaun Yeah.

01;38;55;28 - 01;38;59;23 Stephanie So, Sean, why did you say yes to coming on our show today?

01;38;59;25 - 01;39;23;24 Shaun Because I love you, Bulls. I. And big heart. no, I mean, I know and I've I've. Everything is about nourishment to me. So I do I live by that word of food nourishes my soul. And what? And, you know, you both. There's always been an energy and stuff. I don't remember the first time we connect. I think it was in Mexico doing yoga with Marissa.

01;39;23;24 - 01;39;50;03 Shaun Maybe. I think I think so, birth of our love. But yes, I think that's what it was. And then just through following each other and seeing, oh, we've there's a bond of what we've been through and that immediately we speak a different language. We immediately understand each other without knowing the inner workings of our lives. So and I haven't been a mom yet, but I immediately relate just you parent different, you do things differently.

01;39;50;03 - 01;40;12;23 Shaun So there's that bond that happens. Anyway. so having that and then also it's a topic I'm in a good spot too. I had turned down a couple other podcasts over the last year. I just wasn't in the space. I also got to this place of like, is this my story? Like, is this my identity now? Like, there's something that people get attached to their story and their identity.

01;40;12;23 - 01;40;33;07 Shaun And I was like, this isn't the I don't feel that's mine. But I think my history is important to share. But it's not a badge I wear. It's not a and I got in my head, I'm like two people think that it's an attention thing for me. I got in a weird in a weird space based on like different things I had seen online.

01;40;33;07 - 01;40;48;25 Shaun I'm like, I have to make sure I'm okay. And I had different reasons, which we talked about, that I won't share here, but like, I just wasn't in that space to share it. But now I'm in a really good place of knowing, like it's my story. It doesn't define me. I don't make decisions based off of it.

01;40;48;25 - 01;41;10;15 Shaun It's not. I don't carry it. I've dealt with it all. It's just now being able. I'm in that free space to help others, and I want to help others. And it's through stories that I, I mean, me hearing all the stories I did help me get out and help me lean towards healing and different stories. Still, every day today are ways to connect and go.

01;41;10;15 - 01;41;21;10 Shaun I relate to that. Okay, there's a new avenue of thinking through this, so it's important to get the story out and it's just important. You know the message becomes the message and it's now it's a message for me. It's one of my many stories.

01;41;21;15 - 01;41;49;06 Stephanie I love that I, went and saw the movie site, and it it's really good. It's really powerful. And, I can't remember who says it in the movie. I think it actually might be a bartender, but, but what was said was, the presence is made possible because of the past, and that was so powerful, you know, owning what you experience, but not letting it define who you are.

01;41;49;08 - 01;42;01;19 Seth You ladies do this emotion thing all the time. I'm like, man, I just feel. I feel like I went through the human car wash.

01;42;01;21 - 01;42;04;08 Seth I like talk about ups and downs.

01;42;04;11 - 01;42;11;07 Shaun I know man, the men are the flag pole and we're the flag.

01;42;11;09 - 01;42;14;16 Stephanie There you go.

01;42;14;19 - 01;42;19;01 Shaun Until we're not okay or not. And we'll keep you while.

01;42;19;04 - 01;42;20;02 Seth Thank you. Ladies.

01;42;20;07 - 01;42;23;17 Stephanie Yes. Thank you so much for coming on. And, you.

01;42;23;19 - 01;42;24;14 Shaun Know, monitoring.

01;42;24;14 - 01;42;29;29 Stephanie Such a vulnerable piece of being willing to open up and share and help other women.

01;42;30;01 - 01;42;34;17 Shaun Absolutely. No thank you. I appreciate you both. So awesome to get to know you both. Two more.

01;42;34;19 - 01;42;37;10 Seth Yeah, yeah. Deepen the connection.

01;42;37;12 - 01;42;51;17 Stephanie Yes. I think there's one more thing I haven't asked. Do you know what I'm going to ask now? Do you want to go to Africa with us? you said you love to travel.

01;42;51;20 - 01;42;56;27 Shaun You? Yes. You would mentioned that. When are you going?

01;42;56;29 - 01;42;57;25 Seth September.

01;42;57;27 - 01;43;01;01 Stephanie We're planning on September. The end of September next trip.

01;43;01;04 - 01;43;02;12 Shaun Okay, send me the details.

01;43;02;19 - 01;43;03;14 Stephanie Okay.

01;43;03;16 - 01;43;18;05 Seth Yeah, I do joke about that. You can't come on the show without being invited to come to come pour your heart and soul. to serve in Africa and then to get more out of it than you ever put in. Because.

01;43;18;08 - 01;43;19;04 Stephanie 100%.

01;43;19;04 - 01;43;30;04 Shaun I love it. And for some of those, I know, there's different programs that people do. Is there a defund raise for it to help go or do people do that or we don't?

01;43;30;07 - 01;43;33;22 Stephanie yeah. The volunteers that go, they pay, they pay their way.

01;43;33;22 - 01;43;34;18 Shaun And,

01;43;34;21 - 01;43;58;27 Stephanie We do fundraising to, drill water wells there. Yes. And then we also have a ton of people that donate all kinds of stuff from, homemade dresses, homemade dolls, toys. People donate, you know, suckers. A lot of the kids that we meet have never had a piece of candy before. yeah, yeah, I could I could go on about that.

01;43;58;27 - 01;44;01;22 Seth But check out any of the episodes. It's all in there.

01;44;01;24 - 01;44;11;02 Shaun I love it. Yes. No, I need the details. Okay. Yeah. And I got to build my wife manage business a lot bigger, too.

01;44;11;05 - 01;44;14;09 Seth Let's get it done. Let us know. There's. Is there anything we can do to help you?

01;44;14;17 - 01;44;15;22 Shaun To help me? Yeah.

01;44;15;22 - 01;44;16;15 Stephanie

01;44;16;18 - 01;44;17;28 Seth What can we do for you?

01;44;18;01 - 01;44;36;19 Shaun In you be inspire and keep doing what you're doing. That just. You just light the way for us to know where to go. You guys have, you have what I call pedestal couple. so I, you know, I didn't know you when I was going through it, but you have joined the ranks of the pedestal couples that are still a light for me.

01;44;36;19 - 01;44;50;18 Shaun I'm not married or have kids yet. I didn't expect to get this far and not have had it happen, but it just hasn't happened. So. But, a lot. It's another added couple and the list of I have a light to know what's possible.

01;44;50;20 - 01;44;51;15 Stephanie We're honored.

01;44;51;17 - 01;44;57;18 Seth We're honored to be your friend. And cut. It's a wrap.

01;44;57;20 - 01;45;12;25 Stephanie Thank you so much for being here today. And thank you for sharing this episode with that one friend who needs this conversation. Thank you for all the ratings, the reviews, the comments, and especially the support. We so appreciate you.

01;45;12;27 - 01;45;26;28 Seth Now, if you want to take a peek behind the curtain and be the first to know about special previews, backstage updates here at the show, and especially some private collection content that doesn't come out in the regular show.

01;45;27;01 - 01;45;31;26 Stephanie Be sure to join our VIP community at the Forever Young Shokan.